Please pinch me Mom, help me get out of this.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, Mar 28, 2008.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well I know we had done too many things yesterday... :dissapointed: I knew she would be on overload. But she was trying so hard and sometimes I have to get stuff done!
    Both of the girls had Dentists apts. Early, so we had to drive over and hour to get to them. So long apts... by the way K loves the dentist!!! She is weird that way... she had to have her teeth sealed, loved it. But this is still sensory, junk on her mind...
    So then we had to got to Target, big city store!!! We needed to pick up presents for Birthday Parties this weekend.
    ( I think she is partly "up" due to the 2 birthday parties today and Saturday)
    She started having an overload in Target... i was able to calm her... options. Threats... Telling her I know she can do this!!!
    Oh also we had stopped prior to Target to get them a sandwich, so they would be OK to deal... I also bought them a treat for the rest of the ride home!!!
    So then we had to stop at PETCO... I had laid out all of this beforehand so they knew... she had her list and was checking it off...
    She did great in PETCO. They love the pets.
    Another almost breakdown in car... So of course I see Best Buy!!! I need to but something for husband's birthday!!! One of the few times husband is not with me and I am actually in the BIG CITY!!! So I park in front, let the girls stay in the car with Clemmey. They are watching a movie... they are fine with this. I never let them do this... the big city is actually still a small town!!! So they are safe... took me just a few minutes.

    So we start drive home, have treats, N falls asleep on drive home.

    K does great reast of way home...
    We get home, I stop movie and am about to re-start it in the house, I say lets start it back aways so N can catch up???
    K is elevating a bit by now... jumping around... but not wanting to do anything but watch the movie.
    I say come on K it is OK lets just let N catch up???
    This way I can put the stuff away and then we can start dinner... I am even going to make burritos because they both want them!!!

    She loses it... starts screaming... it turns basically into a full meltdown. I tell her she can chose to either watch the show, or go upstairs with me. To help her calm down.

    It ends us with her hitting herself... dropping to the floor, she starts pinching herself, all over and saying she can't stop. She can't make her body stop. It is helping her calm down. She tells me she can't make her body work. I need to pinch her to help her, to make her body work again... she is stuck. The dog is swinging a ball on a rope around her head and almost hitting her... she still doesn't move. I tell her I am not pinching her and I am done talking.
    She just lays there sobbing begging me to pinch her...
    Finally I pick her up and she screams that is not the same, you need to pinch me!!!
    pinch my arms and legs...
    In the end we talk and she tells me the pinching feels like it will bring her back and help her feel calm.
    She has started to do more of this in the past week... pinching her mouth when I am asking her to be quiet, she will scream I can't and starts pinching her mouth. Or arms.
    it is so reminiscent of cutting or self abuse... it scares me pretty bad. Of course when I called husband and talked to him about it. He hadn't noticed it. :biting:
    i don't want to be over thinking this, but. I am going to be watching her and keeping track of this... I just know I used to pull my hair out because it was calming when I was out of control...
    So the pinching makes sense.
    I have read before when a child is almost immobilized by there mania... they become almost in a seizure like state... and they need like a slap or pain to bring them around. Not that I am going to do that!!! (They feel like they need the pain to bring them around) I also know a lot of BiPolar (BP) people myself included in the past, thrived on the adrenalin of the high of the pain... whether from an argument or pain from self infliction...

    I just hope she isn't doing this stuff already.
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh and we have to go to the Party today... I would skip it. It is at McD's... At 3pm. YUCK. But she needs to feel normal and she needs the socialization... the other one is tomorrow same story. She has wanted to go for weeks now. I can't take it away from her. I will leave though it if gets to be too much...
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    totoro, we had a parent of an older child mention that they told her the self pinching/hitting helped them calm down by bring their thoughts together.
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    SRL that is what I think... but it still is hard to watch... I was reading a book, and the daughter was telling the Mother that she cut, because the alternative was too scary to think about. Of course this was a teen. But I of course as a Mom want to just help soothe what ever is going on in her poor head. Sometimes the home therapies help. Sometimes not. Sometimes she just refuses.
  5. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Hi, and hugs to you! That sounds really intense. Our kids have different issues, but I sometimes see my difficult child get into a similar state, where he writhes around on the floor yelling, "I'M ANXIOUS!"

    We have a treadmill, so I just encourage him to get on there for a bit, and that seems to help. (It's like a treat for my kids to be allowed on the "grownup" treadmill.) Also if I can get him into the shower that helps sometimes. I wonder, for someone who wants pinching feelings on her arms and legs, do you think a shower head with a massage setting would be an acceptable outlet? Those shower heads can be pretty intense.

