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Please help! Advice needed...have you gone through this issue?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 392712" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think we really need more info on him to help. Has he been evaluated? If not, I think it's time. Most of our kids are not One-Size-Fits-All. Without knowing what is wrong with him (from a professional, not the parent) it is hard to tell you what could work for him. I have a few questions that could help us immensely!</p><p></p><p>1/Are there any psychiatric or substance abuse issues on either side of his genetic family tree? This includes people he never sees because he still carries their genes and genes are potent stuff.</p><p></p><p>2/How was his early development? Did he talk, make good eye contact, like to cuddle, play appropriately with toys, transition well from one activity to another? What about now? Does he have a lot of friends? Does he know how to hold a give-and-take conversation? How does he do in school? Any "quirks?" Can he switch from one activity to another without fuss? Does he have any obsessive interests?</p><p></p><p>3/Tell us more about his living situation and past. Does he live in a two parent family? Has he had any abuse or trauma along the way? Anything you tell us will help. Is this the adopted child? Have you looked into reactive attachment disorder? If not, I strongly suggest it. Here's an article about it. You may want to Google it up for more intensive info.</p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><strong>Reactive Attachment Disorder</strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><strong> Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Signs, Symptoms & Causes </strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"> </span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"> Feb 26, 2007 Cindy Finnegan </span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"> <span style="color: #000000"> Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) children are often described as angry, lying, uncaring, and violent children. The signs and symptoms are as varied as the causes. </span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><span style="color: #000000"></span></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><strong>What is Reactive Attachment Disorder?</strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000">Reactive Attachment Disorder is a condition where individuals have difficulty forming loving, lasting intimate relationships. They do not trust anyone other than themselves to provide for their needs and safety. These individuals often fail to develop a conscience; do not feel empathy, and having genuine affection for people or pets is beyond their reach.</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><strong>Children with reactive attachment disorder can be divided into four categories:</strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><strong>The Ambivalent Children </strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are angry, defiant & can be violent.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Will push affection away to keep control</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are destructive both with their own belonging and others</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are extremely difficult children to parent because they sabotage or destroy almost everything positive that happens to them.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">When they want something, they act very affectionate.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Have few friends if any, although they will say they do, listing several acquaintances keep friends only for a short time</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Lack the ability to give and receive love</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Lack empathy for others often cruel to animals and other children.</li> </ul> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>The Anxious Children </strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Tend to be overly clingy, showing extreme separation anxiety when separated from their mothers.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Incessantly chatters to control conversation</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Appear to be eager to please and are superficially compliant.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are often passive aggressive, constantly doing little things wrong, but never doing anything really bad, but frazzling the parents patience and control.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Usually recover faster than those in the other categories</li> </ul> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>The Avoidance Children </strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are often overlooked as they are very compliant, agreeable & superficially engaging,</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Lack depth to their emotions & functions robotic like, not genuine or real in emotional engagement.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Dont enjoy being around others because they don't feel safe.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are Omnipotent believing that they can care for all their own needs by themselves, and do not need others, especially their mothers.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are sullen and openly oppositional, but mostly in a passive aggressive way.</li> </ul> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>The Disorganized Children </strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Have highly disorganized behaviour and a bizarre showing a variety of symptoms.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Hide anger deep inside, they are easier to deal with, harder to treat.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">May have atypical psychosis, bipolar disorder, and other neurological disorders.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Often will have mental illness in the family history.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are excessively excitable (other Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) children are usually moody.)</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Are most difficult to treat in therapy because they have so many different problems and often require medication and out-of-home care.</li> </ul> <p style="text-align: left"><strong>Other Signs & Symptoms</strong></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000">Signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder in infants may include: weak crying response, rage, constant whining, sensitivity to touch and cuddling, poor suckling response and eye contact, and no reciprocal smile response.</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000">Reactive Attachment Disorder Children may also have these symptoms: lack of conscience development, lack of eye contact except when lying, will not give or receive affection (hugs & kisses), no impulse control, abnormal eating patterns (gorging, hoarding, etc.), constantly making noise of some kind, pacing, and unusual speech patterns (mumbling, robotic, talking softly).</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"> </span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000">Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) can and has been misdiagnosed as Bipolar disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Anti-Social Personality Disorder and Conduct Disorder.</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"><strong>What Causes Reactive Attachment Disorder?