Plea bargain......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Jun 19, 2008.

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  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My son called from jail saying he got a letter from his lawyer offering a plea bargain. Something about 18 months - i didnt get to here it all because i was at the drive thru in the bank. What is a plea bargain? does anyone know? Also the mental health lady was where my son was calling from and she said something about a place in north carolina. what does that mean?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I believe he pleads guilty of something for less time in prison. Others will come along soon.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It means that he pleads guilty to a lesser charge. 18 months could be either jail time or probation---depends on the judge. I would guess jail time. If he was offered probation I'm sure he would have told you. I don't know any places in NC---sorry.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    A plea bargain means pleading guilty to lesser crimes than he is charged with, and getting a sentence that is shorter than the minimum sentence he would receive if convicted of the crimes he is now charged with.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They are correct on what a plea is but what would concern me is the fact that he is calling FROM some mental health place! This would lead me to believe that he has already pleaded out and is OUT!

    From what you have told us here his charges really werent all that serious. 18 months would most likely have been a probation term because he has been in jail for this amount of time already.

    I have no idea about what type of placement they are talking about in NC. Please dont send him to my I have enough trouble with my own.
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Janet, sounds like the "mental health lady" may have been a therapist at the jail. Stands did say her son was calling from the jail, but who knows?

    Stands, he's 24. He needs to work this out for himself. Let him call and give you the details of what is happening but do your best to stand back and let him resolve his issues.

    Do you have any idea what kind of sentence he was looking at originally and exactly for what? Did this jail time have anything to do with getting the medications from the 13 YO? If so, it could easily be 18 months jail time with probation on top of that. Courts and DAs have a tendency to frown upon contributing to the delinquency of a minor in any capacity.
  7. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I really didnt get all the conversation from him because I was at the bank drive thru and told him to hold on a minute and gave the phone to my youngest son for him to talk - my difficult child had tohang up before i got back to him and he hasnt called back - all I know is that he was calling from the mental health department at the jail - he is not out - he seemed glad they were giving him a plea bargain - he said something about probation - also something about the lady was trying to call a place in NC to see if they take clients who take medicine - who knows - I just know he cant come home - I wanted to make that clear to all the powers that be - he needs to go somewhere - I have already told him - it seems that those people would understand that -
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    YOU are the "power that be!" Make it happen.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why would he need to take medication anywhere he would go? He isnt seen by a psychiatrist to be on a mood stabilizer or a SSRI is he? The only medication I have ever heard you talk about is xanax and that is something he definitely shouldnt be on and I can tell you first hand that if he comes to NC, no doctor will give it to him here. Especially no psychiatrist associated with Mental Health. I have absolutely no substance abuse issues or history and was on klonopin for several years successfully with a private psychiatrist and when I had to switch to Mental Health they refused to renew my klonopin rx and switched me to Visteril.

    Now the only place I can think of that they could be thinking of is a place that does Independent Living up in the mountains. Or...there is this place that takes in homeless people and addicts in Durham. That could well be it. In fact, that wouldnt surprise me in the least if it was the place.
  10. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I have no idea. He sees a psychiatrist here that prescribes hiim Xanax and Paxil - I dont even know the diagnosis except generalized anxiety - however he really just goes to get the Xanax. I am not having anything else to do with that - I told his psychiatrist where he was - this is the second time I have had to do that - I told difficult child to write his doctor a letter - anyway I wouldnt be surprised if the doctor refused to see him anymore - I agree - Xanax like pot just gets the ball rolling - he doesnt need it - the mental health lady at the jail knows it too - they have switched him to Visterial before also - he says it doesnt work as good!
    He was also on klonopin and overdosed and his friends took him to the emergency room - he got it off the street and when he conned the doctors into giving it to him -
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Vistaril sometimes is used by doctors to calm the shakes from coming off alcohol. It can be used for mild anxiety. I've seen Xanax in combination with alcohol and believe me - it was not pretty. You aren't supposed to take those medications with alcohol.

    Do you think he has a handle on his sobriety yet? IF he's not being truthful with a doctor about that much then he's using the doctors to get "enhancement" for his alcoholism. That is just plain bad.

    I'm very happy to see the statements you are making Susan. It's certainly NOT the same person we saw when you came to the board and THAT is something!

    It's a very hard fight to allow ourselves the privledge of letting our kids fall and pick themselves up instead of us doing it for them.

    Maybe you could work on yourself - and allow the mental health worker to do the job she's paid for and find him a placement? It sounds very much like they are trying to help him. Just don't let him drag you into his drama in any way.

    Keep saying things like:
    Son I'm glad to see you're finally starting to do things for yourself.
    Son it's your life, and your future, I'm not going to be around forever to make decisions for you - time you start doing that yourself.

    Things like that - you aren't playing into his manipulation and at this point he is BOUND to be weak - he still thinks he can do drugs, drink and maintain his life. WE know he can't - but HE has to find that out for himself.

