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Substance Abuse
Phone calls from difficult child are terrible
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 581782" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Karen, It is so hard to watch them hurting but it is probably what he needs to go through. My son was at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when he was 15/16. We went through a lot of what you are going through now with the lies, complaints, manipulation and visits where he barely talked to us. He did eventually graduate from that program and we did have him come home and he did well at home for about a year before things went really downhill. He is now 21 and we have been through a whole other journey since then..... but although I have some mixed feelings about having sent him to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because iit "didnt work forever" I also know that by sending him there we saved him some brain cells because without it he would have gotten into the drugs worse and faster than he did. </p><p></p><p>Anyway that is not really my point.... He was pretty angry with us for a while and it was hard on our relationship but so much has happened since that I think he finally has realized that he got himself to where he is and he is no longer blaming us like he did. So although we have a ways to go to build a really good healthy relationship, I have a lot of faith and hope that we will as long as he stays sober (which of course is a big if). </p><p></p><p>A friend who is a therapist told me once that you cannot have a primary relationship with an alcoholic or drug addict because their primary relationship is with the substance..... that made a lot of sense to me.</p><p></p><p>So I believe as painful as this is right now you are doing the right thing not to fall for his manipulations and to stand firm. You know that without understanding and dealing with his drug issues there is no way he will keep those promises. My son was great when he first came home....and did well too in a lots of ways.... but once he started using again it all went downhill.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 581782, member: 15801"] Karen, It is so hard to watch them hurting but it is probably what he needs to go through. My son was at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when he was 15/16. We went through a lot of what you are going through now with the lies, complaints, manipulation and visits where he barely talked to us. He did eventually graduate from that program and we did have him come home and he did well at home for about a year before things went really downhill. He is now 21 and we have been through a whole other journey since then..... but although I have some mixed feelings about having sent him to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because iit "didnt work forever" I also know that by sending him there we saved him some brain cells because without it he would have gotten into the drugs worse and faster than he did. Anyway that is not really my point.... He was pretty angry with us for a while and it was hard on our relationship but so much has happened since that I think he finally has realized that he got himself to where he is and he is no longer blaming us like he did. So although we have a ways to go to build a really good healthy relationship, I have a lot of faith and hope that we will as long as he stays sober (which of course is a big if). A friend who is a therapist told me once that you cannot have a primary relationship with an alcoholic or drug addict because their primary relationship is with the substance..... that made a lot of sense to me. So I believe as painful as this is right now you are doing the right thing not to fall for his manipulations and to stand firm. You know that without understanding and dealing with his drug issues there is no way he will keep those promises. My son was great when he first came home....and did well too in a lots of ways.... but once he started using again it all went downhill. TL [/QUOTE]
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