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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 677064" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I know from experience with my own daughter, that when they are using, it is hard to know what is the drugs and what is a true mental illness. She has been given two different diagnoses, but when they are never "straight," the symptoms of addiction can mimic mental illness. Like you, I am not sure how much is really mental illness and how much is the addiction. Almost a, "What came first - the chicken or the egg?" type of dilemma. And as long as they are using, getting them to take their medication is difficult on top of it being difficult for a professional to figure out the "right" medications bc illegal drugs affect the Rx - and they aren't truthful to the doctor about using. It is very frustrating.</p><p></p><p>In the end, he is a 23 year old MAN, regardless of how he behaves, his perception of the world, his life choices, etc. I know that is hard to accept when they seem more like toddlers, but they are NOT. There is a different between "being a parent" and "parenting." You will always be his "parent," but it is not your job "to parent" him his entire life.</p><p></p><p>As mentioned before, the detachment article is very good and has helped me, personally, quite a lot. He is dragging you into the storm of his chaotic life...and you willingly let him. When you respond, either by answering the phone, giving into listening to the VM, trying to "make him feel better" and constantly give advice, you feed into his manipulations and guilt tripping. As long as he gets you tangled up, he will continue to trap you into these feelings of fear and guilt and regret.</p><p></p><p>It is hard...so hard...but you know you have done your job. Lay down your sword and give yourself a break. As long as he has people in his life enabling this behavior, he is being rewarded (in strange ways we don't understand) and he has no reason to stop.</p><p></p><p>Everyone's bottom is different, sometimes very deep. And we have to let them hit it before they can ever rise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 677064, member: 19905"] I know from experience with my own daughter, that when they are using, it is hard to know what is the drugs and what is a true mental illness. She has been given two different diagnoses, but when they are never "straight," the symptoms of addiction can mimic mental illness. Like you, I am not sure how much is really mental illness and how much is the addiction. Almost a, "What came first - the chicken or the egg?" type of dilemma. And as long as they are using, getting them to take their medication is difficult on top of it being difficult for a professional to figure out the "right" medications bc illegal drugs affect the Rx - and they aren't truthful to the doctor about using. It is very frustrating. In the end, he is a 23 year old MAN, regardless of how he behaves, his perception of the world, his life choices, etc. I know that is hard to accept when they seem more like toddlers, but they are NOT. There is a different between "being a parent" and "parenting." You will always be his "parent," but it is not your job "to parent" him his entire life. As mentioned before, the detachment article is very good and has helped me, personally, quite a lot. He is dragging you into the storm of his chaotic life...and you willingly let him. When you respond, either by answering the phone, giving into listening to the VM, trying to "make him feel better" and constantly give advice, you feed into his manipulations and guilt tripping. As long as he gets you tangled up, he will continue to trap you into these feelings of fear and guilt and regret. It is hard...so hard...but you know you have done your job. Lay down your sword and give yourself a break. As long as he has people in his life enabling this behavior, he is being rewarded (in strange ways we don't understand) and he has no reason to stop. Everyone's bottom is different, sometimes very deep. And we have to let them hit it before they can ever rise. [/QUOTE]
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petrified for 23yo son..
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