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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 596183" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I have no book recommendations, but I would think long and hard before even considering taking him off violin. My kiddo is part time perfectionist, but when it hits, it is intensive (like everything with him) and could had turned crippling. He too has a passionate hobby (or well, it has turned a job now), not music but sport. And especially this one sport and one position on it. He saw it first time in television when he was about to turn two and from then on, doing that sport and that position has been only thing he really has wanted to do when he grows up. Still is. He was much too young to start at two, but he played playing that position at home, we took him to other sports and things partly to prepare for starting that sport and the moment he was old enough, he has been on it. And he was, and still is, a total perfectionist with it. When he was young (under ten or twelve) kicking screaming tantrums over that were quite common also during practises. Slowly his coaches trained him to have them after practises and learn to take corrections and deal with mistakes. Long, long process, but has done worlds of good for him. And first we saw results in his other activities. Chores and learning everyday skills, school work, music (he played piano and sang in choir), other sports and finally in his favourite sport. Doesn't mean he doesn't tantrum over his mistakes any more in sports, but that is not unusual among others either and he is considered to be only somewhat more tantrumy than average for his sport. During games he is in fact more disciplined than average, he throws his tantrums afterwards. Of course we were lucky he happened to pick a sport and position where practically everyone is a perfectionist and over competitive and prone to tantrums over that, so from the beginning he had coaches who knew how to handle him, to utilize that competitiveness and perfectionism and install discipline over those behaviours. And because he was so driven to do the sport, he was ready to work hard also with his behaviour and to manage his perfectionism. If we had had to work with the issue only at home and at school, I think we would had been screwed, because he would had always been inclined to choose option to not do anything or to yuk it up, instead of trying to overcome the issues perfectionism caused.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 596183, member: 14557"] I have no book recommendations, but I would think long and hard before even considering taking him off violin. My kiddo is part time perfectionist, but when it hits, it is intensive (like everything with him) and could had turned crippling. He too has a passionate hobby (or well, it has turned a job now), not music but sport. And especially this one sport and one position on it. He saw it first time in television when he was about to turn two and from then on, doing that sport and that position has been only thing he really has wanted to do when he grows up. Still is. He was much too young to start at two, but he played playing that position at home, we took him to other sports and things partly to prepare for starting that sport and the moment he was old enough, he has been on it. And he was, and still is, a total perfectionist with it. When he was young (under ten or twelve) kicking screaming tantrums over that were quite common also during practises. Slowly his coaches trained him to have them after practises and learn to take corrections and deal with mistakes. Long, long process, but has done worlds of good for him. And first we saw results in his other activities. Chores and learning everyday skills, school work, music (he played piano and sang in choir), other sports and finally in his favourite sport. Doesn't mean he doesn't tantrum over his mistakes any more in sports, but that is not unusual among others either and he is considered to be only somewhat more tantrumy than average for his sport. During games he is in fact more disciplined than average, he throws his tantrums afterwards. Of course we were lucky he happened to pick a sport and position where practically everyone is a perfectionist and over competitive and prone to tantrums over that, so from the beginning he had coaches who knew how to handle him, to utilize that competitiveness and perfectionism and install discipline over those behaviours. And because he was so driven to do the sport, he was ready to work hard also with his behaviour and to manage his perfectionism. If we had had to work with the issue only at home and at school, I think we would had been screwed, because he would had always been inclined to choose option to not do anything or to yuk it up, instead of trying to overcome the issues perfectionism caused. [/QUOTE]
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