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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 614566" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, when difficult child 36 was married and barely spoke to us, I deluded myself into thinking, "He has grown up and become responsible and mature and even a nicer person." Before that it was, "Well, he is mentally ill."</p><p></p><p>The excuses and fantasy wishes made me feel better, but they weren't true. He is what he is. This is middle age man who thinks of himself first, with the exception of his son (I hope that lasts, but no more delusions for me). Right now, because he isn't under stress, his verbal abuse is way down. But the fact that he is capable of such violent speech and disrespect at all is scary. Plus I am pretty sure he is a daily drinker, possibly a functional alcoholic because he never misses work. I can no longer play games of "let's pretend." I have other family who needs me to be in good shape. And I have to do it for myself too. </p><p></p><p>I have few memories of 36 being a nice little boy. He was the best baby until maybe fifteen months old. He always smiled and was very playful and social and EXTREMELY smart. After that, once he started playing with other kids, the kids started getting hurt. And it goes on and on. I saw what a truly SWEET toddler was after Julie came home from Korea. She was the first lovebug toddler I had. Then there was Sonic and Jumper. If I hadn't had other kids, I may not have been able to compare, but I had them and I can't help it. As adults, Sonic, with his autism, is already far more mature and polite and unfailingly kind than 36 will ever be. I hate to compare kids, but it is so glaring.</p><p></p><p>Jumper, Julie and Sonic can come live with me anytime they have a need. It's never easy to live with grown kids, but they are well-meaning, goodhearted, loving people who I wouldn't hesitate to help in a heartbeat...in any way that I could.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 614566, member: 1550"] Cedar, when difficult child 36 was married and barely spoke to us, I deluded myself into thinking, "He has grown up and become responsible and mature and even a nicer person." Before that it was, "Well, he is mentally ill." The excuses and fantasy wishes made me feel better, but they weren't true. He is what he is. This is middle age man who thinks of himself first, with the exception of his son (I hope that lasts, but no more delusions for me). Right now, because he isn't under stress, his verbal abuse is way down. But the fact that he is capable of such violent speech and disrespect at all is scary. Plus I am pretty sure he is a daily drinker, possibly a functional alcoholic because he never misses work. I can no longer play games of "let's pretend." I have other family who needs me to be in good shape. And I have to do it for myself too. I have few memories of 36 being a nice little boy. He was the best baby until maybe fifteen months old. He always smiled and was very playful and social and EXTREMELY smart. After that, once he started playing with other kids, the kids started getting hurt. And it goes on and on. I saw what a truly SWEET toddler was after Julie came home from Korea. She was the first lovebug toddler I had. Then there was Sonic and Jumper. If I hadn't had other kids, I may not have been able to compare, but I had them and I can't help it. As adults, Sonic, with his autism, is already far more mature and polite and unfailingly kind than 36 will ever be. I hate to compare kids, but it is so glaring. Jumper, Julie and Sonic can come live with me anytime they have a need. It's never easy to live with grown kids, but they are well-meaning, goodhearted, loving people who I wouldn't hesitate to help in a heartbeat...in any way that I could. [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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