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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677096" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Stop.</p><p>Stop talking and giving him fodder to bash you. You don't know why he chose to drink, but if addiction is in the family (alcoholic DNA father), it is a hereditary, physical problem. People differ in their tolerance to alcohol and drugs. Many go through a drinking stage and drug stage and then quit and move on. Your son obviously has that addiction "gene." He would have had it even if you had been 100% perfect (although nobody is). Chances are the first time he drank too much, he would have been hooked and his only cure is to quit and not drink or use drugs again. You didn't cause it, but when he is miserable in his world of addiction, and unwilling to seek rehab, he is very willing to toss you under the bus and to tell you why this is ALL YOUR FAULT. It's what addicts do. They blame other people, especially softhearted, loving parents who already feel responsible.</p><p></p><p>My advice, and you can take it or leave it, is to talk less, don't accept responsibility for what he does or why he does it, and offer a listening ear (unless he gets abusive...then disconnect the conversation) and say you love him, hope things get better, and remind him you will be there for him when he is working hard in a rehab. If he blames you, you have the right to say, "You're a man now and you choose what you do. I have to go now." It is not good to be afraid to anger your adult child who is abusing you by blaming you for his addiction. It won't help him. YOU can't help him. He has to take responsibility and has to help himself. All the listening and feeling guilty in the world will not help him one bit. He needs to be a man and realize it's on him and only he can help himself.</p><p></p><p>This, of course, is just my opinion. Too much listening gives them ideas of what to say to us that will make us feel guilty so that we hand out things, such as money.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and more hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677096, member: 1550"] Stop. Stop talking and giving him fodder to bash you. You don't know why he chose to drink, but if addiction is in the family (alcoholic DNA father), it is a hereditary, physical problem. People differ in their tolerance to alcohol and drugs. Many go through a drinking stage and drug stage and then quit and move on. Your son obviously has that addiction "gene." He would have had it even if you had been 100% perfect (although nobody is). Chances are the first time he drank too much, he would have been hooked and his only cure is to quit and not drink or use drugs again. You didn't cause it, but when he is miserable in his world of addiction, and unwilling to seek rehab, he is very willing to toss you under the bus and to tell you why this is ALL YOUR FAULT. It's what addicts do. They blame other people, especially softhearted, loving parents who already feel responsible. My advice, and you can take it or leave it, is to talk less, don't accept responsibility for what he does or why he does it, and offer a listening ear (unless he gets abusive...then disconnect the conversation) and say you love him, hope things get better, and remind him you will be there for him when he is working hard in a rehab. If he blames you, you have the right to say, "You're a man now and you choose what you do. I have to go now." It is not good to be afraid to anger your adult child who is abusing you by blaming you for his addiction. It won't help him. YOU can't help him. He has to take responsibility and has to help himself. All the listening and feeling guilty in the world will not help him one bit. He needs to be a man and realize it's on him and only he can help himself. This, of course, is just my opinion. Too much listening gives them ideas of what to say to us that will make us feel guilty so that we hand out things, such as money. Hugs and more hugs. [/QUOTE]
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