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Substance Abuse
petrified for 23yo son..
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 677283" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>Rebelson -</p><p></p><p>We all have our "journey" with our children. For some, they have always been difficult, the relationship always strained, the chaos and drama beginning from an early age. It is that way for me. And I think that is perhaps why it has been easier for me to take in all the advice without seeing criticism and detach and create boundaries. This has been my life for a long time, and coming here helped it all make "sense" and gave me a path to follow to save myself.</p><p></p><p>For others, the children they had wonderful, loving relationships seemed to change overnight and become people that were unrecognizable from who they had been. Such a sudden loss of that relationship add to the confusion, guilt, pain, and fear. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what it has been for you, but as many have said, we are all on different places on this path.</p><p></p><p>Because every child, every situation, and every relationship is different, there is no "right" answer that fits us all. Often, there is no "right" answer - just the one we can live with. Even with my detachment, there are still things I take care of and "monitor" on behalf of my daughter. Yet I do only what I am comfortable with for reasons that make sense to me (not her) and do not allow myself to be pulled into anything that I am not comfortable with or cannot agree to. And things that are out of my control? I have to accept they are her decisions and trying to intervene will only cause a fight, more venom, and her possibly using it against me or as an excuse to pull away. I still worry - but I don't pack a bag and live inside that worry.</p><p></p><p>For me, the thing that helps the most now that I see my child how she is right now is that I decide the boundaries of our relationship and what I will and won't do for her, and I remain consistent no matter the situation. I think it helps her to know the lines no longer shift and there are no more games or manipulations to try, and it gives me back control of my life and my sanity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 677283, member: 19905"] Rebelson - We all have our "journey" with our children. For some, they have always been difficult, the relationship always strained, the chaos and drama beginning from an early age. It is that way for me. And I think that is perhaps why it has been easier for me to take in all the advice without seeing criticism and detach and create boundaries. This has been my life for a long time, and coming here helped it all make "sense" and gave me a path to follow to save myself. For others, the children they had wonderful, loving relationships seemed to change overnight and become people that were unrecognizable from who they had been. Such a sudden loss of that relationship add to the confusion, guilt, pain, and fear. I don't know what it has been for you, but as many have said, we are all on different places on this path. Because every child, every situation, and every relationship is different, there is no "right" answer that fits us all. Often, there is no "right" answer - just the one we can live with. Even with my detachment, there are still things I take care of and "monitor" on behalf of my daughter. Yet I do only what I am comfortable with for reasons that make sense to me (not her) and do not allow myself to be pulled into anything that I am not comfortable with or cannot agree to. And things that are out of my control? I have to accept they are her decisions and trying to intervene will only cause a fight, more venom, and her possibly using it against me or as an excuse to pull away. I still worry - but I don't pack a bag and live inside that worry. For me, the thing that helps the most now that I see my child how she is right now is that I decide the boundaries of our relationship and what I will and won't do for her, and I remain consistent no matter the situation. I think it helps her to know the lines no longer shift and there are no more games or manipulations to try, and it gives me back control of my life and my sanity. [/QUOTE]
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