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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609212" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm not in a position to point fingers, but your stepdaughter is the one who has been exposed to many men when her mother prostituted herself and likely she was sexually abused, maybe often. While I know both of them need help...in my opinion your son is probably the victim here. No eight year old wants to have an ongoing sexual relationship, unless he too was abused by somebody and was acting out. And, unfortunately, we rarely find out the full extent of what the "experimenting" was until much later and much counseling so you really don't know what SD is capable of doing. And what your son did back to her. She probably has a lot of knowledge about sex.</p><p></p><p>This is serious. A one time "show me yours, I'll show you mine" is normal. Continuous sexually contact means there is a victim here. And I'm betting it's both of them...her for the sexual abuse she had and him because she got him to engage with her, if my theory is right. We had this happen with a foster child in our house. He was much older and so it went to court, but younger kids, closer in age, can also be victims. The courts will not become involved with two kids so young and so close to the same age (that's a BIG key). Still...now you need to keep your guard up.</p><p></p><p>If there are other children in the house, see if there has been anything going on with them too. Do not expect them to fess up the first time nor tell the whole truth as this sort of behavior makes kids feel ashamed. I would put an alarm on this stepdaughter's door so that if she leaves her room at night, it wakes you up and you can watch her, say, go to the bathroom and make sure she goes right back to her own room. Do not let her alone with your other kids. </p><p></p><p>Now, this was a judgment call and I know you were upset but I would never have gone to the school. All they can and have to do (mandatory reporters) is call CPS. I don't think you can avoid CPS here. Just be honest with them and willing to cooperate in every way and don't get defensive or angry. </p><p></p><p>I am not sure where this will go. I don't think CPS will say it's normal because it has been going on for so long. Not in the United States, anyway, if that is where you live. Just keep your cool, get both kids the best help you can (see my answer to your explanatory post) and don't take it lightly. Unfortunately, one or the other child may have to live somewhere else, but more likely you will have to put alarms on their doors, make sure they are never alone together, and keep up the therapy. CPS helped us A LOT when we turned in our teen who was molesting our younger kids. We got so many free services that really helped our younger kids.</p><p></p><p>CPS is not the boogy man all the time. Do not panic. Make fast, preventative decisions so that they can see you have already taken action. Make sure CPS is aware of how stepdaughter's life with bio. mom was so that they have a clear picture. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Now...you can't do anything about it right at the moment so try to be good to yourself. Take a scented bubble bath. Read a book. Listen to calming music. Watch your favorite movie. You will get through this. None of it is the fault of you or your husband. As an ex-foster mom, we have dealt with CPS many times...for some reasons, people like to call CPS on foster parents (shrug). I never did get used to them, but I learned not to freak out. Really, they were nice almost all the time...and offered help we could not afford too!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609212, member: 1550"] I'm not in a position to point fingers, but your stepdaughter is the one who has been exposed to many men when her mother prostituted herself and likely she was sexually abused, maybe often. While I know both of them need help...in my opinion your son is probably the victim here. No eight year old wants to have an ongoing sexual relationship, unless he too was abused by somebody and was acting out. And, unfortunately, we rarely find out the full extent of what the "experimenting" was until much later and much counseling so you really don't know what SD is capable of doing. And what your son did back to her. She probably has a lot of knowledge about sex. This is serious. A one time "show me yours, I'll show you mine" is normal. Continuous sexually contact means there is a victim here. And I'm betting it's both of them...her for the sexual abuse she had and him because she got him to engage with her, if my theory is right. We had this happen with a foster child in our house. He was much older and so it went to court, but younger kids, closer in age, can also be victims. The courts will not become involved with two kids so young and so close to the same age (that's a BIG key). Still...now you need to keep your guard up. If there are other children in the house, see if there has been anything going on with them too. Do not expect them to fess up the first time nor tell the whole truth as this sort of behavior makes kids feel ashamed. I would put an alarm on this stepdaughter's door so that if she leaves her room at night, it wakes you up and you can watch her, say, go to the bathroom and make sure she goes right back to her own room. Do not let her alone with your other kids. Now, this was a judgment call and I know you were upset but I would never have gone to the school. All they can and have to do (mandatory reporters) is call CPS. I don't think you can avoid CPS here. Just be honest with them and willing to cooperate in every way and don't get defensive or angry. I am not sure where this will go. I don't think CPS will say it's normal because it has been going on for so long. Not in the United States, anyway, if that is where you live. Just keep your cool, get both kids the best help you can (see my answer to your explanatory post) and don't take it lightly. Unfortunately, one or the other child may have to live somewhere else, but more likely you will have to put alarms on their doors, make sure they are never alone together, and keep up the therapy. CPS helped us A LOT when we turned in our teen who was molesting our younger kids. We got so many free services that really helped our younger kids. CPS is not the boogy man all the time. Do not panic. Make fast, preventative decisions so that they can see you have already taken action. Make sure CPS is aware of how stepdaughter's life with bio. mom was so that they have a clear picture. Hugs and I'm so sorry you are going through this. Now...you can't do anything about it right at the moment so try to be good to yourself. Take a scented bubble bath. Read a book. Listen to calming music. Watch your favorite movie. You will get through this. None of it is the fault of you or your husband. As an ex-foster mom, we have dealt with CPS many times...for some reasons, people like to call CPS on foster parents (shrug). I never did get used to them, but I learned not to freak out. Really, they were nice almost all the time...and offered help we could not afford too! [/QUOTE]
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