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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 207233" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome ME <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>At the age of 18 your hands are now tied. It is completely on your sons shoulders to succeed or fail. He's an adult. The decisions are now his to make. It stinks, but that's the way it is.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, I think your husband has the right attitude. Natural conscequences can be a powerful motivator to improve one's life/attitude ect. Much more powerful than we are.</p><p> </p><p>My daughter Nichole is in college. I don't ask what her grades are. If she passes or fails it's all on her. No skin off my nose. Her first year was rocky. College was a shock. Professors don't treat you like hs kids. It's all up to you to do the work/studying. Sounds like your son is getting a healthy dose of the real world. And as much as we as parents would like to protect them from the harshness, we do them a disservice when we do. Nichole knows she has to keep passing grades or get a full time job and pay rent. But paying rent is limited as she would be transitioned out of the home fairly quickly. I don't mind helping, but you'd better be doing something to be actively helping yourself before I'm going to bother.</p><p> </p><p>It hurts to watch them choosing the hard way over and over, most especially when they just don't seem to "get it".</p><p> </p><p>Your son is 18. He is an adult. You need to start thinking of him in those terms instead of just being your child. It will help you to decide what behaviors you believe are tolerable and those that aren't. Then you might want to make a plan as to what you are going to do if such and such were to happen. Because it's a lot easier to make those tough decisions with a clear head than in the thick of things.</p><p> </p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 207233, member: 84"] Welcome ME :) At the age of 18 your hands are now tied. It is completely on your sons shoulders to succeed or fail. He's an adult. The decisions are now his to make. It stinks, but that's the way it is. Honestly, I think your husband has the right attitude. Natural conscequences can be a powerful motivator to improve one's life/attitude ect. Much more powerful than we are. My daughter Nichole is in college. I don't ask what her grades are. If she passes or fails it's all on her. No skin off my nose. Her first year was rocky. College was a shock. Professors don't treat you like hs kids. It's all up to you to do the work/studying. Sounds like your son is getting a healthy dose of the real world. And as much as we as parents would like to protect them from the harshness, we do them a disservice when we do. Nichole knows she has to keep passing grades or get a full time job and pay rent. But paying rent is limited as she would be transitioned out of the home fairly quickly. I don't mind helping, but you'd better be doing something to be actively helping yourself before I'm going to bother. It hurts to watch them choosing the hard way over and over, most especially when they just don't seem to "get it". Your son is 18. He is an adult. You need to start thinking of him in those terms instead of just being your child. It will help you to decide what behaviors you believe are tolerable and those that aren't. Then you might want to make a plan as to what you are going to do if such and such were to happen. Because it's a lot easier to make those tough decisions with a clear head than in the thick of things. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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