Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified?

[myfirstandlast]

He doesn't really match your 2) a.-d. factors very well. Some things, to some extent, but that's not him. Not like some of the other descriptions where I'm like "A-HA! That's MY son!!" :wink:

He had pretty extensive testing with the neuropsychologist. Spread over several appointments and yet another stack of questionnaires ... been doing these for years, wish I could just fill out a book of them ONCE and be done! LOL (Patience not my strong suit.)

I sat in on his psychiatric appointment. yesterday. He did not want to be the one to lead the conversation about Monday night. He let me explain what happened, had a chance for a rebuttal and said everything happened pretty much the way I explained it. Was very calm and matter-of-fact and stalled a little on describing why he thought he acted the way he did (he felt I yelled too much for the situation, overkill, which could well be) and we both decided that we reacted the way we did because his priority (the science fair experiment) and my priority (the book report) weren't the same and we were not seeing each other's point of view.

Family history ... well ... clinical depression and ADD for me ... ADD and possibly even narcissistic dad ... his sister seems to be as 'normal' as a kid can be, so maybe there's hope for one of the four of us. :wink:

 

[Marguerite]

I was browsing through this again - I've been thinking about this hard. And I noticed, about the vindictive thing, you posted, "He has this vindictive complex as well. Always wanting to get revenge, retaliate against someone. Seems like he blows something out of proportion, takes an unintended slight as a personal attack, or whatever, and plots against the perp."

Both my boys have done this. It seems in them to be born from a very keenly developed (overdeveloped?) sense of justice, which I'm told can go hand in hand with high IQ but which I've also seen go hand in hand with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in many forms.

As they've got older and I've been able to reason with them sternly about the head and neck (just kidding) they are getting the message that:

1) Sometimes the slight is imagined; and

2) It's not worth the trouble it will cause them, to 'get even'.

We role play some possible scenarios to outline what is going to happen in various eventualities. But basically - it's the weird kid who is going to be blamed for far more than he deserves, especially when the cops get involved.
Example: I took a phone call - there had apparently been three attempts in a few minutes before I finally had a voice on the other end. difficult child 1 was invited by a younger friend to go and play (his friends were all younger - this happens in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)). "Bring your Nintendo and some games," So difficult child 1 packs up his Nintendo and games and goes visiting.
difficult child 1 is met by a gang of younger boys throwing water at him and hosing him. He got angry - the Nintendo could have been damaged by the water (thankfully it wasn't). difficult child 1 first barricades himself INSIDE the friend's house, then comes out fighting, swearing and chasing after the younger boys, who all took off. The kid who'd invited him - it had been a set-up (hence the repeated hesitation when I kept answering the phone).
difficult child 1 headed off after the boys, grabbing a large walking stick (he often walked with a long pole-like stick, like a hiker). difficult child 1 ends up outside another house where these boys are sheltering. A woman calls out, "You are a big kid harassing these younger kids. Go away! I've called the police. "
difficult child 1 came home, seething. I asked him what was wrong and got his side of the story. I made him stay home, told him he should not have been carrying a large stick outside where these boys took refuge (it was someone's grandma - they told her this big boy had attacked them). I went round to visit the first boy and talk to him AND his parents (good friends of mine). The other boys had also gone back there and tried to accuse difficult child 1 of stuff I knew was not true. They also told me about difficult child 1 barricading himself inside their house - I promised to sort that out with difficult child 1 and explain that it was wrong ( I later made him come and apologise to friend's parents). By this stage, the young friend's mother had worked out that the gang had set difficult child 1 up and she sent all the friends home and grounded her son.

End result - difficult child 1 learned a hard, unpleasant lesson about having to accept injustice and NOT hit or even look like he was going to hit. The police never did turn up. But the young friend - he had made a choice that day to hang around with the gang and no longer be friends with difficult child 1. They had forced him to set difficult child 1 up to prove his loyalty to them. So now, difficult child 1 has the clean record, and after other incidents over the next six years where these boys have got the young friend into trouble, HE has a police record. Interestingly, he now also has an Aspie diagnosis.

Sorry for the long anecdote, but because it follows a long sequence and further events, it's been our best example.

difficult child 3 learned to hit first and ask questions later, because kids at the local school would shove, push and hit without provocation. Since THEY all did it, this must be the way to behave, he clearly thought. It's been very hard for him to unlearn this.

