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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 213236" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Exhausted, </p><p> </p><p>Hi and welcome to the group. You don't have a thing to be sorry about in spelling, IM's or learning how to navigate the board. We're here to help, not to criticize or critique your written hand. (Have to laugh as there are a lot of us that hate spelling errors, and punctuation errors, and typos) - some of those posts are just in fun and allow us a moment to breathe and laugh at ourselves. I figure if I were perfect? I'd be walking on water and I'm pretty sure after living with a difficult child for so long I'd have mastered making water into wine quicker than anything - but, alas...I'm not perfect. </p><p> </p><p>If you want to use the spell check then it's on the top right above the smilies. Says ABC with a check below it. Just FYI. </p><p> </p><p>As to your son? I wish I could tell you some magic story that would change his behavior from bad to good. That's on him. And at age 18 - your support should be there, but finding that thin line between supportive suggestions and living their lives is very hard. It's especially hard when you feel that he got cheated in life to begin with, or had it rough or you feel like you "should have" done things differently. Removing the words I should have from your language and vocabulary will help you more than anything at this point. Should is a six letter word that isn't any different than doubt. You did what you did when you did it - BECAUSE? You FELT it was the BEST thing to do for your son. You certainly didn't sit around and think - Now what would be the worst thing I could do for him? Nope - you did your best. Allow yourself that credit - and move on from where you are now. </p><p> </p><p>He's 18 and despite having problems, lables, mental disorders...the system makes it impossible for us as parents to stick up for them. That's hard when you know physically they are about 18 and mentally they are around a 13 year old. My son had very bad things happen to him at age 4-5 and in some respects he's still 4-5 years old. Therapy has helped him - despite his incessant denials. We allowed him his "18" and said "well you are on your own now." and the first thing he said was "Can't wait to tell the psychiatrist to stick it." Okay fine - whatever. Two months later? He's back with a new therapist just to show us HE could get his OWN therapist - but the fact remains - we made him go - and now he seeks it out. A small victory. </p><p> </p><p>The thing that is the hardest now? Allowing him to fall hard. No job? No money - NO money - NO place to live, or go to jail for not paying fines - and he's already a convicted felon at 16 - so WHO is going to hire him? And yet we still hear him say "I'm not mopping any floors." and we say nothing - because he has to go to GED school during the day - so he has to take whatever job comes his way - and that's NOT being the DJ of his own company, OR rapping into MTV cribs fame, OR some of the other ideals he has had as a younger man. Reality bites...and if allowed to? It will take a HUGE bite out of our kids. </p><p> </p><p>You may suggest that he gets some therapy - and maybe on something to help stablize his moods. You can help him set his goals, and dreams and take him care packages....that sort of thing. Tough love is a really good book to remember to read....as are the detachment rules 101 posted here in the archives. </p><p> </p><p>Gald you found us - (yes I know glad is spelled wrong on purpose) lol </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 213236, member: 4964"] Exhausted, Hi and welcome to the group. You don't have a thing to be sorry about in spelling, IM's or learning how to navigate the board. We're here to help, not to criticize or critique your written hand. (Have to laugh as there are a lot of us that hate spelling errors, and punctuation errors, and typos) - some of those posts are just in fun and allow us a moment to breathe and laugh at ourselves. I figure if I were perfect? I'd be walking on water and I'm pretty sure after living with a difficult child for so long I'd have mastered making water into wine quicker than anything - but, alas...I'm not perfect. If you want to use the spell check then it's on the top right above the smilies. Says ABC with a check below it. Just FYI. As to your son? I wish I could tell you some magic story that would change his behavior from bad to good. That's on him. And at age 18 - your support should be there, but finding that thin line between supportive suggestions and living their lives is very hard. It's especially hard when you feel that he got cheated in life to begin with, or had it rough or you feel like you "should have" done things differently. Removing the words I should have from your language and vocabulary will help you more than anything at this point. Should is a six letter word that isn't any different than doubt. You did what you did when you did it - BECAUSE? You FELT it was the BEST thing to do for your son. You certainly didn't sit around and think - Now what would be the worst thing I could do for him? Nope - you did your best. Allow yourself that credit - and move on from where you are now. He's 18 and despite having problems, lables, mental disorders...the system makes it impossible for us as parents to stick up for them. That's hard when you know physically they are about 18 and mentally they are around a 13 year old. My son had very bad things happen to him at age 4-5 and in some respects he's still 4-5 years old. Therapy has helped him - despite his incessant denials. We allowed him his "18" and said "well you are on your own now." and the first thing he said was "Can't wait to tell the psychiatrist to stick it." Okay fine - whatever. Two months later? He's back with a new therapist just to show us HE could get his OWN therapist - but the fact remains - we made him go - and now he seeks it out. A small victory. The thing that is the hardest now? Allowing him to fall hard. No job? No money - NO money - NO place to live, or go to jail for not paying fines - and he's already a convicted felon at 16 - so WHO is going to hire him? And yet we still hear him say "I'm not mopping any floors." and we say nothing - because he has to go to GED school during the day - so he has to take whatever job comes his way - and that's NOT being the DJ of his own company, OR rapping into MTV cribs fame, OR some of the other ideals he has had as a younger man. Reality bites...and if allowed to? It will take a HUGE bite out of our kids. You may suggest that he gets some therapy - and maybe on something to help stablize his moods. You can help him set his goals, and dreams and take him care packages....that sort of thing. Tough love is a really good book to remember to read....as are the detachment rules 101 posted here in the archives. Gald you found us - (yes I know glad is spelled wrong on purpose) lol Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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