    Wish I had better advice for you! Hugs again.
  6. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Totoro, I"m so sorry things got out of hand. I so understand having to run the errands, having a game plan, an emergency plan, etc. And then to see it fall apart regardless of your best, most compassionate and thoughtful efforts.

    It IS hard to watch our kids need to hurt themselves. For the past six or so months, the way my 4.8yo difficult child brings closure to a tantrum is to bite his hand or arm long and hard enough to leave deep marks and, one assumes, cause pain. That pain then makes him weep in a totally different way and--I suppose--gets the brain onto another track: pain response. After he spends some time in that mode, he comes back to some sort of rationality.

    Unfortunately, I have a similar response to extreme anxiety and frustration, but fortunately, it is all in my head: I envision doing violent, painful things to myself. This refocuses me, for a while, anyway. I don't understand why it has always been merely a visual thing for me, but I am thankful I don't have to enact it.

    I sure wish I knew how to stop our kids from having to hurt themselves. ((HUGS))
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    TOTO -

    Years ago - almost 12, Dude was in Kindergarten. He was doing well as this was before all the trauma with x. However x and I had separated. I had gone to the school to pick Dude up and out of the Kindergarten class he marches, digs in his book bag when he got in the car and pulled out - a wob of feathers, all different colors, taped together with a bit of masking tape.

    I made a fuss saying how pretty it was and he said "NO MOMMY. It's NOT for pretty - it's a tickle maker because you are always sad." then he stroked the bottom of my chin with it - and dog gone it - it did make me laugh.

    I still have that tickle maker - I love it, I treasure it. I use it.

    Make K and N each one - 4 or 5 feathers each - and some tape - and the next time K throws herself on the ground and wants pinched tell her the feathers will do the same job - but better.

    Tell her it's a - whatever you think will work.....

    Worth a try - if she's looking for some help with stimulation and you're willing - maybe it would do it?

  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I will try it Star* Either it will annoy her out of her mood!!! OR it will actually help her! LOL
    I know N likes stuff like this. Maybe if I enlist their help? She calls her Mood Disorder her, Miss Feelies.
    It started with a box, years ago, I started a feelings box for her, when she was out of control. She could go and get something out off the box to help her calm down...We had a story that I would tell her about her mind, and her feelings... but the name she came up with for her moods was her, Miss Feelings.
    I will try it.
  9. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    When difficult child was younger, I used to give her a tight hug and rub my nuckles up and down her back firmly. It really seemed to help her calm down. Also, wrapping her in a blanket tightly seemed to help too. I called it the blanket taco! She loved it and eventually asked for it when she was feeling out of control.

    And now that she is older, she actually, goes under the blankets on her bed and gets curled up and tangled in them until she calms down. It works and it is safe.

    I hope you find something that works.
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thanks Loving Abbey- those are all part of our home therapies, she has done years of Occupational Therapist (OT)... this is a step beyond her usual moods! The things that normally help her don't seem to help in these situations... she is not on any medications at the moment either though.
    Right now she is wrapped in a blanket working on one of her "hand tools" Floam... because she had a Birthday Party to go to and she is not ready for bed, she is too elevated, but she can't settle down yet...but swinging would be too much for her tonight. So it is a super young movie... blanket and hand works. But some times she is just beyond that!!! You know?
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  12. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Totoro, could you get her to drink something carbonated like a half can of Sprite through a straw? I know it sounds simple but the combination of carbonation, sugar, sipping, and flavor often helped my difficult child. It was one of our "go-to" things in our bag of tricks.
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    SRL- interesting??? I will try anything!!! How did you come by this? We don't have soda in our house, but we do have the natural soda's that we have as a special treat... I am sure the natural sugars will do the same thing?

    OK Feather thingy, and soda!!!
    I talked to her about making the feather thing tonight, I told her flat out, I would not hurt her. Even if she needed it/wanted it. I would not pinch her... I said I would make a little tickle thing with you and N, when you are feeling upset and like you need to be hurt or pinched etc. We can try this! She giggled and said OK...
    Thanks guys!!!
  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I think it was something I read about in a booklet about a sensory program called The Alert Program: How Does Your Engine Run? It introduced sensory as something we all experienced and mentioned the various ways an adult in a boring meeting might employ to raise their level of alertness. I can't remember everything but it might be motions like tapping or rocking a foot back and forth, oral stimulation such as gum, soda, chemical stimulation such as caffeine, etc. I thought of how a Diet Dr. Pepper does the job for me and how Sprite is often used for patients coming out of surgery. It wasn't a cureall but I got some good milage out of it. ;-)

    I liked the Alert Program philosophy because it's goal was for the child to recognize what they need.