Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 189498" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome to the site. I'm sorry you're having these problems with your son. A lot of what you describe sounds very familiar. Except for the torturing of the animal.</p><p></p><p>Do you think his main aim is to torture the animal? Why? What do you think he is trying to do? Can you get into his head at all?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes what we see, and what is really going on, can be very different. Not that he's not really hurting the cat - I do believe you - but in his head, he just might not be connecting that the cat is suffering. Or he mightn't connect the cat's pain to how he would feel. And this would be despite your best efforts - because sometimes no matter how hard we try, if our child's brain just isn't ready to learn a particular lesson, then it won't.</p><p></p><p>Thinking of difficult child 3 when he was like this - his aim was not specifically torture, but he would have found the cat's reaction funny and would have done it again, to get a similar reaction. it's like a baby playing with a squeaky toy - they squeeze the toy, it makes a noise, the baby laughs, ten squeezes the toy again.</p><p></p><p>If that is what is happening here, then your attempts to convince him that what he is doing is causing another creature pain - he just wouldn't get it. How could what he is doing be causing pain, if it is so much fun for him? </p><p></p><p>Because for our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, often what is happening in their heads is an utter lack of connectedness to other individuals. Looking at it the other way - difficult child 3 would get angry with me for not instantly knowing what he was thinking. To him, surely every thought in his head was an open book to me? Because for him, HE knew every thought in HIS OWN head, so why didn't everyone else know exactly what HE knew?</p><p></p><p>He still does similar things - we listen to music he has collected onto the iPod in his folder (music form his favourite computer games) and he will quiz me, "Do you know this song? What is it from?" and gets impatient when I don't know the answer as well as he does. Repeatedly I've told him, "I don't play those games as much as you do. In fact, I have NEVER played those games. As a result, I do not recognise those tunes at all."</p><p>He finds this really hard to follow, and he is an otherwise highly intelligent child.</p><p></p><p>On this site we often recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It helps in a number of ways:</p><p></p><p>1) It helps you understand the world form the child's point of view. This is vital, if you are to ever find a way of changing how the child behaves.</p><p></p><p>2) It gives you easier rules to parent by. Included here is how to not engage in a battle that you aren't certain of winning. It also includes other ways around a discipline problem.</p><p></p><p>Your son is only 6. At this age it can be really difficult to pin down a diagnosis and lock it in for life. So keep an open mind - there could be more there, or the diagnosis may need to change. Often what we get to begin with is just an approximation.</p><p></p><p>Have you got him into a psychologist at all? Some kind of therapist? They may be able to find a way to get this message through to your son, where you haven't been able to. Again, it comes down to understanding what is happening in his head, so you can dovetail into how he thinks and get the cat's point of view across to him.</p><p></p><p>Until you can sort this out better - you need to segregate him from the cat. For his sake, the cat's sake, and yours.</p><p></p><p>Try to avoid punishment - as you are discovering, it doesn't work. What DOES work better is reward (catch him in the act of being good), positive feedback and natural consequences (letting the cat scratch him). </p><p></p><p>Stick around here, keep us posted. We can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 189498, member: 1991"] Welcome to the site. I'm sorry you're having these problems with your son. A lot of what you describe sounds very familiar. Except for the torturing of the animal. Do you think his main aim is to torture the animal? Why? What do you think he is trying to do? Can you get into his head at all? Sometimes what we see, and what is really going on, can be very different. Not that he's not really hurting the cat - I do believe you - but in his head, he just might not be connecting that the cat is suffering. Or he mightn't connect the cat's pain to how he would feel. And this would be despite your best efforts - because sometimes no matter how hard we try, if our child's brain just isn't ready to learn a particular lesson, then it won't. Thinking of difficult child 3 when he was like this - his aim was not specifically torture, but he would have found the cat's reaction funny and would have done it again, to get a similar reaction. it's like a baby playing with a squeaky toy - they squeeze the toy, it makes a noise, the baby laughs, ten squeezes the toy again. If that is what is happening here, then your attempts to convince him that what he is doing is causing another creature pain - he just wouldn't get it. How could what he is doing be causing pain, if it is so much fun for him? Because for our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids, often what is happening in their heads is an utter lack of connectedness to other individuals. Looking at it the other way - difficult child 3 would get angry with me for not instantly knowing what he was thinking. To him, surely every thought in his head was an open book to me? Because for him, HE knew every thought in HIS OWN head, so why didn't everyone else know exactly what HE knew? He still does similar things - we listen to music he has collected onto the iPod in his folder (music form his favourite computer games) and he will quiz me, "Do you know this song? What is it from?" and gets impatient when I don't know the answer as well as he does. Repeatedly I've told him, "I don't play those games as much as you do. In fact, I have NEVER played those games. As a result, I do not recognise those tunes at all." He finds this really hard to follow, and he is an otherwise highly intelligent child. On this site we often recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It helps in a number of ways: 1) It helps you understand the world form the child's point of view. This is vital, if you are to ever find a way of changing how the child behaves. 2) It gives you easier rules to parent by. Included here is how to not engage in a battle that you aren't certain of winning. It also includes other ways around a discipline problem. Your son is only 6. At this age it can be really difficult to pin down a diagnosis and lock it in for life. So keep an open mind - there could be more there, or the diagnosis may need to change. Often what we get to begin with is just an approximation. Have you got him into a psychologist at all? Some kind of therapist? They may be able to find a way to get this message through to your son, where you haven't been able to. Again, it comes down to understanding what is happening in his head, so you can dovetail into how he thinks and get the cat's point of view across to him. Until you can sort this out better - you need to segregate him from the cat. For his sake, the cat's sake, and yours. Try to avoid punishment - as you are discovering, it doesn't work. What DOES work better is reward (catch him in the act of being good), positive feedback and natural consequences (letting the cat scratch him). Stick around here, keep us posted. We can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified
Top