First of all, unless it is an emergency where his life is threatened, I do not think they can legally medicate him with-o your approval. Not just your knowing, your actual consent. You have the right to know what they are doing and what the medication is, what side effects are, what alternatives (and pros/cons of those) are, and why they think htis is needed.
If the school says he cannot come to school with-o taking medication then the school MUST PAY for the doctor AND the medication. It is a federal law and NOT one they can "sneak" past by just not telling you it is their job to pay if they insist. I would think that that includes if they call and have him put inpatient and medicated before he comes back to school.
It is a MAJOR reason that teachers are NOT supposed to tell you your kid has a specific disorder or needs a specific medication or even medication in general - they are NOT doctors and cannot demand this legally (some do it anyway until a parent wises up and sues them - but you need PROOF that they say this/demand it). I don't think that, so far, they are demanding medications for him. I do think that this may be coming.
As for calling the cops, I don't think for elem school kids it is a good strategy. As a difficult child's parent I know there are times when a child is totally out of control and the school needs help. I also know it can happen with-o anyone knowing what happened to trigger it. I FIRMLY believe that htis is NOT the case AT ALL in most situations. In most of the situations it is a school or staff member who provokes the child and ignores what parents have tried to suggest to manage the behaviors in a reasonable and rational way rather than expecting every child to behave as demanded in our schools.
At some point in puberty a child becomes as strong/big or even more of either of those things than the adults in his life. Many adults are threatened by this and react like bullies. Doesn't matter their role in a child's life (or adult's life), this behavior never results in anything good. We had a teacher who got together with the other teachers to convince my 7yo that he was stupid because he missed spelling errors on letters and notes home written BY THESE SAME TEACHERS. They also took his recess away for this and belittled him in front of the other kids. Then they couldn't understand why he acted out!! Gee, hmm, I wonder. While this is extreme, many adults do it in more subtle ways. Spectrum kids don't respond well to demands to do anything "right now" and teachers often do this as a matter of routine and "classroom control". I have a feeling your school has no interest in your child's opinion or viewpoint. Or yours. Sad, but not uncommon. Also a great way to get Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/spectrum kids to act out/rage if you want them to.
Do you feel your son is safe in this school? Not the answer in your head. What is that niggling little voice you try to ignore because no one outside of your family ever agrees with it? If you feel he is at risk of being arrested because his disabilities and the behaviors that result from them, is he truly safe? If the answer is no, then please do what you can to find a better placement for him. I NEVER trust a school, daycare, hospital, etc... that doesn't want me there. We have ONE school in our district that is this way. They are on the "rich" side of town and every child in our district goes to middle school there. From 6 elementaries they go to 1 middle school and they do NOT want parents in the building. EVER. Unless you are on the PTA and NEVER use your voice to do anything but praise them. I am NOT exaggerating this. They wouldn't let me talk to teachers when my son attended - not even his sp ed teacher. Then they over=rode the things I didn't give consent for and he wound up in a psychiatric hospital for 4 months. In a major way they contributed to his severe problems and then worked to cover this up. The teacher even changed his IEP and forged my signature. It is very telling that at least 30% of the current teachers at that school have their own kids in the one private school in town or they homeschool or do online school to keep their kids away from this. The rate for private school/homeschooling in our district is roughly 6 % per the state board of ed where notification is sent.
As they won't let you in the building to observe, something is going on that parents are not supposed to know about. If you look at ANY list of criteria for choosing a daycare, camp, school, etc... for a child one of the BIG red flags is only allowing parents to be there at specific times and not allowing them to drop in. I can see the disruption factor of parents dropping in willy nilly, but this is different. I once was able to see this school's lunchroom and WOW = the only adults in the room were the principal who was chatting up some student teacher and ignoring the students. He was sitting on a stage occasionally shouting into a microphone to "Shut the H Up you Mow-rons" (okie pronunciation for morons). Gee, this man was in "charge"?? When he noticed me he came and told me that I was NOT allowed to be there EVER and must leave HIS school immediately and if I had a problem then I could email him or call him and he would answer me when he "danm" well wanted to. This was just a few weeks before my son entered the psychiatric hospital, and by this point he was being given access to the internet under his teacher's ID and allowed to do whatever he wanted - which contributed greatly to him not knowing the difference between reality and fantasy at that time, per his docs.