When we've had incidents where things have gone wrong, we explain to difficult child 3 how they could have been better handled. We don't do this in an "I told you so" way, just matter-of-fact. And when things go right, same thing. We congratulate him on getting it right, explaining how bad it could have been.
About 18 months ago difficult child 1 was in a local football game each week. Kids were dropped off by parents who failed to properly supervise their kids. As a result, some of these kids would play near a spoil heap and throw rocks at each other, at cars and at passers-by. difficult child 3 wandered over to play with these kids but I called him back. As he walked back a kid threw a rock at him.
The following week I complained about the unsupervised kids at the spoil heap. People's cars were being damaged. Then a parent said belligerently, "My son told me that difficult child 3 was the main rock-thrower." My only defence (thankfully) was that I could account for difficult child 3's movements the whole time. But accusations like this are made, with the weird kids. So after that whenever difficult child 3 wanted to go somewhere on his own, I made sure I was keeping him in sight, so I could continue to say that I could account for his movements. It wasn't fair, but he accepted my explanation - other kids were lying about him and we needed to be always able to prove them wrong. He wasn't happy, and it's ironic that we only need to do this in our home village, but as he's getting older and seeing these same liars 'going to the bad' like difficult child 1's old friend, difficult child 3 can see the long-term justice.

My final point - if you have doubts about a diagnosis, trust your instincts. I first raised the question, "Is it possible that difficult child 1 has some form of high-functioning autism?" when he was 6. difficult child 1's psychologist at the time said, "Definitely not."
When difficult child 1 was diagnosed as Asperger's (which I'd never heard of) at the age of 15, I rang and spoke to his earlier psychologist and discussed it with him. "I still disagree," he said.
The trouble is, that psychologist had only seen difficult child 1 in a one-to-one setting primarily for the purpose of psychometric assessment. They got on well together, difficult child 1 was fairly cooperative and because it did NOT involve other people the psychologist never saw the problems I was reporting. A lot of the educational problems became much more apparent as he got older.

Diagnoses in this area are subjective. There ARE criteria but how they're interpreted will vary. We've had two psychologists (including that one) assess easy child 2/difficult child 2 and were told "no Asperger's." However, increasingly there are unexplained symptoms which have no other explanation. Her paediatrician insists she's not Aspie because she can make good eye contact. Her response is, "I make good eye contact with him, because I know him. But I know I don't with other people, I have to work at it." But an Aspie label now would really make little difference to her.

With my kids, a lot of the behaviours listed in SRL's list above would be "resolved" by now. In easy child 2/difficult child 2's case they would have been very mild, only subtle. An especially bright kid quickly picks up when people find their behaviour unusual, and masks or adapts. It's much harder to get an accurate diagnosis when the kid is exceptionally bright. After working with other autistic kids over the summer holidays, I can now see just how autistic difficult child 3 really is. But he works hard to hide it most of the time. He just didn't try so hard when he knew that everyone else was autistic too.

What matters from here is - why do you need a label? If you MUST have a label that fits (for school and to get appropriate support), keep challenging the diagnosis and asking questions. But if not, then treat the problems you see. Do what works. Trust yourself and your instincts and love your child as he is. Work with him as he is. Identify and work with him in his difficult areas and praise him in his skills. Then go on from there as you make progress.

Marg

 

[myfirstandlast]

I think I need the label for me. Despite my best efforts, what if all this is just a result of "child of divorce" and "bad parenting"? It would soothe me to have a name for it, if not a reason.

Another deeply upsetting issue we are dealing with is encopresis. I'd like to know how other parents cope with this. I can not understand how he does this and doesn't notice. Okay, the physical part of not feeling it happen, I get that. But after it happens ... is it pure denial? I have to INSIST that he change clothes or he won't.

 

[Sheila]

Encopresis is hard to deal with. We had bouts with it.

Encopresis more common than you might think and sometimes seems to be connected with developmental delays. With our difficult child, it seemed to be tied to emotional issues as well.

You might want to scross through the various Archives. I found several threads on sensory, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), etc issues that might be helpful also.