    Keep telling yourself - I'm not going to be there forever so he needs to do this on his own NOW at 24, as a Mother I MUST allow him to do things for himself.

    It's the best job you can do as his Mom - at this point.

  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Susan, I think these posts about your son's drug abuse belong on the substance abuse forum.

    That's a private psychiatrist who should be reported to the DEA for prescribing to an addict. Not a prison psychiatrist. Please re-read what the others told you about who can prescribe for a prisoner.

    His private psychiatrist can't prescribe in prison, you should stop wasting your time.

    Isn't your son 24 years old? Does the psychiatrist even talk to you?

    If he has half a brain he won't see him. The guards read his letters, and if he is writing to a psychiatrist asking for drugs, it will be all the psychiatrist can do to keep his license if he so much as answers. If he's smart, he'll send them back to the prison reporting your son as drug seeking.

    No, he doesn't need it. He should never take it or anything like it again. Lots of people have anxiety and are addicted to anxiety medications and have to learn to deal with the anxiety without the medications. That's what your difficult child has to do. People have pain and become addicted to pain medications and have to learn to deal with the pain without the medications. Otherwise they're just junkies with an excuse. And junkies always have an excuse. There are other ways to deal with it. Of course he doesn't like Visterial. It's not xanax.

    Where's your positive post that has nothing to do with worrying?
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My positive post - I am working on in watercooler!! Yes absolutely right about Xanax. I have told many doctors not to prescribe him that - called them and told them what he did with it and they discontinued his treatment. He milked them for all they were worth. Yes - Star - I have seen Xanax mixed with alcohol also and probably called the police! It was horrible - I dont want to see it again. Enough about this - I just hope they are trying to find him a placement and I just hope it is out of the city - I dont want to go around any more blocks of he has no where to live but on the street - he is not coming home - cant they see that is what he needs - I know jail is to punish lawbreakers but every one in a while cant they see that some people are sick even though they know right from wrong - I am tired of talking about it - will go to Watercooler!
  14. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Susan, good for you for working on a post for Watercooler! It's a great distraction.

    Witz has a good idea about your questions about drug use/abuse. I know you answer posts in the Teens and SA forum- you might want to ask some of your drug-related questions over there to see what warrior parents over there suggest.

    In the meantime, go post a funny.

  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Whatever may happen in NC, it's not around the corner, that's for sure!
  16. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I had to post again so no one would think I was gone! Alanon tonight was kinda sad - in that there was a newcomer who had lost a son to drugs years ago. Anyway some of the members said that even when they are sober they still have the same personalities - I just want the son I had back - the one I lost - I miss him - he was never perfect neither were the rest of us but I dont want to have to miss him forever - I know it is up to him - but sometimes I just think I need to help him so he can be the son I remember - I dont want to lose him - sometimes it may seem that way to someone who doesnt understand that when you do tough love it doesnt mean you just dont care - it means you care so much that you would do just about anything you could for them - tough love is hard - it is just that - love at its greatest.
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You can't make him come back. You just can't. In fact, the more you enable him, the less chance you'll have that he'll quit because he'll have a safe place to come home to when he's high as a kite. You have to accept that you can not help him--he's a drug addict. It was very hard for me to accept this about my daughter--she had been a very sweet child, loving yet sensitive, but she didn't come back to me until she decided to quit on her own. Tough Love does mean you care, but in my opinion it is also for YOU. YOU need to enjoy your life, regardless of what your son does. There is still an important person inside of you who deserves to feel at peace. I would keep going to Al-Anon. ANY of our drug abusing kids can die. My daughter has told me how lucky she is to be alive, considering all the stuff she did. I could have lost her and she has said plainly that there was nothing I could have done to have saved her while she was in her destructive mode. Hopefully, your son will decide he's had enough of being high and sick and alienated and do the very difficult job of getting clean. But you can't push him along. This is 100% out of your control. He's 24 now, and there is nothing you can do except make him worse by enabling him.
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Actually, we were all waiting for you to post something that had nothing to do with your difficult child on the Watercooler. :) Still praying for you!
  19. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    - I know it is up to him - but sometimes I just think I need to help him so he can be the son I remember - I dont want to lose him - sometimes it may seem that way to someone who doesnt understand that when you do tough love it doesnt mean you just dont care - it means you care so much that you would do just about anything you could for them - tough love is hard - it is just that - love at its greatest.[/QUOTE]

    until you accept that you can't help him you will be caught up in his life. It is when you accept that you cannot help him that you will be able to live your own life and be available in a real way to the rest of your family.

    As MWM says, tough love is actually for you. Setting boundaries and not enabling a person is something you do for yourself and the secondary benefit is that it actually helps the other person too.

    Good luck,
  20. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    OK thanks friends. I am signing off for a while about this. I promise. I will let you know what develops. I will show up on the watercooler when I think of something.(smile)
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