Pity party - just need a few uplifting words

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by muttmeister, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    This has been the year from hell at our house. I have posted about it before but just a summation of the year so far:
    1. In January a long time friend was killed in a car accident.
    2. In early spring, difficult child 1's wife ran off with another man and he got a divorce.
    3. In summer, my neighbor and good friend was killed in a care accident.
    4. In early September my 98 year old mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer.
    5. In September my mother fell and broke her hip on her birthday.
    6. The next day difficult child 2's wife moved him out and told him not to come back.
    7. In October, we moved my mother to a nursing home. THen found out she could not stay as Medicaid will not pay unless we sell difficult child 2's house which he bought with his own money.
    8. About a month ago difficult child 2's wife ran off with an escaped convict and took all 3 grandkids along. We still don't know for sure where they are.
    9. Nearly 2 weeks ago, one of difficult child 2's new girlfriends (whom I had known since she was a child) was killed in a car wreck.
    10. My mother is moving in with me tomorrow and I feel very unprepared to deal with her.
    11. I've been helping my kids (especially difficult child 2) way too much and find myself deeper in debt than I've ever been in my life.
    12. Last weekend, difficult child 2 was boxing with a friend and fell on his head and has been to the doctor 3 times already because he has bleeding on his brain. They want him to go to a specialist but, of course, he can't as he has no money and no insurance. Basically they told him that it will either go away or it will kill him.
    13. Today I find out that difficult child 2 is probably going to jail for 6 months because of a fight started by his crazy wife. I was relying on him to help with my mother. So much for that.

    I know that there are lots of people in the world worse off than I am. I have a paid-for roof over my head; I have food to eat; I have a reliable source of income. Both of my kids and all of my grandkids are, as far as I know, alive and , except for difficult child 2's head, healthy. I have friends and family who care about me and two dogs that make me happy. But right now, I'm feeling sorry for myself. It is to the point that I really don't want to answer the phone or the door because I expect that it is another
    s#!+ storm coming.

    Christmas has always been a big deal with us but right now it looks like Christmas will consist of me and my mother. I can't buy presents or make cookies for the grandkids because I don't even know where they are. No school programs, no Sunday school programs, etc. difficult child 1 lives 2 hours away and may have to work that day and difficult child 2 may be in jail by then. I guess his presents can collect dust till spring. And with my mother here, I can't leave her alone so I am going to be pretty much home bound.

    Just need a few positive thoughts sent my way.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so sorry that your son is so hurt and cannot get help. Have you called the dept of human services or checked with a local clinic? Talk with the hospital social worker about his situation. They are there to help with this type of thing. Often medicaid can be given for a short time to deal with a traumatic injury or health crisis. We were looking into that way back for my hysterectomy. I know several people who have had some sort of crisis and they got help through either DHS or the hospital sw.

    I am sorry that Christmas looks like it will be dreary. It is a shame that your other difficult child may be incarcerated during that time.

    I hope you can find something to do that will allow you to enjoy the holidays. Maybe stock up on old fave movies and fave junk food and have a movie marathon? or start a project you have always wanted to try.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I am sorry that this year continues to be so difficult, with so much pain for one family to bear. Is there hospice that can help you care for your mother?
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Muttmeister. You have had more than anyone should have to deal with in a year. I really hope things start to turn around next year.

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Mutt I can help with number 12. Tell difficult child 2 to go get it taken care of regardless of no insurance ect. He can pay a buck a month until the cows come home if need be......but honestly many doctor/hospital will reduce the bill (or eliminate it completely) for someone without insurance who just can't afford to pay. His injury is serious. Even of docs/hospital wouldn't work with him........well, trust me I've spent my entire adult life up to my ears in dept medically. It's not like you go to jail for not paying or something. Not worth his life.

