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General Parenting
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) -not otherwise specified vs. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)
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<blockquote data-quote="pepperidge" data-source="post: 216066" data-attributes="member: 2322"><p>Hi again,</p><p></p><p>I can't fall asleep because it has been one of those draining days.</p><p></p><p>It really doesn't sound too much like PPD, although I don't know too much about PPD. I know that when I took my child to a developmental pediatrician at 14 mos (because he had a fairly profound speech delay), they were able to rule out anything on the autistic spectrum fairly quickly. My impression is that most Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) kids are pretty social and in many respects (I guess unless really pronounced) pass for "normal" in a casual setting. At an early age, my child was very impulsive, very distractable, very tuned to everything going on around him, quite capable of understanding what the rules were, but incapable of acting on them. As he says, I try to be good, but I just can't sometimes. The pressure to go along with whatever is going on, to impress friends or whatever often leads to socially unacceptable behavior. When my son was in K, the K teacher used to meet me every afternoon with a litany of all the bad things he did that day. I finally got to the point of avoiding her. (That was in my pre-warrior mom informed about IEP days).</p><p></p><p>What we are having the hardest time now with is the inability to tolerate no. My son does not rage truly, but everytime he doesn't get his way, it is either a major argument, badgering, goes into a bad mood. Nothing is ever his fault. I feel like I am living with an abusive spouse, it is that bad. Mind you, this is after we have dropped as many battles as we can. We try to hold on the line on not too much TV watching, taking a shower. We have dropped all homework battles. But it still seems that things keep coming up. The abusive stuff that comes out of his mouth is getting worse. And he is so miserable, doesn't have friends, but it is every one else's fault.</p><p></p><p>In reading this, it doesn't sound like there is much joy in my relationship with him. This is</p><p>unfortunately true. I really don't know how to turn it around at this point. I am in a pretty low spot.</p><p></p><p>Medicating these children is very difficult. Frankly we have had almost no luck (abilify has helped, we are not sure if it is still helping, doing a medwash right now). We have definitely seen some atypical adverse reactions in my son (to Tenex in particular and also to stimulants). Unless he has a mood disorder or ADHD along with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), you may not get too much relief in the way of medications, and even then the medications may not work very well. </p><p></p><p>I also have to say that despite the many therapists we've seen, none have really treated Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) children and I think many of the therapeutic tools don't work very well with children with little impulse control. I read a booklet my Diane Malbin (?) on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). She basically said that we shouldn't expect these children to change, we need to change what we are doing. I know I need to change something in how I am approaching the situation, but I am at a loss. It helps to have as much external structure in their life and find situations in which they function reasonably well. I know my child does better with the structured part of school than almost anywhere else (though maybe I get the residual of having to cope with behaving all day long). </p><p></p><p>I have an older child with mental illness. I have seen drugs work wonders for him. I see growth and development, and I feel like I at least have a positive relationship with him. With my younger Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) child, I wonder if I have a child who is really capable of learning from his bad choices. Sometimes I feel very much alone, even here on the Board, because I feel that even the ultimate "let them sink so they learn to swim strategy"when all else fails, isn't even ultimately going to work. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry, this post is probably a downer and I don't know if it has given you any useful info. It is good to see some Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) parents posting; there don't seem to be very many of them on this board for some reason. I'd love to hear about your experiences, and any knowledge you've acquired along the way in your journey.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Pepperidge</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pepperidge, post: 216066, member: 2322"] Hi again, I can't fall asleep because it has been one of those draining days. It really doesn't sound too much like PPD, although I don't know too much about PPD. I know that when I took my child to a developmental pediatrician at 14 mos (because he had a fairly profound speech delay), they were able to rule out anything on the autistic spectrum fairly quickly. My impression is that most Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) kids are pretty social and in many respects (I guess unless really pronounced) pass for "normal" in a casual setting. At an early age, my child was very impulsive, very distractable, very tuned to everything going on around him, quite capable of understanding what the rules were, but incapable of acting on them. As he says, I try to be good, but I just can't sometimes. The pressure to go along with whatever is going on, to impress friends or whatever often leads to socially unacceptable behavior. When my son was in K, the K teacher used to meet me every afternoon with a litany of all the bad things he did that day. I finally got to the point of avoiding her. (That was in my pre-warrior mom informed about IEP days). What we are having the hardest time now with is the inability to tolerate no. My son does not rage truly, but everytime he doesn't get his way, it is either a major argument, badgering, goes into a bad mood. Nothing is ever his fault. I feel like I am living with an abusive spouse, it is that bad. Mind you, this is after we have dropped as many battles as we can. We try to hold on the line on not too much TV watching, taking a shower. We have dropped all homework battles. But it still seems that things keep coming up. The abusive stuff that comes out of his mouth is getting worse. And he is so miserable, doesn't have friends, but it is every one else's fault. In reading this, it doesn't sound like there is much joy in my relationship with him. This is unfortunately true. I really don't know how to turn it around at this point. I am in a pretty low spot. Medicating these children is very difficult. Frankly we have had almost no luck (abilify has helped, we are not sure if it is still helping, doing a medwash right now). We have definitely seen some atypical adverse reactions in my son (to Tenex in particular and also to stimulants). Unless he has a mood disorder or ADHD along with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), you may not get too much relief in the way of medications, and even then the medications may not work very well. I also have to say that despite the many therapists we've seen, none have really treated Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) children and I think many of the therapeutic tools don't work very well with children with little impulse control. I read a booklet my Diane Malbin (?) on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). She basically said that we shouldn't expect these children to change, we need to change what we are doing. I know I need to change something in how I am approaching the situation, but I am at a loss. It helps to have as much external structure in their life and find situations in which they function reasonably well. I know my child does better with the structured part of school than almost anywhere else (though maybe I get the residual of having to cope with behaving all day long). I have an older child with mental illness. I have seen drugs work wonders for him. I see growth and development, and I feel like I at least have a positive relationship with him. With my younger Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) child, I wonder if I have a child who is really capable of learning from his bad choices. Sometimes I feel very much alone, even here on the Board, because I feel that even the ultimate "let them sink so they learn to swim strategy"when all else fails, isn't even ultimately going to work. I am sorry, this post is probably a downer and I don't know if it has given you any useful info. It is good to see some Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) parents posting; there don't seem to be very many of them on this board for some reason. I'd love to hear about your experiences, and any knowledge you've acquired along the way in your journey. Hugs, Pepperidge [/QUOTE]
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