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petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 677052" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>I had no idea he had any type of mental health issue, until around 21 or 22. Everything that would've been visible, bipolar wise (if he is in fact BiPolar (BP)) was completely veiled in drug use. He has ALWAYS been on something. Other than when on probation a few times. He's called me randomly with certain 'paranoias' like socially. I thought (and he did, too) at some point when he was 21ish (while he was clean due to probation) that he had social anxiety. Would call citing situations where he described feeling socially awkward when with friends, in a group. Saying stuff like 'I am not sure if I should look in someone's eyes when I am talking to them, or does that make ppl feel awkward?' And once, while at a small party at some friends apt., 'one girl was asking me if I was ok cuz I wasn't talking much...' He said he felt awkward when she asked that. Come to find out later, that in these instances, he was smoking pot. Pot causes paranoia. My 'normal', clean son is not socially awkward. He was always the class clown in elementary school, with girls having crushes and so forth. Some kids were jealous of his attention from the girls. So, does he have social anxiety? Who knows? Because he's always smoking pot. Could the pot also be causing the bipolar symptoms? Who knows? Because he's always smoking pot. When he's been clean for long enough, I saw NO signs of these things. But, the sobriety does not last long enough. This has been a LONG road, going back to his early teens. Small little breaks, but certainly not sustained long enough to know who the real adult he is underneath all the muck. Does he have mental illness? I'm not 100% sure. Are most of his symptoms, caused by an almost constant presence of drugs and/or etoh in his system? Not sure, but possible. He has said his mind races. Is that from bipolar or could it be from self-medicating or from ADHD-which is what he was diagnosed with in 3rd grade? Who knows? I do know that after the psychiatric evaluation in June, and he was put on 2 medications, he raved and raved. In that first week, he said 'I am going to be on this stuff for life.' He said his mind calmed and he in general, felt calmer. A month ago, he stopped it. What can I do? Move him in and force feed him his pills everyday? It is his choice. Everything he does is his choice.</p><p></p><p>I relate his alcoholic rages to the alcohol and associated decrease in inhibition. I've learned that mean alcoholics are usually the ones who tend to meanness, sarcasm in their sober state. That is him. He has his father's dry wit, sarcasm and tendency to pessimism. I guess that was genetically passed on.</p><p></p><p>He has been in a facility for troubled teens, was there in around 9th grade, I think? For 3 months, inpatient. Mandated, I forgot what he got caught doing. I think that time he was in a vehicle with 2 other friends and there was pot in the car. His 'counselor' at that facility said nothing about mental illness. Said he had addiction issues. Was that a misdiagnosis? Not sure.</p><p></p><p>Once in middle school, he was baker acted. He had alcohol poisoning, took his GM's whiskey or vodka one day and decided to do shots. He was baker acted for 36hrs for that, in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. Did the psychiatric MD give him a mental illness diagnosis? Nope. Was something missed? Not sure.</p><p></p><p>From the age of ~14 to as long as he'd comply (maybe refused at ~16?) I dragged him to several counselors. Trying to get him to talk. He never completed any of it and was not polite to the counselor/psychologists. I had many sit downs with him. I apologized for anything I did to cause him upset, from when he was little to the time of the talks. It didn't help. He chooses to keep a tight grip on anything that he can use for manipulation, I think. My husband has many times had sit downs with him, trying to resolve any past misunderstandings. Nothing we've done, has helped. I cannot do this anymore. It is aging me. I currently have no appetite with this latest alcoholic binge. I told you about our phone convo last night. At one point when he started to bring up stuff about life and it's all bad, just very negative comments where it's hard to find something to be positive to, I got firm with him. I had been very kind and patient, trying to point out the good and positive that he could turn his life in to. But, at that point I got firm. He hung up on me. I was so tired as it was almost MN. I didn't want to go to bed on a bad note & was still worried about that VM he left me about not sure he wanted to live, so I texted him positivity. He texted me back that as a child, he needed a strong, independent man (which actually is how my hub is), a rock in his life. That was a dig at my husband, I think, as he mentioned in the next text that he had "<strong>me & his grandmothers</strong>". I never would've married a man who didn't love my son as HIS OWN. I can honestly say that his perception about my husband is not the reality we saw. But, his perception is his perception. Nobody is perfect. We all made/make mistakes. NO parent is perfect. We addressed multiple times with him, separately and he won't let anything go. His text sounded fairly stable so I went to bed.</p><p></p><p>I didn't call him all day today. Just a bit ago, I dialed his #, while I got goosebumps fearing how it'd turn out. If he answered, what would he say? Well, it rang and went to VM. I need to turn off ringer tonight, I got little sleep after last nights convo. But, I have so little willpower at this point. How do you guys do this? Should I turn off ringer tonight, at night? At night is when my stomach gets sick....