This time last year, I had so much joy. I had the health issues, but I felt at peace. This year, not so much. I've been a good girl about taking my statin and it's making me sick and it's making me sleep. I sleep 8-10 hours at night and take a 4-5 hour nap during the day. Plus, the muscle weakness, confusion, etc. Typical for when in a flare, but the flare is over. I'm continuing to go through vicodin withdrawal. Tonight I had what I call the freezing sweats. I am freezing with goosebumps and chills, but am sweating. I feel nauseous. Last night I had the 'restless-body' thing and it was pretty intense. Then I remembered I hadn't taken any vicodin because I didn't need it. My doctor doesn't think my body can become dependent on vicodin because of how little I took, so she hasn't done anything to help wean me off. I explained that I did the same thing after my heart attack. I was on IV dilaudid for 2 days, percocet for 2 days and then tramadol for about a week. When I had these symptoms, the cardiologist said it was probably my body reabsorbing the hematoma. When I told my current doctor my current symptoms, she said I was probably spiking a fever and that the toradol was bringing it down. Except that I didn't have a fever. I took my temp about a half dozen times. So, the only thing to do to get these things to stop is to take a vicodin that I don't need because the toradol is working. I want weaned off the vicodin. I also want the toradol prescribed as a PRN, but I don't know if she'll do that. There is an increased risk of severe GI side effects, but it's my understanding that that is if you take it around the clock - 40mg a day. One pill is 10mg. If I take 10mg at night, I don't have as much pain the next day. My neighbor died a week ago today and I'm just distraught. He was only 54 and he was such a good person. It just seems so wrong. Last year at this time I had hope. Everyone thought that I would have a diagnosis and would be back to work by April. Now, no one knows. And every flare is worse than the one before and the normal I return to isn't as good as the last normal. I love Christmas. It is my absolute favorite time of the year. I really get into it. This year, I really couldn't care less. I don't have money to buy my kids Christmas presents. I'm going to skip the utilities for a month so I can at least do a little something. I want to have my Christams spirit back. I want to feel like I did this time last year.