</strong></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000">The bond between a child and mother/primary caregiver is essential during the first three years of life. Without this bonding the child will not have learned how to feel trust, love, compassion and empathy. These four survival skills are crucial to develop into a loving, caring child and adult. Fifty percent of our survival skills are learned during the first year, twenty-five percent during the second and the last twenty-five percent is learned from 3 years of age and on. Below is a list of circumstances that can prevent this necessary bond from forming.</span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #000000"></span></p> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Abandonment, abuse, neglect in the first three years of life</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Maternal alcohol/drug use</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Lack of attunement between mother and child</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Young, or inexperienced mother with poor parenting skills</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Maternal ambivalence toward pregnancy</li> </ul> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Multiple primary caregivers/ foster care system</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Institutionalized orphanage adoption</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Inconsistent/inadequate day care</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Separation from Birth Parents death, divorce</li> </ul></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 392712, member: 1550"] I think we really need more info on him to help. Has he been evaluated? If not, I think it's time. Most of our kids are not One-Size-Fits-All. Without knowing what is wrong with him (from a professional, not the parent) it is hard to tell you what could work for him. I have a few questions that could help us immensely! 1/Are there any psychiatric or substance abuse issues on either side of his genetic family tree? This includes people he never sees because he still carries their genes and genes are potent stuff. 2/How was his early development? Did he talk, make good eye contact, like to cuddle, play appropriately with toys, transition well from one activity to another? What about now? Does he have a lot of friends? Does he know how to hold a give-and-take conversation? How does he do in school? Any "quirks?" Can he switch from one activity to another without fuss? Does he have any obsessive interests? 3/Tell us more about his living situation and past. Does he live in a two parent family? Has he had any abuse or trauma along the way? Anything you tell us will help. Is this the adopted child? Have you looked into reactive attachment disorder? If not, I strongly suggest it. Here's an article about it. You may want to Google it up for more intensive info. [LEFT][COLOR=#000000][B]Reactive Attachment Disorder[/B] [B] Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Signs, Symptoms & Causes [/B] Feb 26, 2007 Cindy Finnegan [COLOR=#000000] Reactive Attachment Disorder (Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)) children are often described as angry, lying, uncaring, and violent children. The signs and symptoms are as varied as the causes. [/COLOR] [B]What is Reactive Attachment Disorder?[/B] Reactive Attachment Disorder is a condition where individuals have difficulty forming loving, lasting intimate relationships. They do not trust anyone other than themselves to provide for their needs and safety. These individuals often fail to develop a conscience; do not feel empathy, and having genuine affection for people or pets is beyond their reach. [B]Children with reactive attachment disorder can be divided into four categories:[/B] [B]The Ambivalent Children [/B] [/COLOR][/LEFT] [LIST] [*]Are angry, defiant & can be violent. [*]Will push affection away to keep control [*]Are destructive both with their own belonging and others [*]Are extremely difficult children to parent because they sabotage or destroy almost everything positive that happens to them. [*]When they want something, they act very affectionate. [*]Have few friends if any, although they will say they do, listing several acquaintances keep friends only for a short time [*]Lack the ability to give and receive love [*]Lack empathy for others often cruel to animals and other children. [/LIST] [LEFT][B]The Anxious Children [/B] [COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/LEFT] [LIST] [*]Tend to be overly clingy, showing extreme separation anxiety when separated from their mothers. [*]Incessantly chatters to control conversation [*]Appear to be eager to please and are superficially compliant. [*]Are often passive aggressive, constantly doing little things wrong, but never doing anything really bad, but frazzling the parents patience and control. [*]Usually recover faster than those in the other categories [/LIST] [LEFT][B]The Avoidance Children [/B] [COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/LEFT] [LIST] [*]Are often overlooked as they are very compliant, agreeable & superficially engaging, [*]Lack depth to their emotions & functions robotic like, not genuine or real in emotional engagement. [*]Dont enjoy being around others because they don't feel safe. [*]Are Omnipotent believing that they can care for all their own needs by themselves, and do not need others, especially their mothers. [*]Are sullen and openly oppositional, but mostly in a passive aggressive way. [/LIST] [LEFT][B]The Disorganized Children [/B] [COLOR=#000000][/COLOR][/LEFT] [LIST] [*]Have highly disorganized behaviour and a bizarre showing a variety of symptoms. [*]Hide anger deep inside, they are easier to deal with, harder to treat. [*]May have atypical psychosis, bipolar disorder, and other neurological disorders. [*]Often will have mental illness in the family history. [*]Are excessively excitable (other Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) children are usually moody.) [*]Are most difficult to treat in therapy because they have so many different problems and often require medication and out-of-home care. [/LIST] [LEFT][B]Other Signs & Symptoms[/B] [COLOR=#000000]Signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder in infants may include: weak crying response, rage, constant whining, sensitivity to touch and cuddling, poor suckling response and eye contact, and no reciprocal smile response. Reactive Attachment Disorder Children may also have these symptoms: lack of conscience development, lack of eye contact except when lying, will not give or receive affection (hugs & kisses), no impulse control, abnormal eating patterns (gorging, hoarding, etc.), constantly making noise of some kind, pacing, and unusual speech patterns (mumbling, robotic, talking softly). Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) can and has been misdiagnosed as Bipolar disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Anti-Social Personality Disorder and Conduct Disorder. [B]What Causes Reactive Attachment Disorder?[/B] The bond between a child and mother/primary caregiver is essential during the first three years of life. Without this bonding the child will not have learned how to feel trust, love, compassion and empathy. These four survival skills are crucial to develop into a loving, caring child and adult. Fifty percent of our survival skills are learned during the first year, twenty-five percent during the second and the last twenty-five percent is learned from 3 years of age and on. Below is a list of circumstances that can prevent this necessary bond from forming. [/COLOR][/LEFT] [LIST] [*]Abandonment, abuse, neglect in the first three years of life [*]Maternal alcohol/drug use [*]Lack of attunement between mother and child [*]Young, or inexperienced mother with poor parenting skills [*]Maternal ambivalence toward pregnancy [/LIST] [LIST] [*]Multiple primary caregivers/ foster care system [*]Institutionalized orphanage adoption [*]Inconsistent/inadequate day care [*]Separation from Birth Parents death, divorce [/LIST] [/QUOTE]
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