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General Parenting
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids...moving up the spectrum?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 193912" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think it really is a matter of adaptation. People with Aspie kids have said to us, "If I knew my son would turn out like difficult child 1 I would be very happy indeed and relax a lot more."</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1, when they meet him, seems so capable, so confident, so NORMAL. But he is always going to need some level of support and he knows it. For example, today - we were driving easy child to her appointments with bridal shops. She had emailed the details to me but had forgotten to bring her own list with her. So she telephoned our house with difficult child 1 and asked him to find the information from her recent emails.</p><p>I listened to easy child's side of the conversation. "difficult child 1, I emailed the information to Mum, I need to know the second appointment - who it is and what their address is."</p><p>difficult child 1 opened the email but couldn't find the information. easy child said to him, "Scroll down - it was a reply to an earlier message, the information should be there. OK, scroll down again - it is there. Keep looking. Good, you've found it. Please text the details to me mobile phone. Thanks, bro."</p><p>It took a little longer than it should but she knew how to talk him through.</p><p></p><p>Later on, girlfriend began to get a headache from the glare (all that bling on the bridal gowns!). She was supposed to be meeting difficult child 1, so she rang him. "Hi, darling. I need you to come and collect me, I've had to take one of my headache pills and I shouldn't drive. But could you please collect some things for me too? And park your gas guzzler at my place, get my keys and drive my car, it uses less fuel. OK? I think you need to make a list. Have you got a pencil and paper? I'll wait..."</p><p>So she gave him a written list, knowing that he wouldn't be able to remember it all verbally. difficult child 1 needed to drive to her house, park his car, go get her car keys, get some more headache tablets from her drawer, open another drawer and get her blue jumper (the one with the writing on it), get a packet of biscuits from the cupboard and her hairbrush, then come meet her at the coffee shop. She knew to make sure he wrote it down.</p><p>But once she had done this, I saw her relax. She knew that with the list, he would do it and get it right. he would be reliable. She could count on him. With all his drawbacks, for all his vagueness, she knows that in him she will have a husband who is loyal, truthful, loving, a supportive team player. And that tonight he will drive the car to get her to her friends' house and then get her home again safely afterwards. She helped him - but he will help her, in his own way. They each know each other and can make it work together.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1's Asperger's is much more obvious to us because we know him. </p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 - also making amazing progress. They are amazing people. But underneath it all - we know what is there.</p><p></p><p>Neither of our boys sees their autism as a problem or a flaw. For them, it is just another aspect of who they are, like being left-handed or having brown hair.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 193912, member: 1991"] I think it really is a matter of adaptation. People with Aspie kids have said to us, "If I knew my son would turn out like difficult child 1 I would be very happy indeed and relax a lot more." difficult child 1, when they meet him, seems so capable, so confident, so NORMAL. But he is always going to need some level of support and he knows it. For example, today - we were driving easy child to her appointments with bridal shops. She had emailed the details to me but had forgotten to bring her own list with her. So she telephoned our house with difficult child 1 and asked him to find the information from her recent emails. I listened to easy child's side of the conversation. "difficult child 1, I emailed the information to Mum, I need to know the second appointment - who it is and what their address is." difficult child 1 opened the email but couldn't find the information. easy child said to him, "Scroll down - it was a reply to an earlier message, the information should be there. OK, scroll down again - it is there. Keep looking. Good, you've found it. Please text the details to me mobile phone. Thanks, bro." It took a little longer than it should but she knew how to talk him through. Later on, girlfriend began to get a headache from the glare (all that bling on the bridal gowns!). She was supposed to be meeting difficult child 1, so she rang him. "Hi, darling. I need you to come and collect me, I've had to take one of my headache pills and I shouldn't drive. But could you please collect some things for me too? And park your gas guzzler at my place, get my keys and drive my car, it uses less fuel. OK? I think you need to make a list. Have you got a pencil and paper? I'll wait..." So she gave him a written list, knowing that he wouldn't be able to remember it all verbally. difficult child 1 needed to drive to her house, park his car, go get her car keys, get some more headache tablets from her drawer, open another drawer and get her blue jumper (the one with the writing on it), get a packet of biscuits from the cupboard and her hairbrush, then come meet her at the coffee shop. She knew to make sure he wrote it down. But once she had done this, I saw her relax. She knew that with the list, he would do it and get it right. he would be reliable. She could count on him. With all his drawbacks, for all his vagueness, she knows that in him she will have a husband who is loyal, truthful, loving, a supportive team player. And that tonight he will drive the car to get her to her friends' house and then get her home again safely afterwards. She helped him - but he will help her, in his own way. They each know each other and can make it work together. difficult child 1's Asperger's is much more obvious to us because we know him. difficult child 3 - also making amazing progress. They are amazing people. But underneath it all - we know what is there. Neither of our boys sees their autism as a problem or a flaw. For them, it is just another aspect of who they are, like being left-handed or having brown hair. Marg [/QUOTE]
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