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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 677120" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>Your dtr is like my son. But, he's not been on his own for long. Just since August. He's never needed help from me to this extent, especially monetary wise. He has room rent to pay...never did before. He is making poor decisions with the use of the $ he does make/has made at his chinese food delivery job. When he goes on these 2-3 day binges (just got off the 3rd one in 2 months) he likely blows through $ quickly as he needs it to buy the booze. And depletes any positive balance his bank account may have. Then, he calls me to help, once the binge is over. Uh oh. I'm sober now, let me call mom for food $, gas $ as I blew thru what I had in an alcoholic daze! </p><p></p><p>Regarding your quote, <em>"When I first began to detach, quit feeding in, jumping at the chance to "help," it confused her. I quit being "immediately available" and became unpredictable in when I would answer the phone/text, call/text back, go see her, etc." </em>This is something that I have been working on in the past 2 months, with the 3 binges I've endured along with him (as he calls ME with the erratic and drunken crazy talk). But, my 'enmeshed and dysfunctional' thought process has me fearful that if I do what you recommend too abruptly, that he will not only be confused but he could take it as me rejecting him. (?) That might be a big blow to him? As 'I' (whether he admits it or not) am the ONLY one who has been a CONSTANT in his life (and the sucker<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/cry.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cry:" title="cry :cry:" data-shortname=":cry:" />), with unconditional love. When he has these drunken binges, it's ALWAYS been due to some sort of 'perceived rejection'. So, I am trying my hardest, but it will be slower for me. If I do something too fast, or before my head can comfortably wrap around it, then I know me...I will fail. That, or my anxiety will ramp up. I am already clenching/grinding HARD at night, I can tell because my upper left teeth are sore when I wake up and jaw muscles on that side, tender. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/frown.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":frown:" title="frown :frown:" data-shortname=":frown:" /></p><p></p><p>I am going to post an update in a bit, it might be long and don't have time this second. But, it will delve a bit more into this topic.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 677120, member: 19966"] Your dtr is like my son. But, he's not been on his own for long. Just since August. He's never needed help from me to this extent, especially monetary wise. He has room rent to pay...never did before. He is making poor decisions with the use of the $ he does make/has made at his chinese food delivery job. When he goes on these 2-3 day binges (just got off the 3rd one in 2 months) he likely blows through $ quickly as he needs it to buy the booze. And depletes any positive balance his bank account may have. Then, he calls me to help, once the binge is over. Uh oh. I'm sober now, let me call mom for food $, gas $ as I blew thru what I had in an alcoholic daze! Regarding your quote, [I]"When I first began to detach, quit feeding in, jumping at the chance to "help," it confused her. I quit being "immediately available" and became unpredictable in when I would answer the phone/text, call/text back, go see her, etc." [/I]This is something that I have been working on in the past 2 months, with the 3 binges I've endured along with him (as he calls ME with the erratic and drunken crazy talk). But, my 'enmeshed and dysfunctional' thought process has me fearful that if I do what you recommend too abruptly, that he will not only be confused but he could take it as me rejecting him. (?) That might be a big blow to him? As 'I' (whether he admits it or not) am the ONLY one who has been a CONSTANT in his life (and the sucker:cry:), with unconditional love. When he has these drunken binges, it's ALWAYS been due to some sort of 'perceived rejection'. So, I am trying my hardest, but it will be slower for me. If I do something too fast, or before my head can comfortably wrap around it, then I know me...I will fail. That, or my anxiety will ramp up. I am already clenching/grinding HARD at night, I can tell because my upper left teeth are sore when I wake up and jaw muscles on that side, tender. :frown: I am going to post an update in a bit, it might be long and don't have time this second. But, it will delve a bit more into this topic. [/QUOTE]
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