 

[tiredmommy]

Another point about encopresis is that it is essential that your child see a gastroenterologist to rule out any blockages, etc. You aren't alone with this, there are several members that have gone through the same.

 

[BusynMember]

I have lots of experience with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. My son has it and was misdiagnoed a gazillion times, put on horrible medications for him, and only our persistence got him the right interventions, because he had the wrong diagnosios. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified/Aspergers (it's really all under the same umbrella of Autistic Spectrum Disorders) are pretty much treated the same way. First off, the kids are not like your typical kids and don't think the way other kids do. There's nothing you can do about it, and it's not a psychiatric problem--the best thing to do is to learn about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and the thinking of those who have it. I highly recommend these books, even if it's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and not Aspergers because, frankly, often they are interchangeable. Some may have dxd. my son with Aspergers. It's all high functioning autism, and autism is a unique way of looking at the world and often the rejection of social norms--feeling that they are unimportant, etc. and you can't make them think they ARE important.

The disciplinary methods that work for kids who aren't on the spectrum don't tend to work with spectrum kids. As for friends, these kids almost all need social classes in school because they don't "get" people or how to interact with them. Some, like my son, have learned to "pass" in public. He's 13 now and doing well. On the other hand, "pass" or not, he is still Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and at home, in his room away from the pressures of having to act "normal," he lets it all out and does his stims and talks to his videogames and it's a riot He's a very sedate, easygoing child now and, no, he didn't start out that way. He was frustrated and angry because nobody understood him, and we tried to treat him the same way we treated our other kids. It didn't work. He had LOTS of school interventions, which greatly helped him. He takes no medications. They don't eradicate Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Some Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids (I've read 50%) take medications for co-morbid conditions, but my son does better off medications. I wish you luck. These kids can be challenging, but also extremely loving and endearing. Since he is no longer a behavior problem, my Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified child is the easiest, sweetest and most giving of my five kids. It's not even close. Good luck!

 

[TerryJ2]

Gosh, you've got your hands full.
Welcome. Here's a cup of tea.

My son is just coming out of the problematic-encopresis-bedwetting stage. Part is allergies (wheat, dyes, etc.) part is ADHD--just can't stop for a darn thing! and part is umm... I forget. :smile:
For the bedwetting, he's got to drag his sheets downstairs and do the laundry himself. He'd lie about it and say he didn't wet the bed, but when I'd get him to stick his nose in it, he'd back off. He hid the encopresis for a long time, hiding his underwear in the closet or under the bed. Thank god we have dogs!!! or I wouldn't have known except to smell his little behind.

He'd argue that he didn't care what he smelled like and I told him it didn't matter if he didn't care; rules were rules. I'd wipe his bottom myself sometimes and 10-yr-old boys do not like that! So he's finally getting the knack.
Also, we make him take a shower or bath every single night, even when he's gone swimming during the day (that used to be his excuse).

LOVE your daughter's vocab and maturity!!! Glad you were able to listen while that conversation was going on.

I really like Marguerite's idea about reminding him that since he doesn't wipe well, he IS using those same hands for eating. Maybe you can tell him why Muslims are supposed to eat only right handed... LOL!

I'm impressed with-the homework progress you've done, weighing the science fair project with-English, etc., and having him come up with-rewards and benefits for grades. His reponse is very similar to what John Rosemond says in one of his books, when he told his son to come up with-his own curfew and his son chose an unbelievably early time.

I have no idea how people's minds work but heck, whatever works.

You didn't ask for advice, (or did you) in re: to your ex, but you gave yourself some advice or at least insight, in re: to how your son behaves better when he's around you.
But you need a break... so can you get a babysitter or playmate a couple of times a wk, just to give yourself a break, just so YOU will have more influence than your ex?
Just a thought...

{{{cyberhugs}}}

 

[Marguerite]

Myfirstandlast, on the subject of why you feel a label is necessary, you said, "I think I need the label for me. Despite my best efforts, what if all this is just a result of "child of divorce" and "bad parenting"? It would soothe me to have a name for it, if not a reason."

I can understand that. The important thing is, you know WHY you want the label. You've clearly thought about it.

