Please help. Picture of difficult child down UPDATE

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bby31288, Mar 20, 2007.

  1. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Please help. I am besides myself. easy child just called from high school. There is a cell phone picture of difficult child's privates that a boy she liked asked her to take and send, going around the high school. difficult child is in middle school and the picture is going around there also. Please help. I don't know what to do.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sending gentle hugs. Did your easy child take the picture? I'm a little confused...
  3. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    No difficult child took the picture and sent it to a boy. easy child called because someone in the high school showed her the picture and said it was difficult child....easy child told them, have you ever seen a (sorry for the word) vee jay? they all look alike, and that isn't my sister. But difficult child really took the picture and sent it. please help. I don't know what to do to stop it...
  4. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I'm so sorry your difficult child had this extreme lapse in judgement, I'm sure she didn't realize the consequences of what she did. She thought she could trust the guy she sent it to, who turned out to be a typical teen boy and spread it around. This is a very hard lesson for her to learn, and I so hope it doesn't get harder. I've been trying to think of something to help, but I'm at a loss as well. If there are no identifying features like face, birthmarks etc., continuing denying as your easy child did. However, this is the real danger of internet and cell pics etc., once it's out there it's almost impossible to get rid of. The only thought I had is contacting the cell company and/or police to see if they have any way of tracing and deleting the picture, since in essence it is child porn as your difficult child is only 13.

    Sorry this has happened. :crying:
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My thought was to contact school, the cell phone company & possibly law enforcement.

    I do know that many cell services have the option of shutting down the camera phone option of a cell phone, along with internet access - which would be my next move. Make difficult children phone just a phone.

    I have little else to offer - sorry. I've never been in this type of situation. Yup, think I'll stick with the firefly phone for kt.
  6. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Sorry you're going thru this. I don't know what to do. If easy child saw the pix on someone elses phone, then that means it's spreading. I don't know how to stop that. If there's a good side to this, at least her face wasn't in it. So easy child is right. How does anyone know it's really her. One thing you could do, now that I think of it, is to call the school. There has to be some rule against this. Maybe harrassment, or something. I'd let them know that a rumor is going around regarding this pix. I would not tell them that you think difficult child took the picture. I'd act dumb on that point. I hope this goes away fast for you.
  7. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    Chelle, good point. Just read your post, and I didn't think of the porn aspect.
  8. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Spoke with her Dr. We had appointment for April 30. going to move it up to next week. She will help me pick out a psychiatrist. Right now we see a developmental pediatrician. I will know more when difficult child gets home from school and we talk. I will be blocking all pix and text messaging from her phone. If there is a way to block numbers I will block all except for mine, husband, sisters, etc. I would take the phone, but "I" need to be able to reach her. It is part of my anxiety with my kids. I need to know they are okay. I also contacted school. waiting for a call. We will continue to deny, deny...
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Call the phone company and ask about how to block the messages. Then ask about call blocking. I was at first told I couldnt block text messages but finally got a really nice lady who told me how to block them using my phones features by removing the number in the phone that it calls. Works like a charm. Cant send a message if it cant call a number to send it.

    I dont know if you can call of my phones could, my current one cant. You may be able to get one of the firefly phones. Those are programmable.
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I don't have any advice regarding the picture. I wouldn't be surprised if she got suspended along with anyone else who is involved in this.

    You may need to get her a different cell phone. There are phones that will only accept certain numbers and allow her to call only those numbers. There are also new phones that will text your phone if her phone goes out of the allowed areas, such as school, summer camp etc. I was just researching phones recently, so that is how I came to find this out. Not sure if they have picture capabilities or not, but you can disable text/email on her phone, I think. An old analog phone may be the way to go, too.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you can find a way to stop the picture from going around. You may have to track down everyone that sent it and ask them to delete it. Perhaps the school canbe of some help.

    Hopefully your daughter learned a very tough lesson. Sadly it will probably follow her for years, it did my daughter.

    This is the same age that I started having issues with my difficult child taking pictures of herself and putting some of them on myspace. The obscene ones she just left on the camera and of course I deleted them, took the camera away and did not let her have a camera cell phone. The suggestive ones I told her to delete from her myspace in front of me or I would have her account deleted. I subsequently did have to delete her myspace after that for other reasons.

    I would not want to go back to that age, 12-15, for all the money in the world.

  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    If she MUST have a cell phone, I would suggest going to the host company and asking that the photo be tracked and 'recalled' and deleted. There is a chance it can be done, I have heard that it was done with a local girl who did something similar.

