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Please help, I desperately need some advice! V V Long!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 425325" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Hi and welcome Liz. </p><p>You could be describing my son at her age. He's now 23 and doing very well. When he was young everything was an issue! One of the things that helped us the most was early identification and intervention. We had a neuropsychologist. evaluation and a multidisiplinary team involved. We did use pretty strict and behavioral interventions-these worked for him. We also saw a counselor for years. Anything he wanted we made earnable. We set criteria that he <strong>could</strong> achieve and as his skills at being less oppositional developed, we made things more challenging for him to earn. It meant that we had to be pretty consistant, but I found this less draining than fighting with him. Two of my favorite reads were the <u>Tough Kid Tool Box</u>, by Bill Jensen and <u>The Difficult Child</u> by Tireki (spelling?). They are pretty old books now, but I still have found them hard to beat. My son was first diagnosed with ADHD and ODD at age 4. ( He was medicated by age 5) A year later we found that he had sensory integration issues. He still will only wear cotton shirts and shorts(even in the snow), but has learned to deal with his mechanic uniform. He also had vestibular disturbance-trouble coordinating left and right side-now this has played out in him being a fabulous drummer! He took a long time to get the training wheels off his bike-but he did do it! Still vomits if he goes on roller coasters however.</p><p> </p><p>Picking your battles is important, but I also think standing firm to rules is key. Once they see a hole in the rules, they will chip away at it. So pick some rules (only a few) you know you can stick to. Lay out the consequences and hold firm. If she loves the park-deside how she earns it and when she can collect that reward. Delay of gratification is tough at this age and double tough for our difficult children-so make it reasonable so she can see the" fruits of her labors" before she just gives up (lack of perseverence is another issue). By the way-almost none of this was needed with my daughter-she was well behaved until puberty when some abuse issues surfaced and PTSD reared it's ugly head. When we tried being firm and consistant and holding to rules-she got worse. So....every kid is different.</p><p> </p><p>You've gotten some good advise on the board. Getting that evaluation is the order of the day. It will help you and you'll have direction. Hang in there and take care of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 425325, member: 11001"] Hi and welcome Liz. You could be describing my son at her age. He's now 23 and doing very well. When he was young everything was an issue! One of the things that helped us the most was early identification and intervention. We had a neuropsychologist. evaluation and a multidisiplinary team involved. We did use pretty strict and behavioral interventions-these worked for him. We also saw a counselor for years. Anything he wanted we made earnable. We set criteria that he [B]could[/B] achieve and as his skills at being less oppositional developed, we made things more challenging for him to earn. It meant that we had to be pretty consistant, but I found this less draining than fighting with him. Two of my favorite reads were the [U]Tough Kid Tool Box[/U], by Bill Jensen and [U]The Difficult Child[/U] by Tireki (spelling?). They are pretty old books now, but I still have found them hard to beat. My son was first diagnosed with ADHD and ODD at age 4. ( He was medicated by age 5) A year later we found that he had sensory integration issues. He still will only wear cotton shirts and shorts(even in the snow), but has learned to deal with his mechanic uniform. He also had vestibular disturbance-trouble coordinating left and right side-now this has played out in him being a fabulous drummer! He took a long time to get the training wheels off his bike-but he did do it! Still vomits if he goes on roller coasters however. Picking your battles is important, but I also think standing firm to rules is key. Once they see a hole in the rules, they will chip away at it. So pick some rules (only a few) you know you can stick to. Lay out the consequences and hold firm. If she loves the park-deside how she earns it and when she can collect that reward. Delay of gratification is tough at this age and double tough for our difficult children-so make it reasonable so she can see the" fruits of her labors" before she just gives up (lack of perseverence is another issue). By the way-almost none of this was needed with my daughter-she was well behaved until puberty when some abuse issues surfaced and PTSD reared it's ugly head. When we tried being firm and consistant and holding to rules-she got worse. So....every kid is different. You've gotten some good advise on the board. Getting that evaluation is the order of the day. It will help you and you'll have direction. Hang in there and take care of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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