    I keep you in my prayers hon. Only uplifting thing I know to say is 2013 is a brand new year. I'm looking forward to it myself.........ugh

  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So very sorry to hear this...........Big Giant Hugs coming your way with some prayers that life lightens up, difficult child's stay on track, grandkids come home, money comes your way getting you out of debt, angels come to help with Mom and all the negatives turn into positives...............hang in there.............it WILL get better.
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    You've endured more than a lifetime in just one year. Things can only get better. We're all here for you - when you need encouragement, you know where to go. Just do your best with Mom and find respite in quiet moments and on this board. Hugs to you...
  8. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for all of your problems. I don't understand why difficult child 2 needs to sell his house in order for his grandmother to get Medicaid. Did she sell it to him too recently to miss the look back period? Does your state have hospice? I was able to get 4 hours per days 5 days a week for my aunt plus they provided most of her medications. It saved her $300 a week that I didn't have to pay the aides. Does your state have in home medicaid? In my state, the look back period for that is only 3 months. It's intended to provide care at home for the elderly.

    Good luck.
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am so sorry for your troubles... You must be so overwhelmed.i admire your strength and your kind heart and I wish you a return to joy and a more peaceful life soon. Xoxo
  10. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    How awful! I'm surprised you haven't pulled your hair out....

    I'm so sorry. Seems some years are just crushing, and you've certainly had more than your share this year.

    Hang in. 2013 is just around the corner.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry Mutt. Too much in 1 year for anyone to take on. Huge hugs!
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    (((((((HUGS)))))))))) This has been the year from hades for so many of us. You have a lot on your plate. DO contact your Human Services Department they might be able to help.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending very caring thoughts and hugs your way, Mutt. I do suggest that you pour a cup of coffee, a telephone book and if you have one a laptop and then call, call, call, call every possible resource for your Mom. Call agencies. Call the various support groups. Call the hospital social workers and maybe the nursing home social workers too. Almost always there is "some" help available but you have to work hard to find it. Many prayers coming your way too. DDD
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hugs and so sorry your year has gone so badly. Do try to get help regarding mom and son. If need be, agree with HD, send him to ER. They can't refuse to take care of him.
  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though it has been your "Annus Horribilis". Best wishes for the New Year to you.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry Mutt. I second asking the hospital if they have some sort of indigent care program that can help him with doctors. Never know. Also check into hospice. But yes, this has been a heck of a year for you. Hugs.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. You DO have a lot on your plate!

    All those car wrecks. How tragic. I am so sorry.

    And both difficult child's spouses left them. Sigh. And then the head injury.

    Yes, this Christmas will be rough. I would just put on some music and sit with-Mom and hold her hand.

    When is difficult child 2 going to jail?

    Do your grandchildren know your ph#? Would they ever call on their own? I can't believe you still haven't heard anything. I am so sorry.
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    My thoughts? #$&*#%&@_+!) and WOW.

    What you asked for: Uplifting words . There was one other - comfortable word.....something chair, oh yeah Morrischair. Dang things got removable cushions and whatnot. Sounds like a real must have.

    animated, blithe, bouncy, cheerful, cheery, effervescent, elastic, fanciful, flippant, frolicsome, gay, graceful, happy, high-spirited, jaunty, light, light-hearted, merry, nonchalant, resilient, sprightly, volatile, whimsical
    lively activated, active, alert, animated, dynamic, energized, gay, happy, spirited, vivacious, adorning, advancing, artistic, beautifying, beneficial, broadening, civilizing, constructive, corrective, developmental, dignifying, disciplining, edifying, educative, elevating, ennobling, enriching, expanding, glorifying, helpful, humane, humanizing, influential, inspirational, instructive, learned, liberal, liberalizing, nurturing, ornamenting, polishing, promoting, raising, refined, refining, regenerative, socializing, stimulating,elevation, elucidation, enhancement, enlightenment, illumination.

    I''m not sure that illumination should be in there. But I did recently see a man wrap himself in tree lights and dance around. That was kind of uplifting. Of course I told DF I didn't watch. (I did) It was like some Evergreen Lambada. And if you drank you could drink until your nose is as red as Rudolphs and illuminate your own hallways in your home, but I don't recommend it. With your year? You just may not stop and well ....from one who knows? Someone has to be the center of sense and sensibility. Yes.....I get tired of it ALWAYS being me too. That's why I look at the forbidden evergreen dance....and come here and blow it out my red nose.

    I love you Mutt. And For What it's worth.....I do think about you and your struggles, and I'm sorry my friend. Hugs ......Star
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm truly sorry you have such a heavy load at the moment. (hugs) I just want to let you know I'm thinking of you and know we're here for you anytime you need to "talk".
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    How are you doing today? Just checking. {{hugs}}