Your school is probably NOT doing these things, or this blatantly. They very well may be provoking your child. The neuropsychologist was on who's payroll? It sounded like the school was paying him and I would demand a private evaluation by another neuropsychologist (ask on the sp ed forum to find out how to get the school to have to pay for htis as they must pay for a second opinion, I am pretty sure.) Also if he hasn't been privately evaluated this needs to happen. School may use their influence iwth the neuropsychologist and/or other staff evaluators/docs to justify their behavior.
Your son deserves a real education. period. And to be safe. From himself and from the school and other kids. It really sounds like another placement might be in his best interest. It is hard because our kids fear change and cannot imagine that any other place could be better (esp if this has been the school's treatment of him for some time). It is hard for US to see that a different placement might be great. I NEVER thought I would homeschool or have my child in a sp ed class all day. I have done both and both have been excellent. I have also had bad experiences. In our case it was the awesome sp ed teacher and her awesome aides that truly made my child able to attend school again - after the problems in 2nd grade we homeschooled for 2 yrs to save him from suicide (he tried seriously at age 7. twice.).
Have you spoken to an educational attorney about your son's legal rights? You may have to go out of your town to find one willing to help you - the school system is powerful and often tie up any attorneys in the area to create conflict of interest so parents do not have that resource (being the child of a teacher and married to the child of a principal and counselor can give you helpful knowledge). They will be able to tell you if there is any way to keep the school from sending your child to an inpatient facility and medicating him with-o your knowledge. Also make SURE the school has your number (only one and always make sure it is answered if it is the school, or return the call asap if you cannot answer it). If they have more than one number for you they will figure out the one that is at home and call it while you are at work rather than your cell. Or have your home phone and other numbers roll to your cell. If possible let them know the phone number for difficult child's doctor and let the doctor know that if the school contacts them that you want them to call you ASAP and to NOT treat difficult child until the doctor speaks to you unless it is life threatening. I would also ask the atty if what the advocate told you is true. Also look into the State Board of Ed's disability dept AND the state's civil rights dept. It really sounds like your son's civil rights are or are likely to be abused/removed. MWM contacted someone at state level who got her SD to sit up, pay attention and do the right thing. SHe would know the name of the dept she contacted, and it likely has a counterpart in your state. I have found that some advocates are not on the student's side the way they shoudl be, but instead tell parents that many things that violate the laws are actually okay so the parents don't take it any further. Don't be afraid to question what the advocate tells you. She may be right, but she may not be.
What have you told difficult child to do if this happens? He NEEDS to know that if the police are called then he is to ask for YOU and a LAWYER and NOT say anything until you and the lawyer are there. If a lawyer comes for the school and says they are there for him then they can be disbarred. No joke. You need to role play with your son how to act if he sees police so that he is able to protect himself. Let him know that if the school tries to get him to talk to the police with-o one that he is to be as quiet as he can and NOT believe them if they say you cannot come or you said it was okay. Inoculate him by role playing so that he is prepared as it sounds like they may be trying to make this happen. Meantime, get the private evaluations and see a lawyer. Call legal aid and the ACLU if you need to.
Sorry this is so long - I am appalled and horrified, esp by their abusive and provoking behavior toward him. It really sounds like they want him out of there or medicated so that they don't have to deal with him (hence the hospital being considered).
by the way, HOW do you knock over a computer monitor with-o damaging it? Have you EVER heard of that happening, esp with an upset kid involved? It just doesn't seem like a probable occurrence, esp if difficult child was upset and out of control. Makes me wonder what really happened, Know what I mean??
