piercings, dyed hair and difficult children

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by compassion, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. compassion

    compassion Member

    Any other difficult children that are obssesed with this??? I considerthis a choose my battle category. by the way, It is now 61 days that she has not run or used substances. I willl not sign for piercings or tatoos but let her send for self piercing kit :she earnede money by cleaning for me. She dyes hair sometimes 3 times a week. It is a self expression thing. She is really quite talented at it.
    It is very different from me but it is a part of loving and accepting her as she is. She is 15.
     
  2. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Yes, my difficult child 1 dyed her hair different colors and was also into piercings and tattoos. I did not allow any piercings or tattoos before she was 18 but she pierced herself anyway. I really didn't care about the hair dying and the goth clothing and all that. When she turned 18 she got a tattoo and now has several (she is 20 now). I don't know how many piercings she has. She is an exotic dancer so none of this is a problem for her in her "career."

    Jane
     
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Wiz is 17 and in a program at a technical school where students can get any services but the food court free (and the food court is amazing food priced dirt cheap - basically priced to cover costs of food and equipment - it is a training school for some really great cooks). So he has had all SORTS of colors in his hair this year. And it all gets done for free. He can even get FREE massages, of which I am TOTALLY jealous!

    Right now his normally brown hair is orange. Kind of copper in some lights at this point, but in some lights it looks kinda like Ronald McDonald. We just smile - he has natural curl and his hair gets very bushy if not cut short, and of COURSE he doesn't want it short, LOL!

    We do discourage the clothing with skulls on them - too many younger kids in the family that would be bothered by it. And his job is OK with hair coloring, but not with piercings or tattoos, and he is really liking the $$.

    I have told him that if he gets a tattoo or a piercing he will have to pay cash out of his pocket for a tetanus shot and for tests for hepatitus, etc.... (until just a year ago it was illegal to give a tattoo in our state, so this rule was made so he wouldn't have some "friend" give him a home-made tattoo or piercing.

    Once he is 18 he can do what he wants with-in limits - nothing that is scary to the younger kids that can't be covered easily.

    I think you are wise to pick your battles. Some are not worth fighting.
     
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    We haven't had to deal with this (yet), and have hopefully brainwashed our kids on this topic since we began the dialog about these things when they were very little.

    Although, they now have a cousin whose parents allowed her to get a small tat on her hip when she turned 18, and her mom joined her in getting one as well. Can't control what other people do, all we can do is explain the risks and our reasons for objecting and hope they hear you.

    Susie is right -- some battles you have to walk away from.
     
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I let manster highlight his light brown hair with blonde highlights. Boy was he happy to show off his new do :) He would like some wild colors but school policy thankfully prevents that kind of experimentation. He's also tried the koolaid streaks. The idea of tats and piercings intrigue him but he is hypersensitive to pain thank goodness :) ML
     
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Even easy child's do these kinds of things.....
    easy child once let her cousin dye the front strips of her hair bright pink---of course since her hair is brown she had to strip it first---that's the last time she did something with her hair---she was 13.

    difficult child once came home from church youth group with pink hair as well. It was supposed to be red----he refused to go to school...I had to strip his dark brown hair completely blonde and shave him almost bald to get rid of the pink.

    All of my children have tattoos---all of them got them when they turned 18. PCson has a delta sign (his military school company) on his shoulder. difficult child has a beautiful EARTH, WIND, FIRE, WATER on his arm----it reads the same both ways---looking down and looking up. PCdaughter has a cross of nails on her back (her whole right flank).

    PCson wanted his ear pierced from about 3rd grade. My rule was middle school age and pay for it yourself. The summer after middle school I took him to the mall with his birthday money, said there it is, go get her ear pierced. He didn't. Never mentioned it again.
    difficult child pierced his a few years ago, but never really wore an earring. Daughter has her ears pierced several times---a belly button---and had her tongue pierced but got strep throat two days later and took it out!
     