You also mentioned problems with encopresis. Very familiar!
We didn't do too bad with difficult child 3, compared to his older brother. difficult child 1 is pretty good now, although with both of them they sometimes need reminding to go to the toilet and try for a "2". But mostly, they take care of it themselves now.

difficult child 1 especially - would not notice his body signals. Same with difficult child 3, but he got the hang of it much sooner.
Basically, the body would normally tell you that it's time to go "to the reading room" for a long session. But with these boys, they simply didn't heath their bodies screaming at them. This is fairly common in autism, even high-functioning, because it's part of sensory integration problems.
Another aspect to the sensory problems - they like what makes them feel comfortable physically. This doesn't necessarily mean they will notice soiled pants. But they DO respond to sameness in clothing - they like to wear the same clothes constantly. difficult child 3 would even choose to wear his school uniform on weekends, because he had got used to them all the week. The clothes also had his 'smell' on them. And if part of that familiar smell is due to the encopresis, it doesn't matter -it's familiar.
difficult child 1 is my worst in this. I have a terrible time trying to get dirty clothes from him to put in the wash. When I do I have to treat them separately because otherwise everybody else's washing smells. I woke him on his birthday and said, "I want those sheets you're lying on - gosh, where does a YEAR go?" It's not quite that bad, but almost.

So be aware - the difficulty you have in getting him to notice or do something - even if it's offensive, it's what he has become accustomed to and change is scary. You will need to support him through changing. nagging makes their anxiety worse and makes them want to cling even more to the dirty clothes.

The problem with a soiled tail is the skin irritations. They may respond to that. As I type this, I just had difficult child 3 in here asking me for some cream for his itchy rear end. He's very sensitive to this sort of discomfort, which could be why we got over the encopresis with him so much earlier than we did with difficult child 1.
What we did - we have a 'telephone shower' head in our bathroom. A kid with dirty pants (and we do the same for a kid with knickers full of sand, coming back from the beach) was put, clothed, into the shower area (shower off) to remove soiled clothing. The soiled clothing would be left in the shower recess. The child would then either turn the shower on themselves, or I would do it to get the temperature right. They then hosed themselves down (and also rinsed their clothing). I would grab the clothing in a plastic bag and take it to the washing machine (or alternatively, a bucket with a manual plunger-washer). With younger children I would check that they had got themselves completely clean, then I would give them either some cream (like Sorbolene) or coconut oil to rub over the area. The oil helps form a barrier and soothes any inflammation.

We also keep a box of baby wipes beside the toilet, so the kids can use those to make sure they've got themselves completely clean if they've had an accident. We have a special bin to put the soiled wipes in (not a good idea to flush them). A jar of cream or oil is also beside the loo for convenience.

When you have a kid with this problem, charts won't work if the child's brain is simply not picking up the signals. You can't discipline them for something they have little control over. But charts and rewards DO help when they're beginning to get the message. Punishments, never, because the problem is made worse by anxiety and frankly, for the sake of health, we need to encourage honesty and fast response. "Mum, I had another accident".

We found a reward system worked well for difficult child 3 once he was able to make the connection. With difficult child 1 we just kept reminding him.

My sister successfully 'toilet-trained' her youngest son at the age of 3 months. He was completely bowel-trained. I watched - she would put him on the potty after every feed. Of course she caught everything. And amazingly, this bub quickly got the message of what to do on the potty. But of course, he couldn't take himself to the toilet for another year or more. And then, he needed help undressing himself and climbing up onto the seat. So was he really trained, or was SHE?

The thing is, he DID recognise the feel of the potty and knew what to do. And I'm sure it's the same with your son. He knows what to do when he IS sitting on the loo. It's just knowing to give it a go.
And this is where we stepped in, with our son's understanding - "to reduce accidents, we are going to remind you to go, if we think you need to. And if you can't remember when you last went, then you need to go NOW!"

So between keeping an eye (and nose) on him and regular reminders (especially after meals) we have resolved a lot of the problems.

And back to your need for a label - I wouldn't rule out Asperger's. It got ruled out with difficult child 1 9 years before he was diagnosed. The smarter the kid, the older the kid, the harder it is to diagnose. But your instincts need to be listened to as well.
Your youngest sounds very much a easy child. So how could SHE be so easy, and DS not? He sounds Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) to me, and I've never heard of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) being the result of divorce. There are many kids out there, children from divorced families, who are easy child. You have one, which increases the chances of your others being easy child too. Why aren't they? I doubt it's your fault. SO don't feel guilty about wanting some surety. But in the meantime, keep loving the kids and supporting them through this. Treat what you see gently and with love and patience. Have faith in yourself.

