Please send cyber support my way

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Oct 31, 2009.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am not sure what is wrong with me, but I feel broken. I can't explain it in another way. Like so completely physically and mentally fatigued that I cannot function. I just can't think, it is like I am operating in a cloud. Yet my reality is getting more and more demanding.

    Matt is in a horrible place, and is having to start the whole program over again. He is acting like a 5 year old, throwing tantrums, losing his mind. I can barely think about it, but it takes all of my energy not to think about it.

    My boss is leaving Wed., and the company has told me that I just need to do her job and mine for now without a pay increase of course. I combined our 2 job responsibilities together on paper, and guess how long it is? Two full pages, with no spaces. Seriously. It is impossible. They are setting me up to fail. And do you think anyone cares? Nope. They will care when I drop a ball though, and they will come running and screeching into my office to rip me a new one.

    I just feel like everyone is tugging at me from all angles. My parents are in town, and they want me to get in a boat and meet them on the lake. I guess I will, apparently because I am so numb, that saying no is harder than just doing it.

    I have these 2 guys that sorta like me, that are driving me insane. I just need to tell them to back off too. I truly believe they only want one thing. Yet every time they call, I come over, and waste a night playing mind games.

    H's old best friend emailed me this long poem telling me how much she missed H, and how she just wants to connect with someone else who loved H. Remember this is the girl who stole H.'s stuff when she died.

    And I think I am sick. Both eyes look like they have pink eye, and my throat hurts, and I am unbelievably tired. I know I have not been taking care of myself at all, and I am just completely run down.

    I know, what a whine, huh. Thanks for listening. I just feel so broken inside, that I can't even find my center to set boundaries. I just keep waking up every day and letting the world sap me of what ever I have left. Which, as each day goes on, is less and less.

    I just can't believe that this enormous job is being dumped, literally, in my lap. I feel like someone set a boulder on top of me, and walked away.

    And I can't believe I am entering another holiday season without being able to spend it with Matt. I miss him so much, it hurts. And good God, I just SO want him to be happy. Please God, just help him find his happiness.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Sending cyber hugs and support.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and support your way Steely.
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Sending cyber (hugs).

    I think (not sure) you said before you were seeing or considering seeing a therapist. I hope that is the case 'cause obviously you have much stress in your life and this could very well be catching up to you.

    Please take really good care of yourself. Sounds like a simple thing and just the thing to say...but it is very important.

    Again (hugs).
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs and love, Steeley. And prayers for you all.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hang in there, Steely. One day at a time. You need to rest and get over this bug first. The rest of the stuff will wait, and you'll be feeling better and in a better place mentally to deal with it when you are healthy.

    Sending major hugs...
  7. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Whine? Are you kidding me??

    Well, it is certainly no wondering why you are feeling so emotionally and physically drained. I think anyone would in your position. You have the world on your shoulders.

    I understand about having double job duties with single pay. I have found myself in that position currently. Budget cuts and layoffs in education has everyone doing more, but my responsibilities have doubled. Last night (yes, last NIGHT after an 11 hour day) I got home from work mentally and physically exhausted. Then I had to deal with a very embarassing situation with Son involving HIS school. This is the third time this week he's done something.

    If I were to give any advice it would be to get yourself well physically (as best you can considering your circumstances). Get to the doctor have the eyes and throat looked at. When Daughter was diagnosed with leukemia, I got pinkeye in both eyes from the constant crying. It usually only gets worse. I remember driving down the freeway to the hospital barely being able to see the infection got so bad.

    I think you need to let everyone in your life (including your parents) that you need some space to take care of yourself. The men? Put them on hold. The poem writer? Ignore for now (or forever if need be). Your job? I'm in a similiar boat. No advice. I'm in survival mode myself.

    I will repeat, get yourself to the doctor and get your physical taken care of and try* to get more rest.

    *Easier said than done.

    ((gentle hugs))
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) You know if you're physically ill, it makes bad situations even worse and harder to deal with so TRY to take care of you first. M will be ok, I think, it sounds like the difficult child pattern in him- three steps forward, then a giant step backward. I'm sorry he (and you) are still going thru this.

    I hope the situation with the job turns out to be a blessing in disguise- maybe it will lead to a promotion for you!?!
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs and lots of support.
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Sending out lots of hugs and a shoulder to lean on.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ((((hugs)))) and continued prayers.
  12. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I'm so sorry you are suffering. Sending all the cyber support and love I can manage. Hang in there.

  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sending {{{hugs}}} and support.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending lots of hugs. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you can see a doctor to get some help and a therapist to help work it out.

    The doctor should be soon, esp with an infection, and the therapist should also be soon. You NEED to take care of yourself. It is so hard, esp for us warrior moms used to going on the warpath for our kids. Right now, I hope you can figure out a way to get to a doctor and open up. Just let the doctor see it all. It is hard, and draining, but it will eventually help.

    Please take care of our Steely.

    Lots and lots of love.
  15. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Sending support and many hugs.
  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending more hugs for Sunday...hope you're feeling better today.
  17. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Sending lots and lots of hugs.
  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    WOW:D Thank you! I truly could feel your support and prayers this weekend. It was amazing.

    I decided to go out on the lake with my parents and my guy friend R, and I just tried to let go and stay in the moment. R is good at reminding me to relax.

    I ended up finding so much strength and peace in that 48 hours in nature - it has rejuvenated me!!! I took a super long hike to the top of a mesa..........and the overlook was outstanding. Then I went kayaking, which I have never done, and absolutely fell in love with it. Then I watched the full moon rise, and just focused on serenity and the now.

    I got back today, and I was instantly hit with that crazy spacey overwhelmed feeling - but I am trying to stay centered on that peace I found, and take one minute at a time. You guys are the best. Again, thank you. I really could feel my cyber friends hugging me and sending me strength and healing.
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I got here a bit late, but I'm still sending hugs to you. I know how the overwhelmed feeling can drag you down. It can make you crazy, and numb, and unable to accomplish anything because there is just too much to do.

    We're here for you. And you're not whining, you're letting us know how you feel - and that's what friends are for. You've been there for us - now it is your turn!