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Try a little reality television--"When Tattoos Go Bad". Some video footage of folks dealing with horrific skin infections might just do the trick!

    ;)
     
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Compassion, 61 days AND COUNTING!!!! That is absolutely wonderful. I am so happy for you both.

    I never signed for a piercing or a tattoo but my daughter has both. She went out and got 2 tattoos of boys names she met on the internet. Never met them in person. I found out after she had gotten them, of course. I was devastated. I could have killed her. I cried for days!!! She would not tell me where she got them. She pierces her own body like it's nothing. She did her nose, her chin, her tongue and her ears with a sewing needle!!!! She didn't even use ice to numb herself. CRAZY!!! Not to mention DANGEROUS!!! But, as you know she does what she wants no matter what. She has such a high tolerance, she feels no pain. Thank God none of the piercings ever got infected.

    Can't wait to see what she does next!!!! :)
     
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My daughter is 13 and while she hasn't had extreme hair colors, she has recently gone to black. Her hair was a really dark brown to begin with. It really looks good on her.

    She got her nose pierced this summer. There is no way I would let her do a self-piercing kit. It's too dangerous with infections and such. Piercing places use sterile tools and know what they're doing. She wants her lip pierced next - a spiderbite piercing. Two piercings on the side close together.

    However, my easy child son pierced his own ear a few years ago. Just pushed an earring right through. A friend of his recently did the same at my house about 2 weeks ago.
     
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT wants aqua streaks in her hair, but school dress code doesn't allow it. I don't care about hair...it'll grow out. Anything but an ear pierced I do care about, I've seen some pretty nasty infections, and I told Miss KT that our insurance wasn't covering her inability to take proper care of any unauthorized piercings. The only tattoo issues I have is when the tats interfere with getting a job. I used to teach adult school, and several of the students spent a lot of time and energy hiding what they referred to as "mistakes" so they could get hired.
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jessie and I were at the pool last summer and there were a few dads with a LOT of tattoos. She looked at them and asked me where can people with blatant tattoos get jobs? because at least here you just don't see tattoos on people working in restaurants and retail or doctors offices or schools.

    I told her I didn't know.

    there was one family there with a few older relatives and they ALL had lots of tattoos. Jessie looked at the way some had sagged or been distorted or faded with age and asked me to remind her of that if she ever asked for a tattoo! All on her own.

    I don't know if Wiz will get tattoos or not. I am not really against them, except for underage or done by anyone who isn't a professional. As I mentioned earlier, until 2008 they were illegal to do in our state - you could have them, but you couldn't GET them or GIVE them. That is why I told him that if he showed up with a tattoo he would have to pay out of pocket for the hepatitis, HIV, tetanus, etc testing and shots. I may have even thrown rabies into the mix for effect.

    As it stands now, Gma and Gpa are against him getting any. I think he would balk as soon as he realized it hurts.

    I also think starting to talk about tattoos, etc... when the kids are little and first noticing them is a good idea, whatever your values are regarding them.

    Just like Wiz is convinced that since he is on medications if he uses any illegal drugs they will kill him. I started on that when he first went on them at age 7 and thank Heaven for Aspies and their rules, that one seems to have stuck!
     
  12. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I have a little of a different opinion on some of this one. Hair to me also is no big deal. 12YO easy child got her hair streaked before school this year. We both love it. difficult child J got a mohawk the last time he got his hair cut, took one look at it in the mirror and cried, so we shaved it off LOL

    As for piercings and tattoos, once my kids turn 16, I will allow piercings, if done at a reputable piercing place. I have had as many as 13 piercings. Tattoos... I currently have 11, and plan to get 3/4 sleeves done after the baby is born. My oldest son got his first tattoo when he was 17, I paid for it. The other kids will get their first at 17-18 if they want, and it isn't something stupid (like someones name). I would rather take them to get it done and know that it is someplace safe, than them have a friend do it.

