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played like an idiot
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 105239" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Caroleanne - </p><p></p><p>I would second what Scent of Cedar had to say - very good advice from her and all - </p><p></p><p>As far as your talk with husband - do you really think you had a talk WITH him or AT him? Do you have a gameplan for parenting WITH him or are you once again stepping up and telling everyone how it is going to be? Where was his input in any of this? Where did HE say "Okay I'm on board with OUR decisions." </p><p></p><p>True sometimes you have to step up and be the parent, and these kids require us to TAG each other so to speak - but it sounds very one sided and you doing all the work. If he's going to parent, then I would be interested in hearing his side of thoughts - you can't parent your husband, but if you're going to be both parents then you DO have a bigger problem. </p><p></p><p>Solving it now will make it better in the long run. Being a warrior MOM is fantastic....and can be better for you if HE is going to be your support and not drag you down with ugly words and decisions on the fly. There is 'some' wisdom to be had in his experience of how you go at a person who is high - give him some floor space and let him tell you why what he's saying is good advice. If it comes out illogical point THAT out to him then and then YOU speak your mind. </p><p></p><p>I say this because - I'm am not a big drinker nor have I ever been an alcoholic. I was however a fantastic puker!! My son is 17 and never done drugs or drank. But when we had the "talk" about drinking I went on and on and on about how bad it was and how disappointed I would be and on and on. DF stopped me and said "If you want to drive him to drink and never come home safe that was the best way to do it." I thought "Is HE TOTALLY DAFT? If MY child drinks why I'll...." and tangent be hung. DF explained some things about drinking that I had no clue about. He gave examples of how to handle the situation before it became a situation and IF it did happen here's what he thought we should do. He made sense out of my frustration. I like you would have blasted my kid had he ever called and said "I'm drunk." Not knowing or thinking from the mind of someone who was an alcoholic. Instead we have a plan if it ever happens again and both sides got to point out their feelings and logic. When both parents get to decide on the rules for their children they have a vested interest to uphold the parental law. </p><p></p><p>If he's NOT going to participate at all in her upbringing - then pack a bag, take the kids and ask for child support in the form of cash. </p><p></p><p>Sorry you have to go through this. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 105239, member: 4964"] Caroleanne - I would second what Scent of Cedar had to say - very good advice from her and all - As far as your talk with husband - do you really think you had a talk WITH him or AT him? Do you have a gameplan for parenting WITH him or are you once again stepping up and telling everyone how it is going to be? Where was his input in any of this? Where did HE say "Okay I'm on board with OUR decisions." True sometimes you have to step up and be the parent, and these kids require us to TAG each other so to speak - but it sounds very one sided and you doing all the work. If he's going to parent, then I would be interested in hearing his side of thoughts - you can't parent your husband, but if you're going to be both parents then you DO have a bigger problem. Solving it now will make it better in the long run. Being a warrior MOM is fantastic....and can be better for you if HE is going to be your support and not drag you down with ugly words and decisions on the fly. There is 'some' wisdom to be had in his experience of how you go at a person who is high - give him some floor space and let him tell you why what he's saying is good advice. If it comes out illogical point THAT out to him then and then YOU speak your mind. I say this because - I'm am not a big drinker nor have I ever been an alcoholic. I was however a fantastic puker!! My son is 17 and never done drugs or drank. But when we had the "talk" about drinking I went on and on and on about how bad it was and how disappointed I would be and on and on. DF stopped me and said "If you want to drive him to drink and never come home safe that was the best way to do it." I thought "Is HE TOTALLY DAFT? If MY child drinks why I'll...." and tangent be hung. DF explained some things about drinking that I had no clue about. He gave examples of how to handle the situation before it became a situation and IF it did happen here's what he thought we should do. He made sense out of my frustration. I like you would have blasted my kid had he ever called and said "I'm drunk." Not knowing or thinking from the mind of someone who was an alcoholic. Instead we have a plan if it ever happens again and both sides got to point out their feelings and logic. When both parents get to decide on the rules for their children they have a vested interest to uphold the parental law. If he's NOT going to participate at all in her upbringing - then pack a bag, take the kids and ask for child support in the form of cash. Sorry you have to go through this. Hugs Star Hugs [/QUOTE]
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