Marg

 

[needabreak]

hi i also have a son who has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified but he is the most wonderful boy.he is only 4 right now.but his only promblem is his speech and interacting with people.now my other son is whole nother story .try taking a day for your selfbecause like i keep telling myself if i dont take care of me who will.but i know it is hard.

 

[Hound dog]

Welcome :smile:

I'm glad you found your way here. I didn't have time to read the replies, but have you ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation done on your son? These are helpful in pinpoint the problems be they learning disabilities or behavioral or what.

My son T is 20 now (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) among other things), somedays I wonder how we ever made it to this point. When I see posts like yours I recall his younger days and realize just how much I choose to forget. lol

Take it easy on yourself.

((hugs))

 

[Marguerite]

Lisa, first post on page 2 - she said it was a board-certified neuropsychologist.

But I do agree, unless we document stuff we forget some of the worst we've endured. I like to go back and read difficult child 3's old diaries, to remember just how much progress he's made so far.

Myfirstandlast, I do understand your not telling him his IQ. I've only recently told my (now adult) children. I remember when easy child was on a Gifted & Talented Enrichment weekend and was being hassled by another kid who was telling everyone his IQ and demanding to know theirs - because she didn't know hers, she couldn't tell him. She was angry with me for not giving her the information so she could have responded to him, but I explained to her (she WAS only 10 or 11) that comparing IQ scores is just plain wrong. I told her that this kid should clearly never have been told because he was abusing that knowledge. If she had known, and replied, SHE would have also been abusing her knowledge.
Intelligence is not a weapon.
I asked her what this kid claimed his IQ to be, and she said, "120." I just laughed. I couldn't help it. "You definitely had nothing to worry about," I told her. The poor lad she had met had been bragging about an IQ that was probably the lowest at the weekend school, a tutor really should have taken him aside and sorted him out.

I was talking to easy child 2/difficult child 2 this weekend about IQ scores and how, once you get much over 120, the scores are increasingly inaccurate. I first met this in my own school days - we had been graded according to IQ results, we were told (a very old-fashioned idea) but it was policy to never tell us our scores. The head teacher told us that all it was relevant for us to know was that everyone in the class was 120+. "Above 120," he said, "the scores stop making sense. Beyond this point you're all on the same playing field."

I explained it to easy child 2/difficult child 2 (because she is going to have to deal with this in her studies now). When IQ tests were first developed, they simply went to a lot of schools (full of nice, normal, kiddies) and applies their draft tests. They had no expectations as to how they would score - there was no "pass-fail" expectation. They simply graded the results of all the kids they tested. Normal, average kids. Extremely normal, if you think about it, because back in those days kids with intellectual disabilities, physical handicaps or anything outside the normal range were simply not found in mainstream schools.

They graded the results. Some kids scored low, some scored high. This was all analysed statistically. And when you analyse something statistically, you sometimes get the occasional odd result. What you generally get, and what they would have got this time, was a classic bell curve. The test would have been 'tweaked' until they DID get a bell curve, the peak of the curve matching IQ 100, by definition.
With a bell curve, anything too far from the middle score (more than I think 2 standard deviations, but I am a bit rusty) would be ignored as an anomaly. Example: you're testing Grade 3 kids to see how far they can shotput. But somewhere in your testing, the shotput coach, a former Olympian, has a turn. His score would be WAY outside the normal range and should be ignored.

This method of testing is all well and good, if what you aim to do is grade like with like and put all kids with matching IQ scores into the same class. But if you try to read too much into it, it simply doesn't stand up to that degree of scrutiny.
There are many reasons why IQ testing can fail. The biggest reason is if a child scores too far outside the expected range for his age. This can happen with an exceptionally bright child; with a child who has splinter skills but is being tested at a very young age (some of the tests reserved for older children will show up major discrepancies); or the test has not been administered under controlled conditions.
I remember as a kid, I read ahead in my maths textbook one day because I was bored (really bored). A few days later I was being tested by a psychologist - he showed me some simple diagrams and I had to pick the one which matched the word. Simply because I had read ahead, I managed to answer several questions more than I felt I should have been able to. Then the tester's reaction of awed surprise made me feel like a freakish prodigy and I was motivated to really concentrate to see more of this reaction.

