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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 614456" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am not good at saying no. You all saw how I continued to talk to 36 even with all the verbal abuse and threats he dished out to me. Never once did he say "sorry" or "I shouldn't have said that." It was always "You made me say that." However, putting the phone to my ear while trying not to care what he is saying is different than destroying my life for him by giving him our last penny, which we don't have much of, or even thinking that he could ever live at home again. He can't, for any reason. </p><p></p><p>Fear of him is one big reason I can say "no" to him ever living with us again. It wouldn't work out. When he lived with his father he got into a few shoving matches with him and, although he has never been off-the-wall violent yet, I believe he has that potential if he is ticked off enough. I have seen him fling a poor cat he used to have across the room for getting on his beloved videogame system. I saw him sort of kick the cat at other times too. I say "sort of" because it wasn't really hard, but it was a kick and swearing at the cat. And animal abuse is a step away from people abuse. </p><p></p><p>Money is an easier issue. We don't have much money so nobody really asks us for any. I have given Julie some bucks at times. By "some bucks" I mean thirty dollars to, at the most, a hundred, not often. She doesn't ask. Sometimes I just know she needs it and if it is a rare time when I have extra, I may send money to her and tell her later. For those of us who do have enough, you need to ask yourself if this grown child who will not be saved by your money is worth going broke over in retirement. Sadly enough, I believe these difficult child kids would be the first one to forget about our care in our very old age and either neglect us or put us into a rotten nursing home. Maybe I am being too hard on our "differently wired" kids. Maybe I am only thinking of 36. But...we all need a nest egg. </p><p></p><p>I would let my other kids live at home with me. I'm not against it. Times are tough now. But 36? No, it's too big a risk. I finally believe that I matter as much as him, and I care about my life. And other people do love me and would miss me if anything happened while I enabled 36. </p><p></p><p>I feel fortunate that 36 lives so far away and is phobic about driving far. Makes it tons easier.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 614456, member: 1550"] I am not good at saying no. You all saw how I continued to talk to 36 even with all the verbal abuse and threats he dished out to me. Never once did he say "sorry" or "I shouldn't have said that." It was always "You made me say that." However, putting the phone to my ear while trying not to care what he is saying is different than destroying my life for him by giving him our last penny, which we don't have much of, or even thinking that he could ever live at home again. He can't, for any reason. Fear of him is one big reason I can say "no" to him ever living with us again. It wouldn't work out. When he lived with his father he got into a few shoving matches with him and, although he has never been off-the-wall violent yet, I believe he has that potential if he is ticked off enough. I have seen him fling a poor cat he used to have across the room for getting on his beloved videogame system. I saw him sort of kick the cat at other times too. I say "sort of" because it wasn't really hard, but it was a kick and swearing at the cat. And animal abuse is a step away from people abuse. Money is an easier issue. We don't have much money so nobody really asks us for any. I have given Julie some bucks at times. By "some bucks" I mean thirty dollars to, at the most, a hundred, not often. She doesn't ask. Sometimes I just know she needs it and if it is a rare time when I have extra, I may send money to her and tell her later. For those of us who do have enough, you need to ask yourself if this grown child who will not be saved by your money is worth going broke over in retirement. Sadly enough, I believe these difficult child kids would be the first one to forget about our care in our very old age and either neglect us or put us into a rotten nursing home. Maybe I am being too hard on our "differently wired" kids. Maybe I am only thinking of 36. But...we all need a nest egg. I would let my other kids live at home with me. I'm not against it. Times are tough now. But 36? No, it's too big a risk. I finally believe that I matter as much as him, and I care about my life. And other people do love me and would miss me if anything happened while I enabled 36. I feel fortunate that 36 lives so far away and is phobic about driving far. Makes it tons easier. [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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