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Parent Emeritus
Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="Mechdonna2" data-source="post: 614569" data-attributes="member: 16068"><p>I would like to answer your meaningful question about learning to say "no" to my difficult child. I have one child. I can't imagine dealing with more than one difficult child. My heart goes out to parents that have more than one.</p><p></p><p>It has been a long, hard process that has lasted over 20 years. My difficult child says he began drinking at age 12. I knew about it by age 15. I am not sure that he is telling the truth about when he started. He has been using the drug spice mixed with pot. I don't know how long he has been doing that. </p><p></p><p>He claims that he wants disability so that he can go back to school. His brain has been fried too much to be able to go back to school. His girlfriend has been supporting him for many years on a salary of a medical assistant. I know that she drinks too much and uses spice mixed with pot. I am shocked that her boss has not popped a drug test on her. She has been working since May of this year for a doctor.</p><p></p><p>He has reached "rock bottom" at least three times, in my mind. He has never said that he would like to recover.</p><p></p><p>That is why I am able to say "no." I believe it would be more difficult if he was willing to get help. If he went into recovery, I would help him emotionally, but not financially. I understand that it is not a good idea to give money to an adult who wants to recover. It would be tempting, if I had the hope that he could recover. I am not "riding the fence" right now. That is why I am able to detach after 20 plus years. Sometimes it seems we are alone with our problems with our difficult child. But, since he has moved back to my city, I am finding out that nearly every family has at least one difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mechdonna2, post: 614569, member: 16068"] I would like to answer your meaningful question about learning to say "no" to my difficult child. I have one child. I can't imagine dealing with more than one difficult child. My heart goes out to parents that have more than one. It has been a long, hard process that has lasted over 20 years. My difficult child says he began drinking at age 12. I knew about it by age 15. I am not sure that he is telling the truth about when he started. He has been using the drug spice mixed with pot. I don't know how long he has been doing that. He claims that he wants disability so that he can go back to school. His brain has been fried too much to be able to go back to school. His girlfriend has been supporting him for many years on a salary of a medical assistant. I know that she drinks too much and uses spice mixed with pot. I am shocked that her boss has not popped a drug test on her. She has been working since May of this year for a doctor. He has reached "rock bottom" at least three times, in my mind. He has never said that he would like to recover. That is why I am able to say "no." I believe it would be more difficult if he was willing to get help. If he went into recovery, I would help him emotionally, but not financially. I understand that it is not a good idea to give money to an adult who wants to recover. It would be tempting, if I had the hope that he could recover. I am not "riding the fence" right now. That is why I am able to detach after 20 plus years. Sometimes it seems we are alone with our problems with our difficult child. But, since he has moved back to my city, I am finding out that nearly every family has at least one difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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