Basically, abnormally high OR abnormally low results are outside the parameters of the original tests. Therefore that can be seen as an indication, but the numbers themselves are meaningless. getting full marks in an IQ test tells us nothing about what the person CAN'T do. And frankly, proper testing needs to find the LIMITS of a person's ability, to have any chance of a meaningful result. No limits (or no results at all) - no valid result.

If you apply the IQ tests to someone who doesn't speak English for example, or a deaf child, or a blind child, you will find an invalid result. In many cases, testing a child with learning problems is about as valid as testing a child who doesn't speak English.

More tests are being developed all the time, to try to get around these problems. And this is a good thing - the better understanding we have of our children's limits, the more we can help them overcome those limits and move out and beyond.

It was a high IQ score that justified easy child 2/difficult child 2's early enrolment in school. With hindsight, she should have been tested later and encouraged to repeat a year, six years later. Her early test failed to pick up her learning problems and her high intelligence made it easier for her to mask these problems for longer. This has made it much harder to help her, and now at 20 she is where she could have been and should have been three years ago, if only we had got her the help she needed. But we didn't know - the high IQ test result fooled everybody.

In Australia we don't have the same definition of the word "genius". I'm not even sure we HAVE a strict definition. We don't apply the label to our kids, but I gather if we were in the US, all four would qualify, based on their (I believe, invalid) IQ score.

Marg

 

[MICHL]

Your difficult child sounds a lot like mine who is age 11 3/4. Everything you stated that yours does, mine does too. My difficult child is diagnosis as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/not otherwise specified. Those are not "normal" behaviors or even adhd behaviors..(the "accidents", eating with fingers, avoiding writing, homework avoidance, tantrums...). Sorry I don't have any answers to either of us, just want you to know that I am struggling with the same issues, still.. Good Luck to both of us.

 

[BusynMember]

Kids with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified don't act like "normal" or "typcial" kids. Most don't act "typical" as adults either, and they need interventions to learn how to survive in this world, in my opinion, more than therapy. I don't even know if Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids "get" therapy--they often don't comprehend abstract ideas, and often don't know why they act the way they do, even if pinned down. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is not a psychiatric problem. It's neurological and all kids on the Spectrum are different from one another. Not all or even most Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are facetious about cleanliness (I've seen both extremes). My 13 year old son has horrible table manners unless forced to have better ones in public, but he's had A LOT of help! Also my son would NEVER shower if I didn't make him. Telling him about germs or that others won't like his smell doesn't do squat. He is disinterested in what his peers think of him and he's a calmer Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid--one who doesn't sit and worry about his health. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) can look like ODD, but ODD doesn't stand alone most of the time and ODD behavior in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is usually because the child is frustrated with not understanding the world, or is overstimulated by sensory overloaded, or has to make a transition (the kids do not do change well--it's NOT their faults). Many need to have some Special Education or an aide for a smooth, organized school experience. On the writing, my son can not hold a pencil well and has never learned to write. This is the first year he can print legibly. It's a common Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) problem--fine motor skill issues. That could be why your son hates to write. It may be very difficult for him. With Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids you have to think outside the box. While a divorce never helps a child, kids with PDDs are different and some are more difficult regardless of how smooth their home life is. HOWEVER, I can see where, since transitions are hard, a child with Aspergers or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified would get much more upset by being forced from one parent to the other than a "typical" child. My son would do very poorly with that. He likes his set routines, his own room, his own house, and gets flustered when he has to switch routines too quickly. When he was younger, he would rage if he so much as had to switch from watch TV to going in the kitchen. Picky eating is classic for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) due to sensory issues. This isn't the child being difficult--it's the child having Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Bathroom troubles are also common. Many just can't feel when they have to go and have accidents. Being very intelligent, unfortunately, doesn't mean an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) will slide by with no problems. Getting the proper Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) interventions is the most important thing--Occupational Therapist (OT), PT, social skills classes, life skills classes, and help with any other quirky behaviors that may impede them. Good luck.

