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Parent Emeritus
Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 614563" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I like that thought about your having more children, thank goodness. In other words, what you understood through that comment, and what we are still struggling with, is that it was the child/adult/difficult child who needed to accept responsibility for his personality, for his responses to the challenges everyone faces, for his drug use or his rudeness, for his successes or failures, not you.</p><p></p><p>"He was 18 but he was this way at 4."</p><p></p><p>And this is true too, Up. Adding drug use to who difficult child son was at 4 created an essential unbalance. Punching holes through the strength and the good in him, the drug use left only the parts he would have worked through as he matured, the same challenging things all of us come to grips with as adults. I have read that anything we do instead of sitting with the feelings prevents further maturation. This is as true for those of us who abuse drugs or whatever, as it is for those of us who do not. Part of what fuels my dysfunctional adaptation to our family's dynamic is that I don't acknowledge that my kids are as responsible for who they are as adults as I was for who they were as children. </p><p></p><p>****************</p><p></p><p>"C'mon let him get on with his life."</p><p></p><p>You are right. The responsibility for who and how difficult child son is now, at 37, has nothing to do with me. Whatever my gifts or shortcomings as a parent, difficult child's life is a thing of his own creation, now.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 614563, member: 1721"] I like that thought about your having more children, thank goodness. In other words, what you understood through that comment, and what we are still struggling with, is that it was the child/adult/difficult child who needed to accept responsibility for his personality, for his responses to the challenges everyone faces, for his drug use or his rudeness, for his successes or failures, not you. "He was 18 but he was this way at 4." And this is true too, Up. Adding drug use to who difficult child son was at 4 created an essential unbalance. Punching holes through the strength and the good in him, the drug use left only the parts he would have worked through as he matured, the same challenging things all of us come to grips with as adults. I have read that anything we do instead of sitting with the feelings prevents further maturation. This is as true for those of us who abuse drugs or whatever, as it is for those of us who do not. Part of what fuels my dysfunctional adaptation to our family's dynamic is that I don't acknowledge that my kids are as responsible for who they are as adults as I was for who they were as children. **************** "C'mon let him get on with his life." You are right. The responsibility for who and how difficult child son is now, at 37, has nothing to do with me. Whatever my gifts or shortcomings as a parent, difficult child's life is a thing of his own creation, now. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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