Placement for difficult child ... not going well

[TerryJ2]

This a.m., I got a phonecall from a cool place in upstate NY that deals with-special needs kids who also have emotional issues. They ran our application through the clinician, who said they they do not have the resources to deal with-difficult child.
I was absolutely not expecting that response.
Then I called Boys Town in Wash, Difficult Child, since I hadn't heard from them. We have to release difficult child to the state, or have a court order after a felony conviction. I asked the woman what sorts of offenses the other kids had committed, and they were pretty violent, way beyond what difficult child has done. I told her my difficult child was on that route but not that bad yet. And we are still awaiting a court date. She said they do not do private placement but she referred me to a place in UT.
UT is already on my list from another source.
I suspect that the only place that can handle his complicated case will be something utterly unaffordable.
Should I sell the house, or just blow it up and collect on the insurance?

 

[JJJ]

Finding the funding is often harder than finding a place. Is getting a school district funded placement an option?

 

[DaisyFace]

Hmmm...

I *do* like the "blow up the house and collect the insurance option"....LOL - just kidding of course!

But this is sooooo familiar. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) A said difficult child was more than they could handle....Residential Treatment Center (RTC) B said difficult child wasn't "bad enough" for their kind of facility... And that left private-pay-we'll-do-anything-for-your-child-for-the-right-price types of places...and that was waaaayyy out of reach.

So sorry you are running into this.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Remove all photos and family heirlooms and then blow it up. JK of course.

Why could there not be an in-between place that would be affordable or better yet - covered under insurance? I sure hope you find something or the court orders something for difficult child.

You are such a warrior mom - every day you do something to help your child. Allow yourself some peace knowing that you are doing everything you possibly can for him.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you. Today, I made him two sandwiches, and decided not to kill him.

 

[BeachPeace]

Thank you. Today, I made him two sandwiches, and decided not to kill him.

Sometimes - this is all anyone can ask. Sending you hugs as you deal with this.

 

[Bunny]

BeachPeace, I was going to say the same thing, but you beat me to it.

Many times I have said to my sister in law that I just do not understand how the good lord thought I could actually parent this child. I mean, what was He thinking? Her response to me was, "Because he is still breathing every night when the lights go out."

 

[klmno]

"Because he is still breathing every night when the lights go out."

As funny as tht is, there's probably a lot of truth in it!

 

[DaisyFace]

"Because he is still breathing every night when the lights go out."

As funny as tht is, there's probably a lot of truth in it!

I quite agree! In fact, a therapist once told me that she suspects many cases of "child abuse" are parents who snapped when faced with a difficult child. In lesser hands - you child might have been beaten to death in an ignorant attempt to get him to stop his behaviors.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Thank you. Today, I made him two sandwiches, and decided not to kill him.

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/for...ult-child-not-going-well-49387/#ixzz1zfjaRcVo

Terry - I am not sure if you meant that to be funny or not but I laughed about that sentence for quite a while. Then I laughed again when I was making difficult child's lunch for him to go to work with husband yesterday. Mostly because I totally relate to it!

Any news on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) front in the last couple of days??

 

[TerryJ2]

"Because he is still breathing every night when the lights go out."


Yep.
Now I'm going to read that link ...

 

[TerryJ2]

Welcometowitsend, wait, that's MY link! ROFL!
I've noticed that on my computer, it takes the next sentence and/or the link to the thread along with-it when I do a cut-and-paste.
I think that lately, my entire brain has been cut -and-paste.

 

[DammitJanet]

Terry...I have no idea if you have looked into anything in NC but we have some programs here. Google wilderness camps in NC and specifically look for one that starts with an E. There is also one that has several campuses in different states but it isnt associated with those folks that operated down in the islands and got closed down.

 

[TerryJ2]

Janet, I found one in NC that starts with-an Su. But I'll keep Googling.

We also did one two yrs ago that started with-an So but difficult child hated it because the kids were very autistic and it was obvious. He didn't one to be "one of them."

 

[exhausted]

Terry, many of these places have low interest loans available to help. They have all kinds of lenders. They are considered educational loans. Also, can your church help (if you have one). Often they give churches discounts so the rate is lowered-we paid a lot less than we would have (still had to scrimp like crazy and spend college money). Here in Utah we are mecca for these places-I suspect that our dominant church has a lot to do with this as they are generous at helping their families. There are a couple here that have been in trouble so please double check everything.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Terry - With the 'link' thing - don't feel bad, I did that too! LOL.

It sounds like you are finding some other possibilities which is great! I know you'll keep digging until you find the perfect one for your difficult child.

How's the poison ivy and shingles? Better?

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you! Hadn't thought of a church affiliation for a loan.

The shingles hurts like the dickens. I went to see BRAVE yesterday and saw so many people I knew, and had to wave them all off when they wanted to hug me.
It takes a lot of energy just to breathe. But I am breathing.
Thanks for asking.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Terry,

Years ago, my closest friend gave me a memo pad/magnet with the saying, "At the end of the day, if your children are still alive, you've done your job." I must have repeated that saying zillions of times, sometimes zillions of times in just a 24 hour period.

I wish I had some useful advice/info! I'm glad others are giving you some leads! It infuriates me that it is so difficult to find appropriate help, and then when you finally find something that might work, go broke, mortgage away your life, etc., - All this just to be able to have the chance to try to help your child become a happy, productive, self-sufficient member of society. Mental illness "rots"!! What an understatement!! I'm going to get off my soapbox before I even begin.

Many caring thoughts, hugs being sent your way this morning... SFR

P.S. I hope you feel better ASAP!!

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you! I'm going to try taking some L-lysine and some more Vit C.

 

[exhausted]

Terry,
Oh my gosh so sorry for your shingles! This is so painful. Please care for yourself.
I also wanted to share what a psychiatric for the inpatient unit told us the first time an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was suggested. He told us that under no circumstances should we go into horrible debt by getting second mortgage or something attached to our home. He said that there is no guarantee these places will work, that difficult child and family needed a home to come home to, and that we still needed to live the rest of our lives. He mentioned that debt was as big a stress as a difficult child when you couldn't pay it. He told us that very few people could really afford these places without help. He told us not to be ashamed and ask evrywhere we could for help, we did because we love her. It was hard to let go of pride and ask everyone and every resource, and yet, we got the help we needed without going into debt. We did have to scrimp, eat alot of cheap food, no new anything, but we did aall right.

When difficult child was in 1st Residential Treatment Center (RTC), we only ment one family doing it without grandparents, church, school loan, friends or scholarship (yes a few places have these). Most are around 7,000 a month! Anyone who helps also gets a tax write off because these are nonprofits most of them.