I will start with thanking you for your patience and forbearance on this issue. Most of the time I do not think about my bro at all, which for me is HUGE. This came up because Jess brought it up and the next day he left a shirt on my doorstep for thank you with a request to give it back to him when thank you has outgrown it so that his daughter can wear it. I thought that was bad enough. Turns out that she has again been having nightmares about him. She grabbed a shirt to wear, one she loved the look of but has had severe nightmares waking in panic attacks each time she tries to wear it or thank you tries to wear it. It is tye die and he loved it (no pink or purple on it, lol) but it also gives him nightmares about gfgbro. THis saddens and angers me. Not just that he would behave in such an awful way, but that I let it go on for so long. I am working on that, believe me. My question is that my mother still asks if I am "still uncomfortable being around him" - the answer is not just yes but Hades YES. A large part of it isn't MY comfort. I could put that behind me and even when it gave me panic attacks I did so for years. IT is that it upsets my kids that much. The therapist thinks we need to tell her that if she brings him up again we won't see her again. I cannot go that far. Not cutting her totally off for discussing her son and fi her daughter is still "angry" with him. I really want my mom to understand that it isn't MY anger - it is my children's nightmares and panic attacks. The kids will NOT discuss it with her because she puts such pressure on them. Pressure in asking the same question six or eight times in very slightly different ways until the say what she wants or if I am there I end the discussion. I stop her after 2 times, but they cannot yet. I have given away everything he leaves on our doorstep and will continue to do so. Esp as his reaction to ANYTHING we have given to him and/or his daughter in the last five years is to berate us for dumping our "junk" on him - even if he said he wanted it the day before! So he gets nothing, not that shirt, not anything from us. I do leave gifts for his daughter at my mothers. I am NOT angry with her in any way. This has NOTHING to do with his daughter, but a LOT to do with my kids. Jess is upset/anxious enough over him that when she tried to eat a chocolate rabbit he left on the doorstep she had a panic attack. Of course the therapist is helping with this. I am seriously thinking of putting a sign outside that items left by those not welcome in the home will be thrown away with-o entering the home. I just don't know why I need a sign or daily reminder of that on my property. Esp as he won't pay attention and it has now been too long to get a restraining order according to the police. I can charge him with littering, but would have to catch him in the act, which would mean seeing him, which I won't do. I just HATE seeing my kids so upset. Esp by their Gma who asks THEM if I am still upset with him. HOW do I get through to her? I haven't seen her more than 4 times since last July when gfgbro was so awful and she told me to just forgive him finally and "get over it".