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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 276482" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Lisa, one thing I've learned over the years is that it's not all black and white, but more shades of gray. I took this same moral high ground in my first marriage when I was very young and it dragged on for seven miserable years when I should have ended it after about six months! He failed at being a husband in just about every possible way, but I kept hanging in there because I thought that's what I was supposed to do as a good wife! Turned myself into a regular little martyr! That's what my mother had done and that's what I thought I should do too. I kept blaming <em>myself</em>, wondering what I had done to make him behave this way! And <em>he</em> had the best of both worlds ... he could continue in his irresponsible ways, no job, chasing after other women, not a care in the world, while I worked full time and was still there to keep the house nice, cook his dinners and iron his shirts! I really thought I was supposed to sacrifice my own happiness to keep it all together. I saw it as my own personal failure. No one in my family had ever been divorced. I was the first, but certainly not the last. And the damage it did to my self-esteem set me right up for my second marriage which was much longer and much worse, and much, much more damaging!</p><p> </p><p>Skeeter is right. Vows you took 26 years ago become a moot point if he doesn't hold up his end. You didn't end the 'marriage" - he did. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve to be able to live your own life and to be happy. You have no idea the sense of freedom I felt when my second marriage ended (the <em>really</em> bad one!). It was scary at first until the details were worked out, but when I was finally on my own it was wonderful! It was like I had spent those twenty years chained to a 'loose cannon' and I was finally FREE! You deserve to have that too and I sincerely hope that you find it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 276482, member: 1883"] Lisa, one thing I've learned over the years is that it's not all black and white, but more shades of gray. I took this same moral high ground in my first marriage when I was very young and it dragged on for seven miserable years when I should have ended it after about six months! He failed at being a husband in just about every possible way, but I kept hanging in there because I thought that's what I was supposed to do as a good wife! Turned myself into a regular little martyr! That's what my mother had done and that's what I thought I should do too. I kept blaming [I]myself[/I], wondering what I had done to make him behave this way! And [I]he[/I] had the best of both worlds ... he could continue in his irresponsible ways, no job, chasing after other women, not a care in the world, while I worked full time and was still there to keep the house nice, cook his dinners and iron his shirts! I really thought I was supposed to sacrifice my own happiness to keep it all together. I saw it as my own personal failure. No one in my family had ever been divorced. I was the first, but certainly not the last. And the damage it did to my self-esteem set me right up for my second marriage which was much longer and much worse, and much, much more damaging! Skeeter is right. Vows you took 26 years ago become a moot point if he doesn't hold up his end. You didn't end the 'marriage" - he did. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve to be able to live your own life and to be happy. You have no idea the sense of freedom I felt when my second marriage ended (the [I]really[/I] bad one!). It was scary at first until the details were worked out, but when I was finally on my own it was wonderful! It was like I had spent those twenty years chained to a 'loose cannon' and I was finally FREE! You deserve to have that too and I sincerely hope that you find it. [/QUOTE]
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