Phone Calls

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pasajes4, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    :fightings:MWM and Lil have recently mentioned the phone calls from their children that come one after the other until they finally answer the phone. My son engages in this most annoying, frustrating and immature habit. The fact that he is in jail has curtailed this bombardment of annoying calls. He only gets 50 min. of calls a month. This month he ran out of min. by the 15th of the month. Leave it to a difficult child to find a way to get around the rules. I was at dinner with my mother at a really nice restaurant, having a lovely evening, when my phone rang. I looked at caller id and answered thinking because of the late hour and the phone # it could be an emergency. His case manager said that she was going to allow difficult child a couple of min. on the phone because he was so worried about me since I was in the hospital and deathly ill. I was $%%^$. He got on the phone and I let him have it. I also let his case manager know about his manipulation. If he would just put that much thought and effort into doing the right thing ....Geesh.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    difficult children need to get together and write a novel called "Classic manipulations." My son went a bit farther in his manipulation. His old workplace had a boss who never allowed anyone to take a day off of work unless it was a family emergency. He did not give vacation time or paid sick days. He believed you come to work unless you were dead, which gave difficult child ideas.

    Apparently, on top of his bosses ridicules time off rules, he was a big "family man" and bragged that he lived with his parents until he was forty????!!!!! and his twins who were 25 lived at home and got toys as if they were two years old. So the only way Son could get a day off was to claim a family emergency. And it had better be good.

    Can you guess what he said? It worked.

    Probably not.

    He told his boss that his father died. There is something really perverse about this, in my mind. His father used to call him at work, but he was not able to after that and his father was also puzzled and ticked off. But Son wanted time off and he got it, along with sympathy that he didn't deserve. Did Son think of maybe looking for another job? Well, yes, but to be fair, he spent three years looking, the economy was horrible, and he couldn't get one and he NEEDED time off to destress.

    I agree with Son that his boss was nuts and his no-vacation rule was goofy, although he paid Son very well. However, saying your father is DEAD???? Really???????? Not sick. Not maybe dying. Not on his last leg. DEAD????

    I think both of these lies come under "You know you are a difficult child if...."
     
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    WHAT?!?

    Your difficult child must be the manipulator of manipulators!

    Conning his case manager.

    Ha!

    :O)

    You handled it beautifully. What in the world was he thinking?!?

    So brazen about it, too!

    Cedar
     
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Good job!

    The crazy phone calls stop eventually when we keep those boundaries intact.

    difficult child rarely calls unless I ask him to. Although he did call last night but that's another thread.
     
  5. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Bravo for you for ratting him out on his con job!
     
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I remember when my difficult child would call us from jail, it was always collect, so we are paying for the call and all he wants to do is argue and blame. One thing I would not stand for is him cussing. I would warn him that if he started cussing that I would hang up.
    It also got to the point I had to limit him on how often he could call as he was wanting to call everyday just because he was bored. Each time he called us it was $15 of course he didn't understand this because in his mind husband and I are made out of money. He got really nasty with me one time saying that if we loved him we would let him call us whenever he wanted. In the end, when he would re-offend and have to go back to jail I told him the only way I would communicate with him was via letters.
     
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The state gives juveniles 50 min. I won't pay for calls. I don't pay for commissary, and I don't buy the brand name shoes they are allowed to have.
     
  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Neither do we.

    We knew difficult child daughter was in jail.

    She was generally inebriated when she called.

    It was hellish. We would get those calls in the middle of the night. My take on it is don't take the calls. What they do when they are doing wrong things is their business.

    How are you taking care of yourself through this time?

    I am so sorry, and so angry for you that this is happening.

    These kinds of calls could reach out of nowhere and change my life.

    Really, I am so angry for your sake.

    You do not deserve this kind of treatment from your child.

    I could cry, when I remember how that felt.

    A special prayer for your strength and for you to find and stay in your center going right up, right now.

    Cedar
     
  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Wow! Did he actually think you wouldn't tell her the truth? Unbelievable.

    When our son started getting calls from his buddy in jail, we actually called the phone company and put a block on his phone so it couldn't take collect calls or calls from any jail.
     
  10. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    When I was prego with difficult child her bio dad would call from jail. Being young and dumb I took the first few calls. Then I didn't take them anymore. He was a mess and basically just wanted to be around her without doing anything to help with expenses or raising her. He wanted play dates with his kid. He figured he could drop off diapers once in a while. LOL

    in my humble opinion I wouldn't take his call for a while after that. How dare he manipulate his case worker like that, especially when he is getting ready to get out and need a place to live. How does he plan to build your trust or theirs if he is constantly lying to everyone.
     
  11. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Case worker there after hours? Well, its a juvenile facility so I don't know how those work. As for us, offenders can purchase minutes through the canteen or family members can purchase minutes for the offender through the company so no minutes means no phone calls. We do give emergency calls but verify the information first. If I had an offender tell me his mom was in the hospital and very sick but he was out of minutes I would get all relevant information; moms name, hospital name, room number if they had it. Then I'd call the hospital and verify it. If she wasn't there and he said that the hospital name might be wrong I'd get online and look for other nearby hospitals. No other hospitals nearby? By default, you just lied to me so now you're on the :censored2: list! Even if he did manage to talk me into calling her cell, once I heard the non-hospital back ground noise I would then question her about what was going on. If she stated that she was in the hospital, I'd then get the information from her to re-verify that she was actually in the hospital. We regularly have family members who assist with the scams. If I couldn't verify this, the offender would then receive a Conduct Violation for Giving False Information and Theft by Deceit and I would talk to his case manager and see about getting him charged for the phone call anyway!
     
  12. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Here's what I've learned about this, because I've done the same thing. I see that it's my difficult child, and it's an odd hour, and I think "I'd better answer, it must be important." But guess what? It never is. No exaggeration, 100% of the time, it is NOT a dire emergency when one of my difficult children calls. And you know what? If it was an emergency, they'd leave a message and I'd call back. No one is going to die if I wait a few minutes to call back. So, it's STILL ok if I don't answer the phone and disrupt a nice evening out, or getting ready for work, or whatever it is I'm doing that is more important than a phone call.

    This took a lot of practice, and I imagine there may be exceptions with certain situations, but it's something I've forced myself to learn. I slip occasionally, but for the most part, it's another realization that's brought me some peace, and freedom.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2015
  13. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    If someone might be dying in the next few minutes then they should be calling 911 for an ambulance or the police anyway!
     
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The phone number was the dorm office #. The last time a call came that late from that # they were taking him to the hospital with a broken wrist. That is the only reason I answered the phone. They will allow the kids to call after their mdt meetings.
     
  15. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Makes more sense. Sorry.
     
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