Phone Call from difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Last night husband and I had set down to have a conversation with easy child when the phone rang. It was difficult child which is odd since she never calls especially if the money I send her has already arrived. LOL Anyway I answered the call planning to tell her I would call her back right after the talk with easy child. She was in bad shape and crying so hard I could barely understand her. So needless to say husband handled the talk with easy child and I took the call.

    Basically she is overwhelmed and angry and completely unable to handle all the emotions she is having. The boyfriend is expecting her to be his wife and run the household now that they are living together. She had a car accident (not her fault) and now has to deal with insurance and a ticket she got for not renewing her registration. She is working 5 days a week at Macy's. The new kitten won't quit meowing and running around at night so she can't sleep. You know all the basics that we all deal with on a regular basis. LMAO

    She called me because the boyfriend doesn't understand how someone can be so sad and angry and irritable with no real rational reason. Apparently I am the only one who knows how she feels and can help her when she is like this. I was amazed she said those words. She was completely nice during the whole conversation and actually listened which is amazing. I gave her advice on taking deep breaths, walking away before yelling, making sure the boyfriend respected it when she said she needed quiet time or a break, and basically taking care of herself.

    I talked her in to going to the Dr to get on some medications and told her I would call and make the appts for her. I also talked her in to going to see a therapist to get advice on how to deal with her emotions. Last but not least I assured her she wasn't crazy that she was just overwhelmed and had every right to be. I just explained that sometimes we need help and that our SO's can't always be our whole lives and support group that we need other people and sometimes even therapists to deal with things.

    I hope I am doing the right things but honestly I am just happy she called and that she is ok. She promised not to hurt herself and to call me when things were this bad. All in all I felt it went alright for the first time in a year we spoke like mother and daughter. It was wonderful even though she had to break down for it to happen.
     
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow. Sounds as if your difficult child got a real live glimpse of real life! That's what you wanted and that's what you and she got.

    I am really encouraged by her actions and getting in touch with you. You've gone through so much nonsense with your parents and your difficult child........you waited it out............you kept the connection but didn't enable..............you went through all of your own grief and anger and all of those awful emotions we all go through when our kids turn their backs on us and hurt us with their accusations...............you weathered the storm dstc and looks as if your difficult child is turning a corner............growing up.............realizing that YOU are the one she wants to talk to when she hits that first adult wall. I am happy for you. You did a really good job throughout all of the trials and tribulations.

    And, in order for there to be a breakthrough, often there is a breakdown............so you are right on target. Nice job.
     
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Thanks RE! It hasn't been fun and I highly doubt it is over but at least I can see there is still a human in there that can be nice. LOL
     
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