Please help

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by wendymarie, May 15, 2016.

  1. wendymarie

    wendymarie Member

    I don't even know where to begin here this is about my son who is 18 going on 19,well this kid as been putting me through the ringer for the last couple of years...twice he has been arrested for something , he order pills on line and they had an opposite effect and he flipped out and was trashing his room punching holes in walls went after his brother so needless to say I had to call the cops on him , well he was placed under arrest because of all the stuff he did , they bought him hospital to check them out and discharged him into police custody , while at the police he had another outburst and lunged at one of he cops , cop got hurt and now is looking at a felony, well since he was having some mental illness depression and anxiety they tried to get it into mental health court, which we now know it was denied.. So we back in regular court looking at probation up to five years... Well 3 weeks ago he decided to drink himself stupid flipped out , fell on his head so I called ambulance and because he was so high he threatened to kill himself which left him with physc hold for 72 hours... He makes me so angry and he tells me if I would just not get on him he only smoke pot, Well what do you guys think if I say no more to him , once he goes back to court he will have to start probation and I'm sure they drug test..let him hang his self, I tried everything android everything
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Does he live with you? Is he dangerous to you? It is certainly a choice that you not help him or enable his terrible behavior. He sounds very out of control.

    You can't change him. Only he can change himself. Please focus on taking care of yourself...your mental and physical health and the safety of yourself and anyone else who lives with you, if he is still home. Maybe he should not live there.

    Pot is a substance too. He is probably capable of getting addicted to pot or any drug. Too bad he wasn't offered rehab, although for rehab to work, the patient needs to want to quit.

    Anxiety and depression are extremely common. I fight both. They don't cause the things your son has done. Drug use can though.

    I'm so sorry your son is putting you through this.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Wendy

    I am sorry you are going through this but I am glad you are here.

    First, let me cut to the chase: the charges are a good thing. It may have saved him that he has to enter the judicial system. He may get mental health treatment but most of all there will be some accountability.

    I would not let him run amok as long as he is in my home. I would keep the reins tight. Soon you will have help in the form of a probation officer. If you cannot control him I would tell him to leave. But I would not let him stay in my home out of control.

    You will get help here in how to do it, and support to do so. There is an article on detaching on the website.

    It is slow on a Sunday night. Tomorrow morning about 9 am eastern time things should have picked up.

    Most of this I went through:
    Plus anxiety, depression, hostility, and absolute refusing to listen to anybody, especially me.

    My son is now 27. He is better. Getting better. But it took a lot of learning from me and detaching, which you will learn about here.

    My son was living with us for 4 months after nearly 4 and a half years away. He would not conform about the marijuana so I had to throw him out.

    I hate the marijuana. To me he is addicted, spends all of his money on it, it makes him depressed, low energy. I cannot stand it.

    I think your son right now, if he has any sense at all, is probably anxious and scared about what will happen. But that does not give him free rein to go wild.

    I hope you keep posting. I suggest that every single time he busts a wall or a door to call 911. If you feel threatened in any way call 911. If you are afraid, and you feel he might hurt you (or has) there are legal means to keep him away from you or your house.

    Take care.
     
  4. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Welcome to the site. It is a good thing that he has been charged. As much as it hurts you to do it, keep calling 911. That was the only way my son got the help he needed.
     
  5. wendymarie

    wendymarie Member

    So here the thing when he didn't get these drugs that he ordered online he actually pretty calm, the three time he raged and did all these damage he was on something that he ordered of line...what's odd with him is he doesn't run the streets he always home, but I told happens I keep calling 911..I'm not playing this game anymore ... I can honestly say from my heart I can't wait until he gets on probation .. I love my son but I can't stand him...
     
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Wendy.

    Who knows what those pills are. Did they analyze them at the hospital?

    Good. Call 911. I will tell you what I think: Son needs to understand that regardless of what happens with sentencing, etc. he cannot live with you if he is going to take illegal substances and act all crazy. Period. In fact I would think about having him move out altogether.

    What about Job Corps or the military? I know he is facing maybe 5 years probation, but if he is a first offender, maybe there will be room to negotiate. Is there drug court where you live? Job Corps does take kids that have had problems. I am not sure if they will accept somebody on probation. Now might be the time to start researching options, to see if there might be some compromise sentence, if he chooses some constructive alternative. He might be open to it, your son, to avoid something worse.

    I cannot determine by your post (sorry if I missed it) the extent and kind of problems your son has had prior to this incident.

    Do you believe the suicidal impulses, the violent outbursts, etc. are because of the drugs, or did he have problems before?

    In any event these problems are really for your son to handle, not you. There are also resident programs such as Victory Outreach, etc. that help men rebuild their lives. He may need and benefit from an immersion such as this.

    Take care. I am glad you will call 911.
     
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Still waters can run deep. I might see if he can be evaluated by a psychologist, psychiatrist. Perhaps probation will do it. I might suggest it to the PO, if you have the opportunity, given the suicidal gesture and the head injury.

    Does he have college plans or other plans to work or go to training? He should.
     
  8. wendymarie

    wendymarie Member

    I think his little suicidal thing is because he was thinking of my dad and sister who passed away , he was just running his mouth ... He knows he can't do anything here anymore because I told him I have no problem ratting him out when he goes on probation
     
  9. wendymarie

    wendymarie Member

    Nope I'm hoping they recommend all kinds of programs
     
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I just looked online. It seems one cannot enter the military on probation but job corps might be a possibility.

    Maybe they could suspend the sentence, contingent that he act right and complete the program, while he lived there. And if he acts out they could jerk him back to jail.

    I want to mention Job Corps. My son went when he was 18. He kind of hated it, but I loved it. It is free. They live there. They are very well supervised. It is a government program. There are all kinds of training programs that they can choose from.

    That way in a year or two he would have a trade, a way to make a living and live independently. Hopefully.
     
  11. wendymarie

    wendymarie Member

    Looking for the article on detachment anyone know where it is
     
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Go to forums, then to:

    Parent Emeritus


    You will find "Article on Detachment" about 3 down on the list of threads. Or you can do a search for article on detachment thread.
     
  13. wendymarie

    wendymarie Member

    thank you
     
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