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 677052, member: 19966"] I had no idea he had any type of mental health issue, until around 21 or 22. Everything that would've been visible, bipolar wise (if he is in fact BiPolar (BP)) was completely veiled in drug use. He has ALWAYS been on something. Other than when on probation a few times. He's called me randomly with certain 'paranoias' like socially. I thought (and he did, too) at some point when he was 21ish (while he was clean due to probation) that he had social anxiety. Would call citing situations where he described feeling socially awkward when with friends, in a group. Saying stuff like 'I am not sure if I should look in someone's eyes when I am talking to them, or does that make ppl feel awkward?' And once, while at a small party at some friends apt., 'one girl was asking me if I was ok cuz I wasn't talking much...' He said he felt awkward when she asked that. Come to find out later, that in these instances, he was smoking pot. Pot causes paranoia. My 'normal', clean son is not socially awkward. He was always the class clown in elementary school, with girls having crushes and so forth. Some kids were jealous of his attention from the girls. So, does he have social anxiety? Who knows? Because he's always smoking pot. Could the pot also be causing the bipolar symptoms? Who knows? Because he's always smoking pot. When he's been clean for long enough, I saw NO signs of these things. But, the sobriety does not last long enough. This has been a LONG road, going back to his early teens. Small little breaks, but certainly not sustained long enough to know who the real adult he is underneath all the muck. Does he have mental illness? I'm not 100% sure. Are most of his symptoms, caused by an almost constant presence of drugs and/or etoh in his system? Not sure, but possible. He has said his mind races. Is that from bipolar or could it be from self-medicating or from ADHD-which is what he was diagnosed with in 3rd grade? Who knows? I do know that after the psychiatric evaluation in June, and he was put on 2 medications, he raved and raved. In that first week, he said 'I am going to be on this stuff for life.' He said his mind calmed and he in general, felt calmer. A month ago, he stopped it. What can I do? Move him in and force feed him his pills everyday? It is his choice. Everything he does is his choice. I relate his alcoholic rages to the alcohol and associated decrease in inhibition. I've learned that mean alcoholics are usually the ones who tend to meanness, sarcasm in their sober state. That is him. He has his father's dry wit, sarcasm and tendency to pessimism. I guess that was genetically passed on. He has been in a facility for troubled teens, was there in around 9th grade, I think? For 3 months, inpatient. Mandated, I forgot what he got caught doing. I think that time he was in a vehicle with 2 other friends and there was pot in the car. His 'counselor' at that facility said nothing about mental illness. Said he had addiction issues. Was that a misdiagnosis? Not sure. Once in middle school, he was baker acted. He had alcohol poisoning, took his GM's whiskey or vodka one day and decided to do shots. He was baker acted for 36hrs for that, in an inpatient psychiatric hospital. Did the psychiatric MD give him a mental illness diagnosis? Nope. Was something missed? Not sure. From the age of ~14 to as long as he'd comply (maybe refused at ~16?) I dragged him to several counselors. Trying to get him to talk. He never completed any of it and was not polite to the counselor/psychologists. I had many sit downs with him. I apologized for anything I did to cause him upset, from when he was little to the time of the talks. It didn't help. He chooses to keep a tight grip on anything that he can use for manipulation, I think. My husband has many times had sit downs with him, trying to resolve any past misunderstandings. Nothing we've done, has helped. I cannot do this anymore. It is aging me. I currently have no appetite with this latest alcoholic binge. I told you about our phone convo last night. At one point when he started to bring up stuff about life and it's all bad, just very negative comments where it's hard to find something to be positive to, I got firm with him. I had been very kind and patient, trying to point out the good and positive that he could turn his life in to. But, at that point I got firm. He hung up on me. I was so tired as it was almost MN. I didn't want to go to bed on a bad note & was still worried about that VM he left me about not sure he wanted to live, so I texted him positivity. He texted me back that as a child, he needed a strong, independent man (which actually is how my hub is), a rock in his life. That was a dig at my husband, I think, as he mentioned in the next text that he had "[B]me & his grandmothers[/B]". I never would've married a man who didn't love my son as HIS OWN. I can honestly say that his perception about my husband is not the reality we saw. But, his perception is his perception. Nobody is perfect. We all made/make mistakes. NO parent is perfect. We addressed multiple times with him, separately and he won't let anything go. His text sounded fairly stable so I went to bed. I didn't call him all day today. Just a bit ago, I dialed his #, while I got goosebumps fearing how it'd turn out. If he answered, what would he say? Well, it rang and went to VM. I need to turn off ringer tonight, I got little sleep after last nights convo. But, I have so little willpower at this point. How do you guys do this? Should I turn off ringer tonight, at night? At night is when my stomach gets sick.... [/QUOTE]
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