Shari... I feel your frustration to my very core, and I ache more than I can tell you for Wee. This SD has been dropping the ball for well over a year now, in my humble opinion. Yes, they've stepped up a bit more to the plate this year but... the end result really isn't that much different, from my very detached point of view. Between the bologna half days at the beginning of the year and the suspensions and days you've picked him up since he went back full time, to say nothing of the days when sped teacher isn't there so he can't go, exactly how much time has he missed? I'm guessing pretty darn close to a full month of instructional time, at the very least. The educational impact of this lost time cannot be underestimated in my humble opinion, as well as the social and self-esteem impacts.
This is just my opinion, Shari, so do with it what you will. In an ideal world, trained staff should be able to work with- Wee and should know full well what his triggers and warning signs are to avoid these meltdowns. But it's not an ideal world and realistically, I don't think anyone could consistently avoid them especially when you throw in variables like Mallory or a bad day or a sub teacher. So then you have to think about how the meltdowns are handled, and in my humble opinion removing him from school simply is not an appropriate choice on a consistent basis (there are always exceptions). Again, I think the staff has stepped it up a bit this year, but they are in way over their heads. It seems like when they've had enough, they call you and suspend him.
I thought the half day idea was horrific when they started it last year, Shari. I really got the sense that staff thought things would miraculously get better. But these behaviors do not fix themselves, and nothing proactive was done to prepare Wee or the SD to better cope with- a full school day (again, just from my perspective). It seems to me they've offered you a whopping 2 choices - half days or the current situation, neither of which offer Wee the opportunity to obtain an appropriate education in my humble opinion.
I think it's time for goals to be readjusted here, dramatically. Until Wee is able to maintain in a school setting, with intensive supports, he will not be able to learn. What the SD has tried for the last year and a half has not worked. It is time to get very assertive and demand that your son be put in an appropriate placement with appropriately trained staff. Period.
From the time my thank you hit preschool, he was a behavioral nightmare. Talking back to teachers, telling them what he would/wouldn't do, rolling around on the floor, making animal noises. By first grade he graduated to throwing books, desks, anything he could get his hands on. He got an IEP in 2nd grade, and then they started changing placements by mid 2nd grade. Sped director insisted it had to be a stepwise progression to more restrictive placements, which our SD had several alternatives. It was a very fast progression - by the end of 2nd grade he was in a therapeutic elementary school. Was he learning more? Not on paper. Were his behaviors better? Nope. Were there staff who were trained and experienced in dealing with- his outrageous behaviors? You betcha. The focus of staff and his IEP became less about academics and more about behaviors - you cannot expect anyone to educate a child who is tossing desks and rolling around on the floor. You have to address those issues and *then* you can move on to more academic stuff. It was a real shame because thank you was an incredibly gifted child, Shari. He lost so much ground during those elementary years and he's never made them up. What he did learn, he learned via osmosis I think.
He's still got quite a bright mind but compared to what it could have been.... BUT, he did eventually get to the point where he could be in a classroom and for the most part not be disruptive. in my humble opinion, until you get a kid to that point, you don't have a shot at offering an education. And again in my humble opinion, it is going to take staff who have far more experience and training that what your SD is currently offering to get Wee to the point where he can benefit from a classroom.
I think it pretty much boils down to how much longer you can let this continue. I think you have more than ample evidence that the SD is not providing FAPE, just based on the amount of time he hasn't been in school. How is it going to be any different next month, next year, in 5 years? What is going to change?
You have bent over backwards to accommodate the SD, Shari. You have worked so incredibly hard to manage things within the limits that they have set up. I don't think it's inappropriate to say "enough" now. It is time for them to find or create an appropriate placement with staff who not only will work hard on trying to manage his triggers but who will also be able to appropriately deal with his meltdowns, on site.
I apologize if this is coming off harsh - the written word is a bear when it comes to conveying empathy and sympathy and support. I truly truly do have an inkling of where you're at right now - rubbed beyond raw, frustrated, stymied, and above all else worried to death about your son. I just don't get the sense that your SD is going to do much more than they're doing right now without you donning that warrior armor and holding them to their responsibilities.
I hope that you and Wee have a wonderful weekend, hon, and that you are able to get a chance to recharge yourself and him. Many gentle hugs to you.