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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677094" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My now 27 year old son is on SSI for mental illness. He has been homeless. He has a chronic illness that requires treatment. He has had multiple psychiatric hospitalizations for danger to self. In the past he used threats of suicide and statements like, "I want to die" to manipulate and for attention. He no longer does so.</p><p></p><p>This is what I think: Any solutions will come from your son and public agencies.</p><p></p><p>Only he can come to grips with his situation, his life and decide upon a course.</p><p></p><p>He is entitled to believe anything he wants about you, your parenting, and his situation. You have a right to protect yourself. You are not obligated to listen to accusations or insults or even threats of self-harm. Every single time he may make a threat, I would call 911. </p><p></p><p>You are not obligated to have a relationship with him. Any relationship you choose can be limited in any way you choose. Any obligation you feel for him is for you to decide. </p><p></p><p>The only way you can be a responsible parent to him is to protect yourself first. Without respect there can be no parental authority or responsibility. Demand respect. Do what ever you have to do to limit contact until he is able to be civil to you. That includes limiting or curtailing phone calls, visiting, etc.</p><p></p><p>What must be faced by all of us is that any control we have over our adult children is in the past. We do not have control now. They do.</p><p></p><p>There has been no perfect parent. You do not have to justify yourself or defend yourself. To him or to anybody. Almost all of us have been criticized by our children and gossiped about by our families or neighbors or friends. Ignore it. It is not important.</p><p></p><p>You are important. Your child is important, but you cannot help him in a way that can be effective or enduring. He can help himself.</p><p></p><p>Right now is the time to determine adequate boundaries for you and for your relationship with him and to put these in place.</p><p></p><p>If you keep posting you will know what to do step by step. On this site you will find all of the support and information you need.</p><p></p><p>Take care. We are glad that you found us. Most of us were in a situation similar to your own. Many of us are not, any longer. Keep posting. It helps. Particularly posting on as many threads as possible. This is what changes us. </p><p></p><p>Finally, I learned and accepted that my terror for my son changed nothing. It did not protect him. It made me sick. Only the feelings your son feels about himself about his own peril will matter in protecting him. I know how hard this is. I wish it was different. It is not.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677094, member: 18958"] My now 27 year old son is on SSI for mental illness. He has been homeless. He has a chronic illness that requires treatment. He has had multiple psychiatric hospitalizations for danger to self. In the past he used threats of suicide and statements like, "I want to die" to manipulate and for attention. He no longer does so. This is what I think: Any solutions will come from your son and public agencies. Only he can come to grips with his situation, his life and decide upon a course. He is entitled to believe anything he wants about you, your parenting, and his situation. You have a right to protect yourself. You are not obligated to listen to accusations or insults or even threats of self-harm. Every single time he may make a threat, I would call 911. You are not obligated to have a relationship with him. Any relationship you choose can be limited in any way you choose. Any obligation you feel for him is for you to decide. The only way you can be a responsible parent to him is to protect yourself first. Without respect there can be no parental authority or responsibility. Demand respect. Do what ever you have to do to limit contact until he is able to be civil to you. That includes limiting or curtailing phone calls, visiting, etc. What must be faced by all of us is that any control we have over our adult children is in the past. We do not have control now. They do. There has been no perfect parent. You do not have to justify yourself or defend yourself. To him or to anybody. Almost all of us have been criticized by our children and gossiped about by our families or neighbors or friends. Ignore it. It is not important. You are important. Your child is important, but you cannot help him in a way that can be effective or enduring. He can help himself. Right now is the time to determine adequate boundaries for you and for your relationship with him and to put these in place. If you keep posting you will know what to do step by step. On this site you will find all of the support and information you need. Take care. We are glad that you found us. Most of us were in a situation similar to your own. Many of us are not, any longer. Keep posting. It helps. Particularly posting on as many threads as possible. This is what changes us. Finally, I learned and accepted that my terror for my son changed nothing. It did not protect him. It made me sick. Only the feelings your son feels about himself about his own peril will matter in protecting him. I know how hard this is. I wish it was different. It is not. COPA [/QUOTE]
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