Please help. I am completely lost....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AshDowney, Jul 21, 2014.

  1. AshDowney

    AshDowney New Member

    I have no idea where to turn. I am a single mother(ish) husbands been deployed for close to a year. I have three children, 18m, 3years tomorrow and a 5 year old girl who turned 5 in june. Again, i dont know where to turn. My 5 year old is extremely hard to handle. She acts out... And when i say she acts out - she really does. Her personality is dark... I cant explain it. She is very manipulative. If i put her in time out she tells her brother (3) to go and hit me. When i tell her no, she figures out any means to make it happen. She is fixated on dogs. Absolutely obsessed. I have no clue ifshe is border line autistic - yes, I am getting her tested. I have read several parenting books and am just lost. Please tell me someone has had a similar situation.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. I don't want you to feel ignored.

    Can you give us a history of her early years (a funny question for a five year old). Did she have a normal infancy? Did she lose any primary caregivers early on or was she exposed to lots of chaos? Is she adopted? Does she do dangerous things to her siblings and to animals? If so, I would seriously rehome the dogs...they aren't safe. What worries you so much? We can help more if we know more. Does she have any delays? Speech issues? Obsessions, such as mimicking cartoons she has watched and memorizing them verbatim? Does she like watching the same things over and over again? Does she know how to play with toys? Silly question again, but autistic kids often either ignore toys of don't play with them right...they take them apart...they lack an imagitnation of the normal sort...They can also often seem as if they are in their own world and then, at other times, seem completely with it and normal. Often they rock back and forth or kind of flap their arms or make odd throat noises or smack their lips.

    I raised a son successfully who is on the autism spectrum. He is 21 and doing great, but he got a ton of help isn't 100% like a typical twenty one year old. He was never mean. In fact, people seem to love him. But he was a handful before he got the appropriate interventions, however. Any psychiatric problems or autism in your family tree or his fathers? These things can be hereditary. Sorry for the inquisition...:)

    My first bit of advice is to take her to a neuropsychologist for a complete evaluation. They are really the prime of the diagnosticians. We are here to help :)
  3. AshDowney

    AshDowney New Member

    For her early years every milestone was spot on... Walking at 11 months, talking, her smiling was slightly delayed... She never really seemed to go crazy with smiling. Just figured that was her personality being a serious gal. I worked for her first 2.5 years. She was in a typical daycare setting. She isnt dangerous to dogs per-say... She gets emotional with anything involving dogs and especially her dog. Although yesterday i witnessed her trying to toss her over our gated back porch. I have no clue why she would even do this... She knows how to open the door. Although it is only a few feet down it made me very nervous and got me evaluating her mental state. She has extremely great traits dont get me wrong... She gets so worried when someone is hurt and always wants to help them. She doesnt mimic cartoons or anything like that. When she sees a dog she is in her own world. Tonight she saw one about 1/4 mile down the road and zoned me out and ran for that dog. I repetitively said no evelyn, stop. She ignored. I sprinted after her picked her up and she thrusted as if i was hurting her. Basically a 2 year old typical tantrum.

    I am so worried about getting her diagnosed. This really scares me. She is a mid june birthday and is set to start kindergarten this year. Shes been in a learning setting/school since 2.5. I think delaying her might be a good choice.

    Also, i just learned from my inlaws that their youngest son has aspbergers. I never knew this. He graduated valedictorian and is a star baseball and basketball player.

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hmmmmmmmm. I'd take her to a neuropsychologist anyway. If anything is wrong, the earlier you get help, the better the outcome so hoping the child outgrows the quirks can be risky. If it is nothing, nothing will show up.

    I'd still be careful of the dog. She may do dangerous things to it when you aren't around to see. Her fascination with dogs IS kind of autistic-like. Does she know how to interact appropriately with her same age peers when she is, say, out on the playground and not in a regulated setting? Does she ever get in other kids faces and make noises or talk too loud?

    Your fear is not good for your child. She is what she is and getting her early intervention is a very good thing and a very wonderful mother gets that help. Good luck!!!!
  5. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Welcome @AshDowney

    I'm no expert but from what I have read about the experiences of our community kids that act out do so out of a fear of being unable to tolerate shame, fear, vulnerability. When they act out they get us to feel those things and they don't have to. Of course it is not done consciously. Many have said their child's anger scares them but that is the only tool they have to convey their emotions. They bypass the think what I should do mode to this is how I feel and then they act it out.

    You are not the first parent to face these issues and you will not be the last. I suggest that you read through the posts in the following thread
  6. autinjohnson

    autinjohnson New Member

    Actually this is the general habit of Kids and it is very usual,When we are kids we use to do such stuffs.Try to spend time with them so that they can feel friendly and then slowly try to convince them.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Ash!
    I agree with runawaybunny about reading the Explosive Child. It didn't solve all of our problems with our difficult child but it did help. Glad you are having her tested. Stick around and you will find much support here!