    Hugs,
    Janis
     
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I actually know quite a few non-difficult child's who are maxed out on piercing. One of them, a very artistic and brilliant teen, said she uses this as a form of self-expression. Hey, I can't argue. She's an honor roll kid who has never been in trouble. So I don't think it's necessarily a difficult child thing at all. I think it appeals to more artistic kids. My jock daughter thinks it's very gross and only wants her ears pierced. My older daughter (who WAS a difficult child and is very gifted artistiscally) likes piercings and tatooes and has both (she's 24). But she no longer is a difficult child. That's just her tastes. So in my opinion it's really depends. As a PS: When my daughter was in Cosmetology School, ALL the girls had multiply colored hair. They even all dyed their hair red, white and blue for July 4th. Cute, huh? ;) They were all around 18-20, but that's not too far from 17. Weird hair colors are very "in."
     
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hair colorings...hmmmm...let me count how many colors of the rainbow we've had in our house! By both difficult child and easy child. easy child mostly wanted to try different strange styles and always went blonde from her natural medium brown. difficult child wanted colors. She's done purple, fuscia, reddish highlights, and caramel is what she's finally settled on, thankfully. I never fought hair coloring - to me it is such a non-issue in today's world. So what? If they don't like it they can always color it back and if they do, they can suffer through the stares they receive. Not my problem, especially compared to the other, more important things they could get into.

    Piercings? Well, again, 15 was the magic number in my house for nose or belly piercings. I don't mind a teeny tiny stud in the nose, but have always refused to sign for anything else or allow anything else, such as other body parts or the eyebrow piercings. In CT you have to be 16 for piercing and 18 for tattoos. Thankfully, they both grew out of the desire for an eyebrow piercing (ew!!!) or a hoop through the nose, as if they were fighting bulls. Nope, they each have thier belly buttons pierced and their noses, but only with the tiny stud diamond. I actually think it's pretty. The belly button thing grosses me out, but I don't have to see it because niether daughter shows their midriff (which makes me wonder why they even have it pierced). My difficult child recently had her nipples pierced and that, to me, is just horrible. I am so worried about the breast feeding thing, scar tissue, infection, etc. Besides, who benefits from that? Just don't get that one. But she is 19 so I can't do beans about it.

    Tattoos? Well, I got my first one when I was 40. I had always wanted one and after searching and searching, I finally found a design I liked and took it to a reputable place around here and had it done. I've had work done on the same one 3 times and love it. Since then, I have gotten two more. All three can be covered, except in the summer 2 'may' show. And the third one I have to have touched up but it's right on my ankle bone and it will hurt like heck, so I keep putting it off. My H says that I am the bad influence in this regard. That my dds would never have gotten tattoos if I hadn't. I do not think, in this day and age, that my daughter's would not have gotten tattoos. I know they would have. I have always stressed the importance of getting a tattoo (if they must) in a place that can be covered. Unfortunately, there are still some people who have preconceived notions about people with tattoos that are simply not true. I like the tattoos that my daughter's have. I would like them to stop now, especially difficult child, as she has 4 and wants another one. I want them to take a long break so they can be sure whatever else they put on their body means something to them and isn't just some silly thing. For instance, my difficult child wants to get a flamingo with flames coming off it's tail feathers...?? Hahaha. My easy child has been designing a 'family' tattoo. She wants something that she can incorporate several ideas into one tattoo that will represent her families. I like the idea and she's told me that she will have it put in a place that can be covered as well - she initially wanted a sleeve (EIyee!!), thank God no more.

    I think you're wise to choose your battles carefully. These things, in my opinion, are not worth flipping out over.
     
