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Perfectionism-Other Oriented--Could this describe our young adults?
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<blockquote data-quote="AppleCori" data-source="post: 657021" data-attributes="member: 16024"><p>Could this be part of the personality make-up of SOME of our difficult child s?</p><p></p><p>Just saw an article on this the other day, and found it interesting.</p><p></p><p>It described three different types of perfectionism:</p><p></p><p>self-oriented perfectionists--have an inner drive to attain perfection in themselves</p><p></p><p>socially prescribed perfectionists--belief that others expect perfection from you</p><p></p><p>other-oriented perfectionists--expect perfection from others but NOT themselves (many of our difficult child s?)</p><p></p><p>It seems to me that many of our young adults have a warped view of what they should be doing/contributing to make their lives work and what they expect us/others to be doing on their behalf. And they have self-righteous anger when their expectations are not met by us or others.</p><p></p><p>Some of them easily steal from us or others but are shocked/incensed when stolen from.</p><p></p><p>Some of them want to be taken care of like children, yet don't take full responsibility for their own children, expecting us or others to take care of the needs while they spend their money on their personal 'wants' (which usually include drugs, alcohol and cigs).</p><p></p><p>They feel free and entitled to rage at us for any real or perceived transgression, but fully expect us/others to not be hurt, offended or upset by their behaviors, words or actions.</p><p></p><p>Their worldview does not allow for us to have valid opinions which differ from their own and they do not tolerate any perceived judgment or criticism of their worldview or lifestyle.</p><p></p><p></p><p>How many, many people have come to this site at their wits end, emotionally, physically, sometimes financially drained by the demands of their adult kids. And yet, the young (or not so young) adults continue to demand, as if they are owed whatever they want.</p><p></p><p>Anger and manipulation are characteristics of this trait.</p><p></p><p>So, any thoughts?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AppleCori, post: 657021, member: 16024"] Could this be part of the personality make-up of SOME of our difficult child s? Just saw an article on this the other day, and found it interesting. It described three different types of perfectionism: self-oriented perfectionists--have an inner drive to attain perfection in themselves socially prescribed perfectionists--belief that others expect perfection from you other-oriented perfectionists--expect perfection from others but NOT themselves (many of our difficult child s?) It seems to me that many of our young adults have a warped view of what they should be doing/contributing to make their lives work and what they expect us/others to be doing on their behalf. And they have self-righteous anger when their expectations are not met by us or others. Some of them easily steal from us or others but are shocked/incensed when stolen from. Some of them want to be taken care of like children, yet don't take full responsibility for their own children, expecting us or others to take care of the needs while they spend their money on their personal 'wants' (which usually include drugs, alcohol and cigs). They feel free and entitled to rage at us for any real or perceived transgression, but fully expect us/others to not be hurt, offended or upset by their behaviors, words or actions. Their worldview does not allow for us to have valid opinions which differ from their own and they do not tolerate any perceived judgment or criticism of their worldview or lifestyle. How many, many people have come to this site at their wits end, emotionally, physically, sometimes financially drained by the demands of their adult kids. And yet, the young (or not so young) adults continue to demand, as if they are owed whatever they want. Anger and manipulation are characteristics of this trait. So, any thoughts? [/QUOTE]
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Perfectionism-Other Oriented--Could this describe our young adults?
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