    Also, on her service plan, you usually can disable the text, email, & internet features. We did on both daughter's cells and we have two different companies - Verizon and Cingular - and it worked fine.

    Another option is to take away the cell altogether. OR, change the number and get her a very basic cell phone without a camera or texting/internet abilities.

    *Just wanted to add that while it may be helpful if you contacted the school guidance office, I wouldn't expect them to be helpful. In fact, I can very well see this backfiring on you and difficult child. Tread carefully.

    Meanwhile, denying is fine if it saves you and your easy child embarrassment. However, I really think that difficult child needs to own up to her irresponsible, disrespectful behaviors and see the wrong in it so she can stop it in the future. Also, I would think about having a word with the nice young lad who suggested difficult child send a picture of her privates to him - what the heck??

    Best of luck - your difficult child sounds so much like mine. This is something I wouldn't be surprised about in my difficult child's case. Ugh, I know how you feel, gentle hugs.
  13. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    difficult child wants a boyfriend so bad. She liked this boy for along time. He told her, if you like me you will send me the picture. husband and I are going to his house tonight, but difficult child is begging us not to. What should I do. I want his parents to know, that yeah, my kid is stupid by yours is worse. I can't move, no where to go, but it would be a good idea. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.
  14. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am so sorry that some jerk manipulated her into doing something so impulsive. I would visit the boy's parents and "mention" child porn to them. I would also find an old phone without a camera or text message service---although you know our difficult children, if they want to do it, they will find a way. I can imagine the pain you are in. When my pcdaughter was 14--going through her "growing" pains, she made some really dumb choice when it came to boys. It has taken three years and a lot of work on her part, but she has completely changed her reputation in town. All is not lost, but prepare for the fall-out---it will last a while for everyone in the family, unfortunately.
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would not go to the boy's house - that would be admitting that it truly is her in the picture.

    Get her to deny it always and get her into counseling - this could take years to be able to accept in her head what she has done. She probably has not even felt half of the pain yet. Poor thing.
  16. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh dear! This is a horrible predicament. I vote against going to the parents. Deny, deny, deny. I agree that talking with them about their scummy son will only confirm the photo being authentic. One time on the net and there will be almost no way of stopping it from being passed around.

    Poor difficult child and your family, including easy child.

    I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. How very devastating.
  17. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    I know with the cell service that I have I can block any text or web service. I had to do this when my difficult child had a phone on my plan. You will still be able to take pics but will have no way of sending them at all. Hopefully your difficult child has learned from this but in the mean time can just deny that it was her and it will eventually blow over. If you feel that she has to have a phone just get her one without a camera but know that you always have the option to block web access and texting.
  18. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I know our school district does not allow any camera phones. they will be taken away if caught. Don't see that enforced to often. maybe a call to the school would help. Have them on the lookout for phones. That may help a little in school.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh! I came in late on this thread. So sorry.
    Did you go to the boy's house?
    How's it going?
  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Outside of denying it at school, which I totally understand, when does this difficult child have to take responsibility for her actions?
    Going to the boy's house can be seen as admitting guilt, but so what? Both the difficult child and the boy ARE guilty. His request was inappropriate and she is impulsive and misguided - where is the harm in using this as a learning experience?

    I think contacting the school and putting them on notice that this happened is a step to help the school crackdown on cell phone usage in school.

    A parent to parent meeting with the boy's parent's is another step - no need for the kids to be present at all. The meeting isn't to get the kid in trouble or claim or disclaim whether or not the picture is truly difficult child's privates - it's to let the parents know their son's inappropriate request so that they may discuss it with him. Ugh.

    difficult child and easy child denying it at school is all well and fine, but the bottom line is that eventually this 'scandal' will die down and there will be a new 'scandal' at school and everyone will forget about this. The less said, the better. I would isntruct easy child and difficult child to not even entertain any further questions in this regard. Yes, just walk away and/or make a simple comment of "never happened" and say no more about it. Each week there is a new scandal - trust me.

    At home: either take away the cell or replace it with one that has gives less options and takes away the ability to text/internet and camera! I think your daughter needs to write a paper of sorts on self respect as well. How else will this incident have an impact on her if everyone is denying it and trying to handle damage control? You know what? She did a stupid, irresponsible, impulsive thing and needs to own it and then pick up the pieces and change her future behavior. Giving her an "out", in my opinion, is not the way to go - I would not be making it so easy for her.

    Best of luck~