I remember feeling afraid and scared to say just about anything to my son when he was "doing better". I thought one wrong move or word from me would shatter what I thought was a very fragile person.
This is the same person who walked to work three miles at 2 a.m. this fall, from a homeless bench wrapped in a blanket, to work 8 hours. He did this for two months before we helped him get an apartment.
I say this because in many cases, our fear holds us hostage. And then, soon, they realize it, and start using it to manipulate us.
I would consider something like this approach: Have a talk with him. If he won't answer, you talk. Tell him you are glad he is home and you know he's had a tough time. You also know that lying on the couch isn't a long-term solution. Tell him you'd like him to start establishing a routine that includes a little couch time, but not a lot.
See if he will talk about what he wants to do. If not, if he's being difficult, say your piece, keep it short, and tell him you want to hear from him about what you've said sometime later the same day. If he has other ideas, now's the time to bring them up.
If you get nowhere, with trying a dialogue approach, which is a respectful way to allow him to have a say in things, and I would say that is what I'd like to do, then you can prescribe some dates/times that he will need to take action to apply for jobs, go to the gym, do some chores (make a list) and generally, rejoin the world.
I have had situational depression at times. It feels awful. But I can still talk and engage. Like MWM said, just lying on the couch perpetuates the problem.
I would offer the respectful approach first, and have some patience with his response or lack thereof. If he is difficult, tell him he's being difficult and that won't work.
Being honest and firm but kind is the best approach, in my humble opinion. You are the only one who knows the limits here, but these are some ideas to free you from having to tiptoe around.
Keep us posted. We're here for you.