  15. compassion

    compassion Member

    True, It is expression. For me this issue though is to put some stops while the impulsivity is so high. Today her friend and herself wern tout with pink streaks in theri hair. I think friend had more colors. The academic world/the athletic world is not so tolerant. It is the while thing about prosocial behaviors. It can be a real sign of alienation. So, yeh a different hair color every week that is cool. The snakebite piercings, well she has to take them out on the volleyball court. I aree tatoos can be very artistic. good point MWM, my daughter is very visual and very gifted artisitcally. Compassion
     
  16. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ah, I see--

    You are not against hair color/tattoos/piercings per se--but you would like her to stop and think about the potential ramifications about making those choices.

    Is she into acting/role playing at all? An easy way to drive home your point might be to dress in different "costumes" and go out in public. See the reactions people have to different looks. Wigs, temporary tattoos, clip-on earrings can be used to create different personas. And don't forget having her take a turn in a very professional business suit. The level of respect she receives in one outfit vs another will be dramatic!

    Perhaps that would be a fun way to make your point?

    (Of course, it could also backfire if she prefers the shock to respect...but you know your daughter best.)

    --DaisyF
     
  17. judi

    judi Active Member

    My difficult child is now 23 and we started with the hair and goth clothing when he was 15. Got him booted from school as that was in the days of Columbine. He got his first tattoo at age 18 and a second shortly thereafter. He has had piercings too but none at the moment.

    Like everyone says, ya gotta pick your battles.
     
  18. robinm1922

    robinm1922 One day at a time

    My difficult child has a few piercings, her ear lobes, one ear cartilage and her nose. The nose is a very small stud and looks really cute on her. I was hoping it would hurt more than it did that way she wouldn't want anymore! She was bugging me about a lower lip piercing but I have told her she is done with piercings for awhile. She is 15 and doesn't have any tats, not that she doesn't want them! The deal for her to get a tat when she turned 16 was to get good grades, well now that isn't an issue now. The only way she is going to get a tat or any piercings is by me taking her to a body piercing / tat shop. I have see too many of her friends get bad ink and have some serious problems. Her hair changes a lot. I haven't let her do any "in your face" color. She has had pink, blue and black, not all at the same time, in little peek a boo places. She is naturally blond and right now is a dark brown. Nice thing about blonds is they can wear most colors.
    I have decided to pick and choose my battles. I have found the more time I give her to think about what she wants done the more she changes her mind.
    Last night she went from a strawberry blond to a dark red/brown with blue/green under the back. It is cute, not my style but cute.
    I think she feels different from everyone so she wants to look different. It is odd how she wouldn't wear black to wearing it most of the time.
    Hair is the least of my battles right now.
    I would suggest if she has saved the money for a self piercer that you reconsider and take her to a body piercing salon. She could cause some damage if it isn't done right, not to mention piercing her friends which could cause problems for you from other parents, just MHO.
    Best of luck and congrats on the 63 days!
     
  19. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Daughter says she wants a tattoo when she's 18. Fine, but I'm not going to pay for it. I threatened anyone that put ink in her skin before she's 18. I've warned her that she may regret it when she's my age. We went through the cartilage piercings and lots of holes in her ears. She let one cartilage heal because it got infected. The other because it bothered her when she slept. She had to have some of the holes in her ears redone because she WOULDN'T WEAR EARRINGS. I don't think she has anything now because they have all healed up. Daughter would get so many holes because of this one girl she was friends with and then wouldn't wear earrings. Drove me nuts!

    Son has been wanting his ears pierced since forever. I see boys 7 or 8 with their ears done. I told him when he's 13 I will allow it. Though, he hates pain. We'll see when it comes right down to it.

    Neither one of my difficult child have been into the hair dye thing. It was hard enough just to get them to comb it!
     
  20. courtfrog2

    courtfrog2 New Member

    I helped my difficult child dye her hair in November. This was after she was put on Zoloft and I thought it was great that she was feeling to good. Not knowing that it was just the Zoloft making her manic :sad-very:

    She dyed it dark brown from blond. It actually looks fine on her. She loves it even though she hates herself these days.

    It's only hair!
     
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