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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 393555" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>I also find the sister's phone call offensive and out of line. No matter where they live, family should be rallying to help J and her husband - whether that is in the form of flying out to spend more</p><p>time (FMLA?) with J, or arranging for private duty nurses, the first responsibility lies with family. Then, when they've exhausted their possibilities, letting good friends know how serious the</p><p>situation is and accepting OFFERS of help with gratitude, is fine. Good friends do tend to do what they can, within the limits their own situations impose. For the sister to order you and your husband</p><p>to 'be proactive' and get in there with significant help, not knowing what your personal situation is, is rude in the extreme. You don't have to feel guilty about ignoring this sister, in my humble opinion. You can</p><p>talk directly with J's husband and find out the needs, and then OFFER what you are able to offer in the way of help, something that doesn't wreck your own, difficult home situation. </p><p></p><p>Your own family's needs have to come first. When things are settled and in order at home, then you have the ability to reach out, to the extent that YOU feel able, to help others, whether J or</p><p>anyone else. And the sister? I would consider blocking her phone number, or at least screening her calls. You aren't answerable to her. </p><p></p><p>(Sorry for the rant; I was livid after reading this story, and I don't feel inclined to give sis the benefit of the doubt here. She may be fearful for J, but if she's that worried she has the option to do whatever is necessary to spend time with J herself. But she doesn't have the option of calling people up long-distance, people whom she doesn't even know well, and ordering them to 'step up'.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 393555, member: 2884"] I also find the sister's phone call offensive and out of line. No matter where they live, family should be rallying to help J and her husband - whether that is in the form of flying out to spend more time (FMLA?) with J, or arranging for private duty nurses, the first responsibility lies with family. Then, when they've exhausted their possibilities, letting good friends know how serious the situation is and accepting OFFERS of help with gratitude, is fine. Good friends do tend to do what they can, within the limits their own situations impose. For the sister to order you and your husband to 'be proactive' and get in there with significant help, not knowing what your personal situation is, is rude in the extreme. You don't have to feel guilty about ignoring this sister, in my humble opinion. You can talk directly with J's husband and find out the needs, and then OFFER what you are able to offer in the way of help, something that doesn't wreck your own, difficult home situation. Your own family's needs have to come first. When things are settled and in order at home, then you have the ability to reach out, to the extent that YOU feel able, to help others, whether J or anyone else. And the sister? I would consider blocking her phone number, or at least screening her calls. You aren't answerable to her. (Sorry for the rant; I was livid after reading this story, and I don't feel inclined to give sis the benefit of the doubt here. She may be fearful for J, but if she's that worried she has the option to do whatever is necessary to spend time with J herself. But she doesn't have the option of calling people up long-distance, people whom she doesn't even know well, and ordering them to 'step up'.) [/QUOTE]
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