Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Playing the Friendship Guilt Card
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 393543" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I think these are things that I'm usually not the most tactful with in our board family and lack social ambiguity - but in that pussyfooting stance that I lack and used to have (before therapy) and I can also be tactful I just like to really be sarcasticly funny - I know that I won't allow myself or my family to be a door mat of YES people and then sit at home and stew. I won't. I did for years until I couldn't deal with it, or it boiled over into a full blow explosion where I blew and then I looked like an (for lack of better descriptive word) - idiot - raving, ranting and then feelings did get hurt and you come off looking like the bad guy because, well after all; you NEVER DID say you WOULD NOT. </p><p> </p><p>So anymore at 46 no matter who it is (except maybe my Mom) I take a very direct approach and I'm not afraid to say exactly what I think. I've found in the last couple of years also that while in the back of my mind I may cringe when I say what I really feel - people respect me for it AND I'm not the one sitting up at night wondering why I didn't buy more alka-seltzer or wasting MY time complaining on the phone to someone about MY poor choices. My Mom is actually the absolute BEST at putting my choices RIGHT in front of my face when I don't face things I did. VERY ANNOYING and for the longest time - not helpful. NOW? Not annoying because I don't do things that put myself in those situations and I see that she was right - </p><p> </p><p>So what MY thoughts would be -are very similar to D3's advice. Do I think that this woman is scared or whatever? Well - yeah, but to start barking orders now? I dont' know if she's jockying for a position as lead boss so that there IS no question that SHE won't have HER schedule infringed upon or if she's just worried about her sister. I don't know her so can't make a judgement, but reminding her of her tone isn't going to help at this point. Setting her straight on YOUR schedule and what YOU are able to do once you ask her what her needs are WILL certainly SET YOURS and allow her to still be the boss, just with reliable workers. Also I would ask her to have a plan B in mind - as in - "NOW that that is set - IN CASE something happens on the days I have to do XX and XX for your sister - WHO can we get to do my chores? She's probably not thinking of a back up plan......Suggesting THAT? Can saves YEARS of heartache....everyone needs a backup buddy they can call in a pinch. THOSE favors CAN be counted and should be - You do this for me - I'll do that for you - You can even suggest some kind of token system on that count to keep the score open and even. Sounds petty - but believe me - you go past your own chores on a situation like this and people WILL get ugly no matter how much you love someone. Especially women. Guaranteed. maybe also suggest a meeting once a month with everyone - a pot luck dinner at their house to talk about how it's going and air grievances - ??? Amnesty day so to speak. </p><p> </p><p>I dunno. Just thinking out loud.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 393543, member: 4964"] I think these are things that I'm usually not the most tactful with in our board family and lack social ambiguity - but in that pussyfooting stance that I lack and used to have (before therapy) and I can also be tactful I just like to really be sarcasticly funny - I know that I won't allow myself or my family to be a door mat of YES people and then sit at home and stew. I won't. I did for years until I couldn't deal with it, or it boiled over into a full blow explosion where I blew and then I looked like an (for lack of better descriptive word) - idiot - raving, ranting and then feelings did get hurt and you come off looking like the bad guy because, well after all; you NEVER DID say you WOULD NOT. So anymore at 46 no matter who it is (except maybe my Mom) I take a very direct approach and I'm not afraid to say exactly what I think. I've found in the last couple of years also that while in the back of my mind I may cringe when I say what I really feel - people respect me for it AND I'm not the one sitting up at night wondering why I didn't buy more alka-seltzer or wasting MY time complaining on the phone to someone about MY poor choices. My Mom is actually the absolute BEST at putting my choices RIGHT in front of my face when I don't face things I did. VERY ANNOYING and for the longest time - not helpful. NOW? Not annoying because I don't do things that put myself in those situations and I see that she was right - So what MY thoughts would be -are very similar to D3's advice. Do I think that this woman is scared or whatever? Well - yeah, but to start barking orders now? I dont' know if she's jockying for a position as lead boss so that there IS no question that SHE won't have HER schedule infringed upon or if she's just worried about her sister. I don't know her so can't make a judgement, but reminding her of her tone isn't going to help at this point. Setting her straight on YOUR schedule and what YOU are able to do once you ask her what her needs are WILL certainly SET YOURS and allow her to still be the boss, just with reliable workers. Also I would ask her to have a plan B in mind - as in - "NOW that that is set - IN CASE something happens on the days I have to do XX and XX for your sister - WHO can we get to do my chores? She's probably not thinking of a back up plan......Suggesting THAT? Can saves YEARS of heartache....everyone needs a backup buddy they can call in a pinch. THOSE favors CAN be counted and should be - You do this for me - I'll do that for you - You can even suggest some kind of token system on that count to keep the score open and even. Sounds petty - but believe me - you go past your own chores on a situation like this and people WILL get ugly no matter how much you love someone. Especially women. Guaranteed. maybe also suggest a meeting once a month with everyone - a pot luck dinner at their house to talk about how it's going and air grievances - ??? Amnesty day so to speak. I dunno. Just thinking out loud. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Playing the Friendship Guilt Card
Top