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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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<blockquote data-quote="Scott_G" data-source="post: 614570" data-attributes="member: 16626"><p>My parents supported me through college and told me I was on my own when I graduated. I took that to heart Only once since then did I ever have to ask them for money, and I was completely ashamed and embarrassed to have to do so. A parent is only obligated to support a child up until the age of 18. A parent is not obligated to their children for their entire lives. I don't care if the kid won the "world's best person" award, I am one individual who does not think it is okay for kids to live at home rent free after 18 or move back home indefinetly as adults, and I certainly don't condone abuse behavior on the part of adult children when their parents don't give them their way.</p><p></p><p>It usually isn't too difficult for me to tell my son no. I set that straight with him when he was in his early 20s. He won't even ask me for the time of day because he already knows my answer. Being the master manipulator he is, he goes right to his mother when he wants something, and I eventually give in to her. Just like an addict needs to hit bottom before getting clean, I think we need to reach a point where we truly have had enough, we tried everything many times only to see it fail every time, and we are so mentally exhausted that "no" is the only thing left. When the kid was going through all of the latest drama over the past year, the idea of him (and even his girlfriend too, LOL) living with us again came up a couple of times, and initially my wife was behind it. This is where I finally reached the point of enough is enough. I was no longer going to give in to him through my wife. He lived with us twice before as an adult, and both times ended badly. I had no reason to believe it would be any different this time. I was also extremely angry at how he was lying to us again and being verbally abusive toward his mother when she questioned why he needed to borrow money just two days after payday. I was extremely angry at all the advice he was given and help he was offered that he simply ignored. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Finished. If my wife wasn't getting on board, our marriage was done. It had gotten to that point, and as much as I didn't want to do it, I basically told my wife that she had to choose between her husband or her adult son, be cause he would never live under MY roof again, and the only way I would contribute to any financial support for him at all was if he went to rehab and demonstrated that he was serious about getting his life back on track. I will also say that the 8 years where he was married made it a little easier as well. We had gotten used to not supporting him or having him ask us for anything that it was simply easier to not start again, or cut it off much more quickly. When his own mother told him a few months back that the gravy train left the station, it may have finally started to sink in for him. We are basically no or minimal contact these days, and that is completely by his own choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scott_G, post: 614570, member: 16626"] My parents supported me through college and told me I was on my own when I graduated. I took that to heart Only once since then did I ever have to ask them for money, and I was completely ashamed and embarrassed to have to do so. A parent is only obligated to support a child up until the age of 18. A parent is not obligated to their children for their entire lives. I don't care if the kid won the "world's best person" award, I am one individual who does not think it is okay for kids to live at home rent free after 18 or move back home indefinetly as adults, and I certainly don't condone abuse behavior on the part of adult children when their parents don't give them their way. It usually isn't too difficult for me to tell my son no. I set that straight with him when he was in his early 20s. He won't even ask me for the time of day because he already knows my answer. Being the master manipulator he is, he goes right to his mother when he wants something, and I eventually give in to her. Just like an addict needs to hit bottom before getting clean, I think we need to reach a point where we truly have had enough, we tried everything many times only to see it fail every time, and we are so mentally exhausted that "no" is the only thing left. When the kid was going through all of the latest drama over the past year, the idea of him (and even his girlfriend too, LOL) living with us again came up a couple of times, and initially my wife was behind it. This is where I finally reached the point of enough is enough. I was no longer going to give in to him through my wife. He lived with us twice before as an adult, and both times ended badly. I had no reason to believe it would be any different this time. I was also extremely angry at how he was lying to us again and being verbally abusive toward his mother when she questioned why he needed to borrow money just two days after payday. I was extremely angry at all the advice he was given and help he was offered that he simply ignored. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Finished. If my wife wasn't getting on board, our marriage was done. It had gotten to that point, and as much as I didn't want to do it, I basically told my wife that she had to choose between her husband or her adult son, be cause he would never live under MY roof again, and the only way I would contribute to any financial support for him at all was if he went to rehab and demonstrated that he was serious about getting his life back on track. I will also say that the 8 years where he was married made it a little easier as well. We had gotten used to not supporting him or having him ask us for anything that it was simply easier to not start again, or cut it off much more quickly. When his own mother told him a few months back that the gravy train left the station, it may have finally started to sink in for him. We are basically no or minimal contact these days, and that is completely by his own choice. [/QUOTE]
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Please share your stories about how you were able to tell your difficult children "NO"
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