 

[Marguerite]

Having a difficult child can be the added strain in a relationship, leading to its breakdown. Or the relationship may never have been strong enough to begin with, and eventually it would have broken down anyway.

Have you read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon? It's written from the point of view of someone with Asperger's but it would be a relevant read to anyone with a suspected Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child. It's fiction - Mark Haddon himself does not have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - but it's an enlightening, inspiring read.

Marg

 

[ellenr1]

It's exhausting, physically, mentally, emotionally, trying to figure out what is the right thing to do by your difficult child, and then doing it consistently.

Sounds like you ended the day on a much more positive note.

My 14 yr old son is diagnosis'd ODD, which a lot of therapists/psychiatrists think is a "bogus" diagnosis by itself (pretty much the prevailing wisdom here are well). My kid has anxiety, mostly separation anxiety, which has manifested itself as aggressive behavior towards me and sometimes his sisters; lately he won't touch me but he will smash pictures, key my car, etc. And curse at me. And insult my cooking, housekeeping skills, you name it. I ignore it. I never look sad or upset when he does this because I know he doesn't mean it, he's just so desperately unhappy he doesn't know what else to do.

My two oldest kids are champions at manipulating their dad and I, who are in teh midst of a contested custody situation and have been divorcing for almost three years now. His dad is obnoxiously passive-aggressive and it trying to wear me down so I get almost nothing, but he doesn't acknowledge how this affects the children.

by the way, I chuckled when I read the part about your daughter acting the therapist/social worker with your son. She is precious! My youngest is 10 and she went to the social worker at her elementary school to come up with a list of "coping skills" for dealing with her brother, had them written down as notes and checked each one off as she did them, with a comment on how it worked or didn't work. She's a pistol and I love her so much it hurts. That's the worst part, how the other kids suffer when their sibling is out of control.

Keep reading and writing back here. I have gotten so much help and support over the past year, and it is such a relief to communicate with others who have been in your shoes and who are not judgemental about your parenting.

Sending you hugs and best wishes for a better day today.

 

[TerryJ2]

Have you read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon? It's written from the point of view of someone with Asperger's but it would be a relevant read to anyone with a suspected Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child. It's fiction - Mark Haddon himself does not have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - but it's an enlightening, inspiring read.
**********


Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned this, Marg. I LOVE that book! I was thinking that the protagonist was more full blown autistic than At any rate, the author has vast experience working with-these kids and speaks from experience. I just love that it's that point of view.

The scary part was the page that showed all the letters mixed up, when the protagonist got stressed... I do that. I was begining to see myself in a lot of those situations... those noise, the lights... But I think that's why he's such a good writer, because he draws you in so you understand what it's like to live in that sort of mindset.

I hope he sells a kazillion copies.

 

[myfirstandlast]

Thanks for all the responses and sorry for my delay in following up, I totally forgot my password and the new format had not saved it. :wink: Looks great, by the way!

I'm doing okay, I guess; he sure has his ups and downs. This morning was a rough one. He was screaming, slamming doors, making nasty faces and gestures at me while I was leaving (I dropped the kids at the end of the driveway and left with the bus coming down our road) ... but not until after I had yelled back at him a few times for his very nasty and rude behavior and comments.

I cannot even imagine what it must be like to have kids that get up, get dressed, and get themselves on the bus in the morning. It is the HUGEST struggle for us. And in the fall, he has to do it all an hour earlier! Ack!

 

[wakeupcall]

myfirstandlast, I hear ya! My son is also eleven and in the fifth grade. SO, for all five years of school and kindergarten....let's seeeeeeee 5+1 = 6.....yep, six years I have fought with him every single morning before school. He LOVES school and doesn't necessarily want to stay home, he just will NOT get ready. I can't get him to bathe, I can't get him to dry himself, I can't get him to dress himself, I can't get him to brush his teeth, I can't get him to put on deodorant, I can't get him to eat his breakfast, and on and on. It's the biggest, most horrendous fight every single day that the normal parent has no idea whatsoever. I have had two other children (no longer living at home) who got ready for school and went. The end.

I SO understand what you go through......too bad I don't have any solutions. Maybe someone will have the magic that we need!!