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Parent Emeritus
Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 614552" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>MWM your post gave me alot to think about. Like you, I hold a picture of who difficult child son is in my heart that is very different than who he keeps proving to us that he is. For so many years, it was like I was holding that person difficult child son really was safe. It seemed that if I believed in him, it would be possible for him to believe in himself. I am beginning to realize though that it is this belief that keeps me enabling someone who chose, long ago, to be someone who is not very much like that image I hold of him, at all. It's a strange place to be, MWM. Do I turn away from the son who does exist because he is not the son I knew? Or do I continue pretending the person who now exists, the adult who created himself from the very same child that I knew and loved so well, is anything like that little boy I raised. Scott G posted something about accepting that our kids are who they are and not judging them for it.</p><p></p><p>I cannot do that. If I let go of that imagery I still nurture about who difficult child son is.... I don't know. There is so much hostility in acknowledging what the man who now exists did with that little boy I loved.</p><p></p><p>Whew!</p><p></p><p>Rageful thinking.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>I need to think about it, though.</p><p></p><p>How does that old thing go, where someone slaps someone, and the guy who gets slaps sputters: "Thanks! I needed that!"</p><p></p><p>Ew. Ouch. Thanks, MWM. I did need that.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>"I finally believe I matter as much as him, and I care about my life."</p><p></p><p>That is huge, MWM.</p><p></p><p>Ew. Ouch. And etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 614552, member: 1721"] MWM your post gave me alot to think about. Like you, I hold a picture of who difficult child son is in my heart that is very different than who he keeps proving to us that he is. For so many years, it was like I was holding that person difficult child son really was safe. It seemed that if I believed in him, it would be possible for him to believe in himself. I am beginning to realize though that it is this belief that keeps me enabling someone who chose, long ago, to be someone who is not very much like that image I hold of him, at all. It's a strange place to be, MWM. Do I turn away from the son who does exist because he is not the son I knew? Or do I continue pretending the person who now exists, the adult who created himself from the very same child that I knew and loved so well, is anything like that little boy I raised. Scott G posted something about accepting that our kids are who they are and not judging them for it. I cannot do that. If I let go of that imagery I still nurture about who difficult child son is.... I don't know. There is so much hostility in acknowledging what the man who now exists did with that little boy I loved. Whew! Rageful thinking. Ew. I need to think about it, though. How does that old thing go, where someone slaps someone, and the guy who gets slaps sputters: "Thanks! I needed that!" Ew. Ouch. Thanks, MWM. I did need that. Cedar "I finally believe I matter as much as him, and I care about my life." That is huge, MWM. Ew. Ouch. And etc. [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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