OK, welcome. Your DAUGHTER (hem hem, guys - READ the post! lol) sounds like a real handful. Something a lot of us have found, is that ODD is often diagnosed as something which seems to be a consequence of another underlying disorder and the problems this gives parents when it comes to finding effective ways to apply discipline. We disciline our kids according to how we were raised and what worked on us. And in our day, the more akidmisbehaved the tighter parents applied the controls. With a lot ofd kids, this works. But if the misbehaviour is the result of a kid who feels out of control with the world, confused and upset by everything else seeming to be confusing, upsetting and difficult to get a handle on - then the more we asparents openly micromanage, the more these kids will almost automatically kick against it in order to make it clear - THE KID wants to have control there too, in some aspect of her life. Rebellion is natural, if it becomes a competition for control. And the more difficult child a kid is, the more likely we will lose a battle of wills with them. Far better to teach them self-control and for them to see us as facilitators instead of the obstacle or the other end of the tug of war rope.
"The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene is a book which can help us as parents get a different method of discipline, one where the child stops seeing us as competitors for control.
For a sneak peek/preview of the book, go to Early Childhood and look at the stickies there, they are some good discussion on how to apply this book to younger children.
It's not a cure, it's a different way to manage and could help you find more productive ways to manage your child, and to see her in a different light. Every child is different, so take form the book what fits and leave what doesn't. It is something YOU can do, while you also work to get professional input as well.
There is not always an easy answer, with our kids. We'd like to beleive that doctors can diagnose Condition A and prescribe Pill B, which will make it all magically vanish and turn our child back into an angel. But it doesn't work like this. THis means that we have to fall back on our own capabilities and understanding as parents, learn to have confidence in our own observations and judgement and to work as part of the team to help our children.
Here on this site you will find a wealth of information from a wide range of parents. Collectively there are years (decades? centuries? millenia?) of experience, many brains to pick. Again, take what fits and ignore the rest.
Welcome.
Marg