Please Help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KayB13, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. KayB13

    KayB13 New Member

    I am at my wits end with my 5 year old daughter. She is constantly doing everything I repeatedly tell her not to do, like kicking her brother's ball around the living room. She talks back to me and her step dad and gives us dirty looks if we tell her no about something. I have tried sitting down and talking to her. It doesnt seem to sink in. I have tried yelling. That doesnt work either. Time-outs dont work with her- she just goes right back to doing whatever it was that she got in trouble for in the first place. My husband and i dont know what else we can do and now he is threatening to leave if she doesnt change soon. We have been dealing with this for 2 years now. What can i do to make my daughter listen and respect us?
  2. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    I found that consistency was the most important thing with my children. You and your husband need to be clear that you are both reacting in the same way to the behaviour, and persist with one method, rather than trying different methods if one doesn't work quickly enough. I would suggest a naughty spot, or naughty chair, for same number of minutes as her age. Persist in putting her back there until she does the time. Explain to her once before she is placed on the naughty chair, what she has done wrong. After that don't say anything, just keep putting her back there. Once she's done the time get her to say sorry, have a hug, and move on. It's not easy, but you have to stick at it and not get side-tracked and both do the same thing and make it clear that you are the ones in charge and that this is what is going to happen every time she is badly behaved.
    For good behaviour you could have a reward chart with points or stars for good things that she has done, and for listening, and some small prize once she reaches a target, such as a day out somewhere nice.

    This worked for me. Good luck.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would get her evaluated. It is never too early to get help. She is not behaving like a "typical" kid and there is help early on (age three) in the public schools for differently wired kids. A good way to tell if your kid has a disorder and is differently wired is that they do not respond to normal parenting techniques.j

    I prefer neuropsychs. They are very intensive. This is not a parenting issue and it's not your fault. Most of the time reward charts don't work with our differently wired kids. You can try, most of us have, with little success. I hope you are the one who has good success.

    I would still get her evaluated so that she can succeed in school. Bright or not, the behavior issues can hamper her in many ways, socially and academically. You can not make her behave because she is atypical. Please seek outside help. The earlier you get her help, the better the outcome. Good luck :) (I am assuming you live in the US...this is basically what we do here. Other countries deal with things differently).

    Did she have chaotic years in her first three? Stepdad has come at an awfully early age for her. Where is dad? Did she go through a divorce with you, so to speak? How is stepdad with her? Does he hit her? Yell at her? Scare her? He shouldnh't be doing any of those things.

    Does she see her father? These can all be factors. Attachment issues can happen if a child has very chaotic infant-three years with many different changes and caregivers and not much stability. Does she ever tantrum or get violent? Insecure attachment can cause very severe problems in the future, but t he good news is, she is young and there is help. Think about those first three years...they are very important to the wiring in your child's brain.

    If your husband is that uncommitted to you and your child, it may work out if he leaves. He does not sound mature or understanding at all. You don't need his threats to leave on top of everything else you have on your plate. Heck, I'm tempted to tell you to show him the door and to tell him not to hit his a*** on the door on the way out. (Sorry) :)

    Hugs and sorry for your scared and hurting mommy heart!
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2014
  4. KayB13

    KayB13 New Member

    I was not married to her father and after we split up when she was 2 months old he wasnt very involved. She hasnt seen him in over 3 years even after many attempts from me to get him more involved. For the first 3 years we lived with my parents because i couldnt afford to live on my own. She is very attatched to my parents and I think that might be some of the problem too. She doesnt get violent towards other people but recently she started pulling her hair if she doesnt get her own way. Im at the point now that i do want to get her checked out. I just dont want to have her medicated because i heard that kids sometimes turn into zombies on that stuff.