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<blockquote data-quote="tpcmom" data-source="post: 91052" data-attributes="member: 114"><p>Thank you so much, it means so much to me. It's been very hard and the pain is overwhelming sometimes. Nights I cry and cry all the time. Tonight I picked up my middle guy and my sis called on my cell when we got home he got out and I just started sobbing on the phone, with my head down, he came back into the car and put his arm around me and just layed his head on my shoulders. I cried harder. I feel so helpless. My oldest has not been doing well at all, I tried to get him to get some help but as my therapist told me he is playing the victim, and he will never get out of that victim mode until he gets the help he needs. Substance abuse is definitly a disease, his dad is an alcoholic and never there for my boys their whole life, even after his baby was murdered, he still hasn't called them to see how they are doing, if they need anything, just once he called. I know my oldest calls his pop-pop because he is older and he is afraid that he will die while he is away, it breaks his heart, he even tells me about our cat who is 12 y/o. He wants to cut a lock of his fur just in case. It's sad, he isn't a bad person, just troubled and addicted. I pray God intervenes and gets him help, he desperately needs it. I need it, I need peace, I need to grieve for my baby, I miss him so much and am not so strong to go thru this more turmoil. I have had this going before Timmy was killed and now it's just gotten so much worse, the burden has become so unbearable. I feel that all my energy is wasted and I cry for him and then I have all this other stuff to deal with I feel that I will never get better I want to get better for my two other boys because they need me, but I can't seem to because so much is going on. He was such a sweet boy, and I miss him so much and now I'm facing my oldest going away and the holidays are coming and birthdays. Timmy's b/d is New Year's Eve and my middle guy is Christmas Day. It will be double pain, double loss all at once. And if my oldest isn't there he will be devestated alone and in despair. I pray God has mercy on him really I want him to get help, he needs to go away and get help, not prison.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for thinking of me and sending all your good wishes and prayers. We need them </p><p></p><p>Bette</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tpcmom, post: 91052, member: 114"] Thank you so much, it means so much to me. It's been very hard and the pain is overwhelming sometimes. Nights I cry and cry all the time. Tonight I picked up my middle guy and my sis called on my cell when we got home he got out and I just started sobbing on the phone, with my head down, he came back into the car and put his arm around me and just layed his head on my shoulders. I cried harder. I feel so helpless. My oldest has not been doing well at all, I tried to get him to get some help but as my therapist told me he is playing the victim, and he will never get out of that victim mode until he gets the help he needs. Substance abuse is definitly a disease, his dad is an alcoholic and never there for my boys their whole life, even after his baby was murdered, he still hasn't called them to see how they are doing, if they need anything, just once he called. I know my oldest calls his pop-pop because he is older and he is afraid that he will die while he is away, it breaks his heart, he even tells me about our cat who is 12 y/o. He wants to cut a lock of his fur just in case. It's sad, he isn't a bad person, just troubled and addicted. I pray God intervenes and gets him help, he desperately needs it. I need it, I need peace, I need to grieve for my baby, I miss him so much and am not so strong to go thru this more turmoil. I have had this going before Timmy was killed and now it's just gotten so much worse, the burden has become so unbearable. I feel that all my energy is wasted and I cry for him and then I have all this other stuff to deal with I feel that I will never get better I want to get better for my two other boys because they need me, but I can't seem to because so much is going on. He was such a sweet boy, and I miss him so much and now I'm facing my oldest going away and the holidays are coming and birthdays. Timmy's b/d is New Year's Eve and my middle guy is Christmas Day. It will be double pain, double loss all at once. And if my oldest isn't there he will be devestated alone and in despair. I pray God has mercy on him really I want him to get help, he needs to go away and get help, not prison. Thank you for thinking of me and sending all your good wishes and prayers. We need them Bette [/QUOTE]
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