Piggback from KLMNO'S post about female stuff

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Jun 7, 2009.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I wanted to start my own post focusing on the "other side" of M.

    I have finally arrived. No more feeling like an emotional roller coaster. Hot flashes continue to occur but not as frequently or as intense. I haven't had a '.' in 2 years now. Mostly this is all good... except.....

    PERSONAL STUFF to follow (warning to our male members)

    husband has got to stop taking my biological changes so personally. It's not that he doesn't "excite" me anymore, it's simply that my hormones have dried up. He told me last night that I have shut him out completely. It's true I think. When he was drinking for those years I detached for survival. I didn't trust him and became autonomous. Now, he appears to want back "in" and wants increased intimacy. Perhaps counseling would help and I may look into our company's EAP. But also, I need some ideas on things that might help me to enjoy physical intimacy again.

    Any thoughts or suggestions welcome. If they're too personal please pm me xo ML
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I've also been on the other side for 2 yrs now. My libito is dead. Well, dead as far as husband is concerned anyway. I doubt it's completely dead. lol Let's just say husband has been celebate for 2 yrs. He is not a happy camper about it. Oh, well. Doesn't even phase me. Gone also I've noticed is the need desire to kiss cuddle or any affectionate displays. Not sure how much of that is post M or just plain I've fell out of love with the man and it's not coming back.

    I know there is a medication you can get from the doctor to stire up your libito, much like the male version. Not sure how well it works, and can't recall what it is called. So that goes to show just how interested in it I am. :rofl:

    I do know that some couples our age go back to "dating" each other to renew the spark. I've seen it work a few times. But maybe if you tried something like that you'd be better to judge how much is M related and how much is related to the fact you distanced yourself from husband when he was drinking.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I could go without sex for the rest of my life, but I love hub so I pretend I like it :tongue:. I've never been a sex fiend anyhow. I have always sort of done it because I love the man, not because I need it.
    When I was divorced in my late 30's I had one hot affair that blew me out of the water. It was the only time I really liked sex.

    I had a really easy menopause. Everyone should have to take Paxil. I barely felt the change.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    My Dr says that part of my lack of desire is due to peri-meno. But we agree that a large part of it, at any age, is lack of emotional intimacy, period.

    H and I are out of synch. Have been for a long time and it's due in large part to the kids as well as us just going through our own stuff.

    Something else I've noticed and it's probably related to the being out of synch, but, when H is 'in the mood', it's always the most obvious worst possible timing. Really.

    If it's dryness you're experiencing, there are a multitude of over the counter items you can buy to help with that. If it's simply 'getting into the mood', dating is a good idea, making sure you exercise regularly (perhaps together) and eating right, drinking plenty of water. My Dr says that if you live healthy, the rest falls into place. Also, simply making time to treat each other nicely and with interest (in other areas) will help bring back the spark.

    This last tip is based on what I know it would take for H and I to find the spark again. This very morning he grabbed my b reast s as I was cleaning up special dog food for the pup who had me up all night puking, after I had JUST changed the sheets on our bed. He just doesn't get it. Meanwhile, I'm swollen up like a tick with this inflammation thing so I am so NOT in the mood. For anything. I feel bad about it sometimes.

    I'm sure other more experienced members will be along shortly.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Seriously? Are men really utter and complete morons? YES lol

    At least husband doesn't dare suggest intimacy during such moments anymore. If something is clean he knows to steer clear of it, and if I've not slept to steer clear of ME. Which he's rediscovered today. lol