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Please help with advice for despondent college age son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650144" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>COM, situational depression, which I've had, is not as horrific as clinical depression coming from wrong brain wiring. I had times I couldn't work, BUT I would not let son just lay around. That WILL make him worse, regardless of what kind of depression he has. And not taking medications should be a DEALBREAKER as far as living at home. Clinical depression is a medical condition and will not go away on it's own and he sounds very severe. Therapy to augment the medications should also, in my opinion, be mandatory; no excuses and I recommend either dialectal behavioral therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. Both have been PROVEN to help depression. The other types have not, in fact, some therapists just let you bawl and bawl and talk about "woe is me" and I always wondered how that could help. For me, that sort of talk therapy did nothing. Waste of money.</p><p></p><p>I would also have him totally tested by a neuropsychologist, who tests more intensively than even a psychiatrist, and will check for Aspergers as mood disorders and neurological differences very often go hand in hand. I do have some neurological differences and they also needed treatment and I at least needed to understand why I was different. And, yes, understanding helped. If your son is bright, and he is, understanding can help him A.LOT. I was determined to have many aspie traits but nobody will pin me with aspergers. Still I have a severe non-verbal learning disability, which is a lot like aspergers, face blindness and other soft neurological differences from others. The more I understand myself, the more I forgive and accept myself.</p><p></p><p>You son is obviously wired a little differently and also is cursed with depression, but that does not mean he can't live a good life. He does need to do what he is told and to listen carefully and you need to not feel sorry for him. If you feel sorry for him, he will feel sorry for himself and let you take care of him as if he is totally disabled...and you don't want that. You have to let him do things himself and sleeping on the couch all day should be prohibited. Again, if he were in a psychiatric hospital they MAKE you get out of bed an d be with the other patients. I know. I was in a psychiatric hospitals three times. You also MUST participate with thearpy groups and eat at a table with the others. The experts know that lying around is harmful. Don't allow him to do it. Encourage him without enabling him...tricky, but that's what they do in hospitals and he is headed for one if he can't get his life together.</p><p></p><p>Big hugs. I do understand and I do know it takes much effort on the patient's part. You need to also refrain from being "mommy." No twenty year old benefits from a mommy. Adults need to solve their own problems, even mental health issues and neurological differences. A cheerleader is fine. Not a caretaker.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650144, member: 1550"] COM, situational depression, which I've had, is not as horrific as clinical depression coming from wrong brain wiring. I had times I couldn't work, BUT I would not let son just lay around. That WILL make him worse, regardless of what kind of depression he has. And not taking medications should be a DEALBREAKER as far as living at home. Clinical depression is a medical condition and will not go away on it's own and he sounds very severe. Therapy to augment the medications should also, in my opinion, be mandatory; no excuses and I recommend either dialectal behavioral therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. Both have been PROVEN to help depression. The other types have not, in fact, some therapists just let you bawl and bawl and talk about "woe is me" and I always wondered how that could help. For me, that sort of talk therapy did nothing. Waste of money. I would also have him totally tested by a neuropsychologist, who tests more intensively than even a psychiatrist, and will check for Aspergers as mood disorders and neurological differences very often go hand in hand. I do have some neurological differences and they also needed treatment and I at least needed to understand why I was different. And, yes, understanding helped. If your son is bright, and he is, understanding can help him A.LOT. I was determined to have many aspie traits but nobody will pin me with aspergers. Still I have a severe non-verbal learning disability, which is a lot like aspergers, face blindness and other soft neurological differences from others. The more I understand myself, the more I forgive and accept myself. You son is obviously wired a little differently and also is cursed with depression, but that does not mean he can't live a good life. He does need to do what he is told and to listen carefully and you need to not feel sorry for him. If you feel sorry for him, he will feel sorry for himself and let you take care of him as if he is totally disabled...and you don't want that. You have to let him do things himself and sleeping on the couch all day should be prohibited. Again, if he were in a psychiatric hospital they MAKE you get out of bed an d be with the other patients. I know. I was in a psychiatric hospitals three times. You also MUST participate with thearpy groups and eat at a table with the others. The experts know that lying around is harmful. Don't allow him to do it. Encourage him without enabling him...tricky, but that's what they do in hospitals and he is headed for one if he can't get his life together. Big hugs. I do understand and I do know it takes much effort on the patient's part. You need to also refrain from being "mommy." No twenty year old benefits from a mommy. Adults need to solve their own problems, even mental health issues and neurological differences. A cheerleader is fine. Not a caretaker. [/QUOTE]
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