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Parent Emeritus
Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 614526"><p>This has been a struggle. We tend to give in when it is an extreme matter of health or safety. It is a judgment call. But, a hard one and I think at some point, we have to develop more and more boundaries and push our difficult children into doing as much as possible into learning how to help themselves. </p><p></p><p> We have set strong boundaries...some never to be crossed under any circumstances. Our situation is different than yours, not as extreme , but also confusing and difficult. When we do make a final decision about a boundary, it is usually a long, difficult process....but we are firm.</p><p></p><p>That lack of gratitude....I've mentioned this before.Entitlement, lack of appreciation, etc. </p><p>this seems to come naturally to them, and our enabling makes it worse. </p><p></p><p>The example below of putting $20 on the phone card, but difficult child not using any of that $ to call her parents. ......sad, frustrating....</p><p></p><p>What about this one....difficult child calls me almost monthly crying that she is starving and without any food or that she hasn't eaten any food all day. So, our food store had a great deal on some soups buy one get one free and I got some and gave several to her and told her to use them for emergencies. So,next time she called "starving," I asked her if she had any of her emergency Ramon Noodle Soup and she said " I don't want to eat any of that yucky soup!" WTH?!? So, she would rather starve? I must be the sucker of the year. The girl apparently doesn't know the meaning of starving. #%!$ No more emergency soups etc. from moi. </p><p></p><p></p><p>On the positive side: One thing we have done with our difficult child that has done very well, is we GREATLY limit engaging with her if she is disrespectful or threatening suicide. She cut herself the other day (more like a scratch) ....a suicide threat because she wasnt getting her way.</p><p></p><p>husband sent her a text and said to be sure to clean that up with disinfectant and if she did it again or even had thoughts of doing it again or anything else that was self destructive, to immediately get to a hospital. Funny, she was fine the next day. </p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, in MOST cases, it is a good idea to learn to say NO to a difficult child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 614526"] This has been a struggle. We tend to give in when it is an extreme matter of health or safety. It is a judgment call. But, a hard one and I think at some point, we have to develop more and more boundaries and push our difficult children into doing as much as possible into learning how to help themselves. We have set strong boundaries...some never to be crossed under any circumstances. Our situation is different than yours, not as extreme , but also confusing and difficult. When we do make a final decision about a boundary, it is usually a long, difficult process....but we are firm. That lack of gratitude....I've mentioned this before.Entitlement, lack of appreciation, etc. this seems to come naturally to them, and our enabling makes it worse. The example below of putting $20 on the phone card, but difficult child not using any of that $ to call her parents. ......sad, frustrating.... What about this one....difficult child calls me almost monthly crying that she is starving and without any food or that she hasn't eaten any food all day. So, our food store had a great deal on some soups buy one get one free and I got some and gave several to her and told her to use them for emergencies. So,next time she called "starving," I asked her if she had any of her emergency Ramon Noodle Soup and she said " I don't want to eat any of that yucky soup!" WTH?!? So, she would rather starve? I must be the sucker of the year. The girl apparently doesn't know the meaning of starving. #%!$ No more emergency soups etc. from moi. On the positive side: One thing we have done with our difficult child that has done very well, is we GREATLY limit engaging with her if she is disrespectful or threatening suicide. She cut herself the other day (more like a scratch) ....a suicide threat because she wasnt getting her way. husband sent her a text and said to be sure to clean that up with disinfectant and if she did it again or even had thoughts of doing it again or anything else that was self destructive, to immediately get to a hospital. Funny, she was fine the next day. in my humble opinion, in MOST cases, it is a good idea to learn to say NO to a difficult child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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